The Funniest Thing a Shrink Ever Said to You

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man oh man.. there are a few people who were perfectly fine with just some minor problems who literally were driven insane by their shrinks, who btw are not exactly the pictures of mental health themselves. and that's an understatement. they should make all shrinks go to therapy themselves - for years - and only after they were *cured* they could get a diploma. no therapy? no practice. ah...that would be sublime...

I remember trying to tell a psychologist that I had some strange obsession with numbers and she said just said, "oh, that's nothing." Clearly she had never heard of anything like that before...lol

I said something to the doctor that was funny. I had bought a porno because my mom had pissed me off and the way I would get her back was by buying an expensive pay-per-view movie, it was about 12 bucks, I asked the doctor to tell her for me. I said, "Tell her I'll pay for dinner if she'll pay for the movie!"

I believe it was him giving me a stupid lecture about valuing other people. Something like: "No one in your life should mean more to you than yourself. That's a rule in life, and you need to rewrite your rule if you're not following it now."

Tell that to an egomaniac, jackass. What about family? Friends? Lovers? Heroes? Way to assume that just because I place someone else's well-being above my own, I must have no self-respect.

And of course, all that "How did that make you feel?" crap is standard with him. I do love Greentea's comebacks, though

I'd have to say I've gotten the "But everybody does that" response most often. It's like, well thanks, but do they do it 24/7? No? Okaaaaaaay then. QED!

One psychiatrist asked if I'd ever been in special ed, to which I replied "no", and this seemed to clench his opinion that I wasn't AS.

My last psychiatrist, prior to my diagnosis (which did NOT come from him), felt I was not AS because I was too introspective. Apparently all autistics are incapable of introspection...

The other psychologist I saw for a dx just ignored the question despite noting my 1) poor eye contact, 2) issues with friendships and socializing, 3) IQ profile which fits the classic aspie profile, 4) my obsessive-compulsiveness, 5) and my anxiety problems.

::sigh:: He even wrote ALL that up in my assessment. What an idiot. Instead he said I was depressed, anxious, and should continue CB therapy.

The autism center I got my assessment from didn't say anything stupid. Which makes sense, they deal with ASCs 24/7. And the psychologist who then dxed looked over my original assessment and agreed that the other psychologist was an complete imbecile. That made me feel good.

Unfortunately, professionals experienced in adult ASCs, especially females, is nonexistent here in St. Louis. I was lucky to FINALLY get a dx even though I had to go through three diagnosticians prior to that. Thankfully I'm stubborn.

I've been going to shrinks since I was about seven, when my parents first got divorced... some have been fine, but I've had my fair share of stinkers. In those cases, I'd just act like a little brat right back to them. It was especially fun when they'd have my sister and I scheduled together- we'd do things like cough loudly in unison when they pulled out the tired old "and how do you feel about that?" line, and spend entire sessions refusing to speak and communicating solely in American Sign Language finger-spelling. (I think it was after that last incident that the woman suggested that we only see her individually, because we were "obviously distracting each other".) Good times.

I can't really think of very many specific instances that were funny/stupid... I haven't had a hokey therapist in a few years. Though after I was diagnosed with AS my dad wanted me to meet with my school psychologist (God knows why), who insisted on calling it 'Asperger's disease'.

I got that when I was eight. I mean, seriously. (Not that eight-year-olds can't get depressed, but...)


Argh, that's just... how did that person even pass a basic child psych course, much less get liscensed?



Okay, I'm basically just sitting here in absolute shock now.

Oh god, I hate those ret*ds who think that AS = depression >_< Sometimes I wonder how these guys got their jobs.


Seconded. These quacks think they're helping us?

He also didn't bother to find out WHY I was depressed. My mother and I were having a difficult (and angry) time with each other and she's basically my sole support system. I was applying for college. I was going through a Disability review where I thought I was going to lose my financial support. I was trying to look for a job I didn't think I could keep just in case I lost my Disability. I was trying to figure out where I would live if I lost my Disability. My psychiatrist, therapist, and social worker didn't think I was AS so I was constantly trying to fend off their opinions.

So, um yeah, I was depressed!

Oh, heheh, I misunderstood.

I went for a while after my divorce. I was so anxious and depressed, she got the idea that if she reduced her rate, I'd feel less anxious (not that I complained about that...
but then this was BA (Before Aspergers') was a diagnosis.

Well no he still thought I was just depressed and anxious and not AS at all. But on top of that, he didn't bother to get a history about the depression. So instead of handing me a diagnosis of Dysthymic Disorder-NOS, he could've just figured out I was depressed because my life was sh***y at that time and not because it was an actual "disorder".

He should've taken some background. Instead, he just assumed I was always like that.

Me: "So, Miss Gwen, what do you think of me and my speeches?"

Gwen: "Jason, I think you are psychotic."

Me: "What? You actually think I'm certifiable?"

Gwen: "Jason, I don't think you should be locked up. You are really good at controlling yourself."

Me: "So, then, what is the next course?"

Gwen: "Start taking these and maybe your mania will subside."

Me: "These better be REAL drugs and not some placebos! I have these things analyzed to see if your joking me!"

Gwen: "Jeez- Louise."


This was when I was ninteen and a hostile little jokester, about a decade ago. I don't think I will ever go to a shrink again, nor take pharmies to deal with the pain.

I just thought I would share this with you.

Me: I'm not taking that antidepressant anymore. It's making me hallucinate.

Him: Don't you want to get better?

Borderline. Personality. Disorder.

2000...

Therapist: You have Borderline Personality Disorder

2003...

Therapist: ....so what you have is Paranoia

2006...

Therapist: ...and what you have is an aggressivity disorder

*

Me: Why do you think I am aggressive?
Therapist: Because of how you treat me.
Me: Couldn't it be the case that I don't treat everyone the same but according to the interaction between us?
Therapist: No.

*

Therapist: All right, all right, all right! I have no idea what this "Asperger's" you speak of is, but OK, I'll grant you that you may have it. Anyway, we have to solve your social problem and that's totally unrelated.

(I SWEAR ALL MY TRANSCRIPTS ARE TRUE!)

2000...

Me: ...so he started seeing me less and less and last week he said he'd be busy in the near future...so I came to you to help me deal with the pain...
Therapist: Maybe he is indeed busy? We have to work on your pessimism, alarmist feelings, sense of abandonment, etc. etc.

2005...

Me: Remember Joe? Remember how he disappeared from my life saying he'd be busy "in the near future" and I never heard from him again? Back then you said we should treat my pessimism, sense of abandonment, etc. etc.
Therapist: I never said such a thing.