sorry for the bump. (unwritten internet etiquette, anyone?)
many of us who are not as socially adroit as others have to learn through trial and error. and there is nothing wrong with that. if you want to be a functioning member of society, and actually enjoy it, you need to learn social norms, and generally speaking, you need to adhere to them.
i am diagnosed ADD, and i have some aspie tendencies, especially in the social realm. i have trouble holding eye contact, something inside me starts to squirm. over many years i have realized that it makes me seem as though A) i am not paying attention, B) i am bored, or C) i dont like the person talking to me, or a combination of all three of these. so i need to force myself to hold gaze with the people i converse with on a daily basis. i model my social behavior on whether i enjoy someone's company or not. if i like the person, it is worth my time to force eye contact, since they will interpret that as a sign that i am interested in what they have to say, and we can remain friends. over time you get a feel for how long you need to hold eye contact, and how long you can look away without seeming distracted. also if you are talking about some object in the vicinity, or some text, then it is super easy because you can keep glancing at the person, but hold "gaze" with the object.
there is nothing wrong with copying social norms that you don't understand. it makes you an easier person to interact with, and eventually you'll have an easier time interacting with people because of this. and in time you will even come to understand social norms if you practice them for long enough.
