Emotion Management - Info from Attwood conference

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That blows Attwood's credibility for me. I am not wrong, just different, and lying is not the answer.

12 Psychobabble steps to being manipulated by NT's.

"Be true to yourself and you will be false to no man."

I think that CBT for anger management is a style that can be useful for some. I think the thermometer thing is a good idea. I realised recently that I lacked the awareness of the things that really, really made me angry or upset, and I discounted the potency of these triggers because the triggers are different to those of other people.

For example, my biggest anger triggers are usually:

- Someone invading my personal space. I have been known to hit people on planes or crowded transport.
or,
- World events and politics. I usually get really angry and upset when watching the news or CNN, seeing injustice and corruption, I dont really watch it anymore, instead I watch "The Nanny" at 6pm which is not anger-inducing though it is a little cheesy.

So I think the thermometer is a good idea. It is important to figure out what really makes the self angry or upset and have strategies to get away from the situation if possible.

I have read some books by therapists though that encourage the person to analyse their thoughts, tell themselves they are "awfulising" or that their angry thoughts are not based in reality. I dont like that approach as much, I dont think it is so good to be analysing thoughts all the time.

A therapist made me try CBT for a few months for social anxiety (I complied), but it didn't do much. I'd heard that it took some time for a reduction in anxiety to become apparent and believed it, so it wasn't a reverse placebo effect or whatever that would be. Something that really confused me was how to fill in the thermometer. (A personal issue, not something I have against CBT) Obviously a 0 on the scale would be perfectly relaxed, and a 10 would be a full-blown anxiety attack, but how do I measure my anxiety when it isn't so obvious... like it usually is? I had to resort to tying the numbers to severity and type of physical symptoms, which I didn't think was accurate enough. Watching for and recording irrational thoughts was another problem. I find it hard to monitor my internal monologue, because consciously listening to it when not very relaxed completely stops it. It did not become easier to monitor with practice. A final issue I took with CBT... I have always doubted and questioned all my thoughts, including anxious thoughts. Sometimes I keep thinking those anxious thoughts because they aren't that irrational.

Eventually I found that my natural tendency to become more misanthropic over time did more to reduce the self-consciousness than CBT. *shrugs*

I want to say that I found CBT group therapy to be a big help a few years before I got diagnosed. I continue to use it as a framework for dealing with my daily challenges. I think that CBT, like any other process, has to be understood and applied with a deep understanding of the complexities. Atwood's steps can look like silly "Polonius" quotes, but that does not mean they can't be extremely useful and effective. (I realize how many of these I have discovered for myself over the years - and wish I had found earlier).

In tapes that I have seen of Tony Atwood, he often seems a little to flip and un-serious in demeanor for my taste. I like his ideas but am not always comfortable with the presentation. Perhaps that is true with the conference information presented here as well. I keep telling myself that such a tone may fit many minds very well (minds other than mine) so I should sit on my hands and let others use what they can. And when it is all over, I will probably get some good stuff despite my unease!

Don't bear ill will towards those trying to share info. on technique that's been helpful to that person or persons. So long as no one's trying to say that if I don't cooperate (with this method) then I'm complicit in keeping myself in pain & misery/needless suffering-as if that were my decision ! Individuals have ways that feel right to each of them/us & it's good to have multiple possibilities as to what would seem a fitting/proper coping mechanism, for the variety/range of persons with this dx.

CBT utterly rubs me the wrong way-just thinking about it makes me angry-conflicts with many of my basic beliefs (not just the problematic ones) & not in a way that makes me feel CBT is gonna' remedy/overhaul my entire personality. That's not to say it's of no positive use, to some extent for some people some of the time-finding a compatible tool for the instance one is confronted with is the crux.

For those for whom it works, it works-but that's not everyone. It's a tool and not every tool is right for every job/case/person. To compare to something wholly different yet has commonalities-aspirin is tool which doesn't help all people with all problems & can actually be quite harmful/toxic. Most tools are not simply all good nor all bad, it's in the application...

Wow, I read the description of people with AS and emotional management and it sounded exactly like me. I do okay, but I might go over the notes in more detail later just to see if I might gather anything from them.

While I agree CBT is a tool and if it helps thats great, but others do have to remember we are all different individuals, not text book ideas...

I feel so much still is unknown about people on the autism spectrum and that maybe its about time more people tried to understand and allow for our differences, not change them...

What is CBT to control when and how we should be, the biggest trigger as I see it is lack of being understood!

CBT helped me because I was raised pretty to feel guilty all the time (Irish Catholic) and I was to blame for everything (not rational, I know, but that is how it felt.) CBT helped me sort out what was real thinking and what wasn't. It was difficult at first, but I got the hang of it. It has helped me detach from a lot of unnecessary guilt.

One of the roblems with CBT is that that is hat gets funded by most insurence companies. That and medications are the fastest and cheapest ways to behavior modification. I think it is only destructive when it is seen as effective for anyone and if you are nnot helped by it , you are then blamed for being stubbornly resistent. I think it all depends on the ability and intellegence of the counslor using it as one tool. Like any tool, (think scalpel or chainsaw), the result in part is based on the skill of the welder of that tool. It was my misfortune to rn into a lot of "hacks" who had little intellgence or lacked information to understand AS cognition. (That was in the 80's) I still would hesitate to see any therapist who was not aware of AS traits and did not place value judgements on people who think or choose to live "differntly".

I don't think Tony Atwood is trying to create NT clones. He appears to me to have a lot of respect for AS differences and just want us to function as well as we can in a neurologicaly different and challenging world.

Well said I agree, but far to few professionals with his attitude around...

we missed learning to trust by trusting those who taught us not to trust, Inventor.

we missed what ever boat the young ones might get to sail on.

Merle

There are some NT's such as Tony Attwood who do not want to create NT clones. The majority of NT parents on this forum do not want to create NT clones. I would hate to see my grandsons transformed into something that they are not.

These NT's burn themselves out to create a better environment, social justice, accommodation in the environment.

What most NT's on this forum want is the ability for aspies to function with less pain. We cannot imagine how many members have survived thus far.

We see the pain of our family. We want them to have some control; the alternative is frequent meltdowns for my grandsons.

Some strategies do not work for all. But there is no plot to transform Aspies. That takes place on another site!

Robyn

I am interested/curious; in what way does it do that? What beliefs does it conflict with?

I know that I feel that way. CBT does seem, when taken to its logical conclusion, to have profound philosophical/spiritual implications, which I think I am in deep disagreement with. But would love to know what you mean more exactly.

Yes Attwood subscribes to the "Cassandra syndrome" theory. I'd quite happily rip him a new one. But I'm somewhat biased.

Why is it so hard to take the good that someone like Attwood is trying to do and ignore what doesn't work individually without all of the anger? Dr. Attwood is not some psychological Moses trying to lead every aspie to a NT promised land. He is trying to help aspies to cope with some of the difficulties that AS presents. Personally, I wouldn't use the emotional thermometer - at my age it doesn't make sense for me - but it seems that it has been helpful for others. I can see where some of what he says, if taken to an extreme point, could be detrimental - but anything in life, when taken to an extreme, can be detrimental. And I can personally say, having used (but not abused) CBT, I am finding ways to think in gray terms, instead of the extreme, black and white ways that I have mostly thought my entire life. CBT is helping me to give myself more options that the opposite extremes.

I've reread the notes, and what he says and how he presents it (as far as the notes go) indicates that the sessions concentrated on helping children. Perhaps if he had been specifically gearing towards adults, the tone and the suggestions might have been different, and seemingly more relevant, for an adult.

Z

Hi zonder,
If you are referring to me, I don't have a problem with CBT on principle. I actually have read some of Attwoods stuff and found it helpful. I have been to a couple of his kid-focused conferences and found them helpful. What I don't find helpful is the principle that Aspies are great until they grow up and get into relationships, at which point they turn into some kind of antichrist.

He used this cartoon to illustrate what being married to an Aspie is like.


http://creativitymachine.net/wp-content ... elarge.jpg

I found this attitude exceedingly unhelpful.