Cruel "girl" tricks being played on my son at scho

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As I parent, I would go ballistic if someone was hurting my kid. If I had to, I would not only have a few words with the child that hurt my kid BUT I would get a hold of the kid's parents and have a chat with them as well. I am sure the kid would love that, and that is exactly what he or she would deserve! Oh and the school needs to take matters like this more seriously then they do.

I'm sorry that your son went through this. I think your reaction is perfectly appropriate, but I don't think confronting the girl and her friends will do any good. Trying to appeal to their better natures will just make them laugh (they may feel guilty years later, but in the present, your words will be mimicked and probably used to taunt your son further).

I'm not sure I have any advice, except to try and find a 'funny side' as soon as possible and focus on that. In the long run, it will be healthier than seeing this as a life-changing event that will need years of therapy (I don't mean that your son should go up to them chuckling and say 'gosh, you got me there', but maybe you two could think of a few verbal come-backs in case they try to tease about it. If you can make the on-lookers laugh (with you), you've got them on your side and the prank won't seem very witty for long).

Your son isn't the first guy to be duped by a trick like this, and he shouldn't feel stupid or allow himself to become bitter over it. 's a bit cliche, but those girls will get their come-uppance some day.

I consider myself recovering from AS. You clearly are still mired in it. Adults don't get involved with issues with their children are having in school unless it is serious. The feelings of your children is not one of those times to become involved. You will come across as a creep and a weirdo by confronting someone in grade school over something like this. If even this girl DID like him, it is apparent he became too emotionally involved with this girl at an early stage.


I don't expect you to have any understanding of anything I have stated. There is something called reality that you and 99% of people on this board clearly don't have an understanding of.

JWRed,
Parents should get involved. The problem is when they do not get involved. Kids need their parents and the guidance of their parents.
Surprising as it may be to you, being a parent means being a parent.

You too apparently are drowning in the AS world. Confronting school age children when they hurt your child's feelings is not being a parent. Being a parent is telling the child how to deal with the situation.

Confronting school children for "beig cruel" to a child is weak. The child needs to control his emotions about the situation. Yes, emotions can be controlled. This is a weakness for people with AS. I know. I have learned to control them. He had feelings for a girl and then he gets turned down and you feel that you should become involved?

You need to get a grip as well.

okay JWRed just hear my side of things and I know where you're coming from but read this please. When I was a kid I was around people who share your philosophy about confronting kids about this or that...whatever.

I will tell you what happened. These people who happened to be neighbors always said that whenever their kids were the ones picking on others, causing the problems, fighting, whatever...typical child behaviours.
The mom would say:

"They are just kids let them take care of it I am not getting in the middle of it blah blah blah"

But then, guess what? Whenever the shoe was on her foot and one of her kids was getting picked on or made fun of or ganged up on by the other kids, whatever (same thing her kids did to others only done back to them by other kids) suddenly it was okaaaaaaay to get involved suddenly it was just fine for the parent to confront the children suddenly every body else's kids were the bad ones and hers were these angels and she would tell the kids off, tell their parents off, tell whomever where they could go.

My point being, sure you are saying that JWRed, when it is someone else's child but I seriously question if you would be saying the same thing if it were your child...

I've been around this sort of thing before...

I know the feeling Being in high-school makes it even worse, the peer pressure is just nasty...didn't get my first until I was almost 19.



I agree. I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, but girls play games...it's just a fact of life =/

Even girls that genuinely do like you will play silly little "Oh, I don't like you" or "I have a boyfriend" games, and I guess you're supposed to be able to recognize that they're playing coy and persue them anyway? Idunno, I don't recognize it, I just sulk and go "Oh." (which I guess is a turn-off for them)

But maybe I don't know enough about the situation, I'm just speaking from my own experiences (which are completely one-sided, and from an Aspie point-of-view).

Wrong. I would tell my child to control his emotions about the situation and to ignore the people making fun of him.

and they still taunt him even if he 'ignores' the problem

School can be a real hell hole for young people, in particular those who have conditions or some physical difference.

I'm sorry about what happened to your son... people were like that with me about a year ago... it didn't hurt me much, but I can see why it would infuriate and hurt someone. Things that people have done to people and to myself have left me feeling incredibly angry and hurt in the past.

I hope you and your son feel better in time.

Bullies will do that for a while because they do not like being ignored by their victim so they will taunt you and make fun of you trying to get you so upset you can't ignore them anymore. But then after a while they will leave you alone realizing you are never going to respond to them or react. But the worst thing they can ever do is start beating you up because they know you can't ignore that.

JWRed, maybe you didn't read what I wrote. You don't understand NT's and the whole game that you think is reality.

I would never go to the school or the police but I'd definitely play their game and show them the reality of their behavior.
Why should anyone allow anyone to hurt us without telling them that we at least think that what they are did is wrong.
It may take years for reality to set in, but I bet one day they will look back and learn from it. You can't just run away and avoid reality that is cruel and indifferent.

By not sticking up for yourself or anyone that has been treated unfairly, you are guilty of it too. You will beat yourself up for not standing up for your beliefs while that person who hurt you is off having a good time thinking they are great. Bullies can smell a wimp and they despise people who don't stick up for themselves. I've made many friends from people who bullied me simply by finding the human side of them and showing them mine as well. And by the way, we create our own reality.

But sometimes people bully to provoke you and responding to them means they win. If they are saying meaner things to you after every time you stand up for yourself, they are probably provoking you because you are giving them what they want. Ignoring them is the worst thing that can happen to them.


How do I know this? Because it happened to me with an online bully. He said meaner things to me every time I did combats. Fighting with him never got me anywhere so it occurred to me one day I was wasting my time with him and I can't win. maybe he wants me to fight back and I was giving him what I wanted and guess what when i told him i was done with him, boy was he pissed because he said "Fine just go ahead and try and ignore me you neurotypical b***h."


Yes him calling me an NT because he was mad and trying to upset me because I was taking his power away. This guy also happens to have AS.

I eventually learned on here sometimes bullies will be mean to you so you can fight back. And when you do fight back, they say meaner things to you.

Online bullies are different. They aren't the type to do it in real life because if they were I'm sure they'd be out socializing instead of the virtual method. Sorry to hear about your combative bully, he probably gets a kick out of it and it's best to ignore that because those types of people don't even make sense half the time.

It is you who don't understand NTs and reality. Everyone on this board is confident that they have an understanding of reality. Not everyone can be right.

I am a lot farther from the AS world than you or anyone on this board is. Very few people would have the strength to take the path I did in order to get where I am. I am certain about my understanding of NTs and reality.

Stating that you would "play their game" would not be appropriate. What you view as logical would make you look foolish. The bullies know what they are doing. The only way for the child to stick up for himself is to have a physical confrontation. Either that or walk away and deal with the emotions. Writing letters on behalf of your child is laughable. I am sure you don't understand that, but it is reality.




That is true to AN EXTENT. However, there are still fundamental rules in the real word that everyone except people with AS follow. That is why we are outcasts.

The bullies are the ones who look foolish. Standing up for yourself and confronting are the healthiest ways of dealing with this. Support from the parents is very important.