"You're pretty quiet!"

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Lene
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14 Sep 2008, 12:48 pm

It's incredibly annoying. I don't mind being told I'm quiet- I usually agree and then change the subject. I'm never sure how to react when people ask 'so, are you really shy, or what?'. I'm not, but the alternative seems to be that I'm 'stuck up' and 'antisocial', so these days I just lie and say yes

It's being told to smile that makes me want to grab the nearest chainsaw - even for photos. I was in a pub the other day, just looking around whilst my friends were chatting, and this guy walks past, going 'smile!', exaggerating his own drunk grin with his fingers. All his friends laugh as they walk past too... I think I managed a weak grimace. I wish I'd stuck out my tongue or something instead!

eman_ekaf
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14 Sep 2008, 2:35 pm

I hear "you're very quiet" all of the time! I usually just nod or mumble "yes." I quite often have teachers tell me that I'm quiet, and sometimes they tell my parents. I always have my teachers sign my yearbook, and they always write "you were such a quiet student, but so intelligent, you should open up a bit." It doesn't really bother me, becuase at my age (15) most adults still see it as a good thing. It's the other students who have a problem with it. I do get upset when students bring it up, becuase they usually don't like it. I get teased becuase I'm so quiet.

hale_bopp
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15 Sep 2008, 6:38 am

MR wrote:

hale_bopp wrote:

I used to get that a lot when I was a kid. It's really lame, as you wouldn't go upto someone and say "wow, you're pretty fat!" or "wow, you're pretty ugly!"

It pisses me off too.

The implication seems to be that saying someone is quiet is an insult. (Not just in this post I'm quoting, but this one shows it well.)

Why? What's wrong with quiet?

Now, I don't know how the guy (mentioned in the original post) said it, so I've no clue if it was friendly or not. But it certainly could be said as a friendly conversation opener.

If we can say things and they mean just what they mean, and nothing more, why can't those making observations about us do that same thing? Why can't it just be a neutral observation? In this case, a rather hasty one without much observing behind it, but, still, an observation, with nothing insulting about it.

Trust me, I've heard it to death, and I get pretty insulted when it's said. It's judgement like that in which aspies don't need. They certainly don't say it to be nice.

Maybe my example isn't that good. What about someone saying "wow you're pretty freckley" or "you're pretty short".. It's stuff that you just shouldn't say to people..

Mysty
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15 Sep 2008, 6:50 am

"quiet" just isn't an insult. Now, I know the experience of having someone label me in ways that both aren't who I am and go against my value system. It hurts a lot. It feels like an insult even if the person who said it didn't mean it that way. But quiet? Yeah, it's annoying to be called something that's not true of oneself. But, someone saying I'm a guy (think Internet ) wouldn't be the same as someone saying I intentionally hurt others. There's nothing wrong with being a guy, I just don't happen to be one. And there's nothing wrong with being quiet, and to think that anyone who observes that someone they are talking to is "quiet" thinks that quiet is bad is inaccurate. And, Hale_bopp, you weren't there to witness what was said to Mysterious_misfit (first post in thread) so you have no place to make the judgement that that speaker thinks "quiet" is bad.

hale_bopp
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15 Sep 2008, 6:54 am

MR wrote:

And, Hale_bopp, you weren't there to witness what was said to Mysterious_misfit (first post in thread) so you have no place to make the judgement that that speaker thinks "quiet" is bad.

Well judging by the OP's post, she isn't happy that it keeps getting said. I'm not saying they specifically meant it to be bad, but it's still a judgement.

kleodimus
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15 Sep 2008, 9:35 am

headbutt em next time

mysterious_misfit
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15 Sep 2008, 5:21 pm

kleodimus wrote:

headbutt em next time

LOL Chuck Norris-style.

Eggman
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15 Sep 2008, 6:11 pm

Techno Viking smites those that state the obvious, why did he say that, was he informing you of that as if you didnt know, Not everyone can make as much noise in 30 seconds as the Techno Viking.

Fraya
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16 Sep 2008, 11:36 am

"You're pretty quiet."
"If you're always speaking or thinking of what to say next then you're not really listening."

If they think about it for a second and agree or say "I never thought of that" then they might be worth your time to talk to. If they laugh walk away.

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MadAme
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16 Sep 2008, 12:46 pm

When people tell me I'm quiet, I smile and say "Count your blessings."

ShawnWilliam
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16 Sep 2008, 1:14 pm

BigT wrote:

I get it all the time. Sometimes people say to me 'your very quiet' even if nearly everybody in a room hasn't even said anything. How do they tell?

I know what you meann buddy... i think it has to do with our aural energy.. people pick up more from that then from appearance.. i thin appearance and aural energy are strongly tied together, but when someone is happy you can feel their energy, when someone is mad it makes you a litle nervous to be around them, if someone is sad you feel kind of down.. ya know?.. if someone is quiet you sense a distance or lack of energy being output

mysterious_misfit
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16 Sep 2008, 6:33 pm

Eggman wrote:

Techno Viking smites those that state the obvious, why did he say that, was he informing you of that as if you didnt know, Not everyone can make as much noise in 30 seconds as the Techno Viking.

OMG, he is so hot! I'm in love with Techno Viking! :heart:

ButchCoolidge
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17 Sep 2008, 10:19 am

People often say that I'm pretty quiet, which has often bothered me because in truth I'm not that quiet. I'm often extremely talkative with my friends. The only times I am quiet are if I'm with people I don't know, especially if they make me uncomfortable or I don't like them, or if I am bored (which often occurs in conjunction with the former).

Weirdobird
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17 Sep 2008, 10:27 am

People say "you're pretty quiet" to me a lot, along with "smile, why the long face?" etc etc... even "Weirdo" I just say "Cool, thanks"... Weirdo kind of stuck, I like it, so do my friends.

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