Is it wrong to complain about a neighbor who is....

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and bitching to strangers will help solve this how?

You never really stated it was against the rules, just that you complained to them about it.

Honestly though…. do something about if it bothers you that much. Or rather have the homeowners association do something about it

Well.. we cat owners are particular bunch.

I moved into a house once.. terraced housing, jammed up wall to wall. Had one loud night and two days later got a complaint from the Council, stating all sorts of rules and moans about noise and the potential crime it was etc etc scary letter. Turned out that the PREVIOUS tenants had been noisy bastards for nearly a year, and everyone was sick of it. I was so quiet moving in they didnt realise and just went ballistic, diving in at the deep end without ever speaking to me, and very nearly causing a whole shedload of trouble. And this complaint from a woman who woke me every morning at 5am going to work, then pissed and moaned that she couldnt sleep at 4pm in the afternoon.

The moral of the story is: Ask your neighbour nicely, in a peaceful manner, if you can discuss the renegade vegetables, and politely reach an agreement regarding them. Nobody likes a rules lawyer or a jobsworth.

And in my experience, those with AS are VERY aware of social rules and niceties, because it takes us so much effort to understand them. It drives me f*****g spare when NTs shout, or push, or behave like children, because I strive so hard to do things that they are born to do, and can do without thinking, and it makes me wonder why the hell I'm bothering to not stare, or not say inappropriate things and so forth.

Not if it's against the CCRs. If you purchased the home with the expectation that those rules and regulations would be enforced, of course it's reasonable for you to complain. If there are no rules or regulations against it - and the CCRs vary from community to community - then yes.

Quite frankly, I find large expanses of grass to be an eyesore - useless plants using up valuable water resources, so I wouldn't find a planting, even a large one, of useful plants to be a detriment to a home's value. In fact, I think I'd consider it more valuable because of it.

Something to consider. Where I live there are neighborhoods where you are not allowed to park in your driveway other than to unload your car. Your vehicle must be parked in your garage if you are at home. If you have guests they must park in the "guest" parking lot at the end of the street.

There are neighborhoods where the CCRs say what color and style your front door can be.

There is another neighborhood here where a woman painted her home a lovely shade of turquoise. Nothing garish, tastefully done. There is no HOA there in that neighborhood - legally she's entitled to do whatever she likes as long as it's not a public nuisance or health threat. Her house has been vandalized, spray painted with nasty words, she's been physically threatened - by neighbors with bland white or beige homes. They consider her home to be "an eyesore" and "lowering their property values" - which have tanked already - the market has gone way south and they're stuck with overpriced mortgages and looking for someone to blame and she's, unfortunately, it. She's also got a terminal disease, so you think people would be nicer to her? No, they slash her car tires over the color of her home. What idiocy! She'll be dead in a very few years and their problems are solved. Whatever - people are weird.

She'd love to be able to sell her home, at this point - although having a blue house was a dream she'd had for years. But the market is such that she couldn't give it away for what she owed on it. Times are hard. Why make them harder for anyone?

Last edited by Nan on 18 Sep 2008, 10:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I would be the last person in the world to know what looks good and what looks bad. People with AS usually tend to be a bad judge of aesthetics. I do remember what people considered to be good and bad though. I remember thirty years ago that having fruit trees in you yard was considered bad taste. I remember that ten years ago having stainless steel appliances in your kitchen was bad taste. I remember in 1972 when they used to make fun of the song “Brand New Key” when Melanie sang it; now all the new female singers sound like they’re trying to imitate her. I remember when they made fun of Kevin Costner’s hair cut in the 1992 movie The Bodyguard; now almost everybody has the same hair cut. Personally I have always liked hot dogs, french fries and ladies with mini skirts; always have always will. I guess that’s what having a personality must mean.

I TOTALLY agree with the OP - and anyone who disagrees clearly has no moral sensibility.

That said, I think right is on the side of the OP.

As suggested, the weed-killer option is easily the most effective and most gratifying.
Saves a lot of paperwork - and the neighbour never knows who did it - which has the added bonus of forcing her to ask herself who she might be offending with her patch - and why.

How can the OP help it if dogs whizz on his neighbour's veggie patch ?

You have never answered the question --

Are you planning to move in the immediate future? Is THAT why it's so problematic that the neighbor has a vegetable garden on community property? Or is purely that it just annoys you that she's not following the rules?

You completely ignore the aesthetic offence.

We don't plan on moving. Like MemberSix said, we have a right to not look at an eyesore next to our home.

They already have a farm on their property. This is a housing complex. Not a farming community.

Thanks for answering -- just wanted to know.

I've been in your shoes with a neighbor like this, and I know it's annoying. A rule is a rule, and it's frustrating when it isn't followed. It's nice that it's a vegetable garden and all, but when you join a neighborhood like this, and you read the requirements listed in the association, it's up to you to keep to those requirements.

For myself, I wouldn't want to make waves, and would probably put up with the garden until it was time to sell the house. But that's purely because I would want to keep good relations with the neighbor. Once it was time to sell my house, though, THAT becomes BUSINESS. Then, I wouldn't be quite so nice. At that point, I would do whatever it took to get the garden out of sight, and ESPECIALLY if I lived in California. Those kinds of gardens are quite acceptable in other states, but in some states, order is the norm, and California is one of them (usually).

I don't have AS, my son does. And I've been on the board of a homeowner's association. You may not like my replies, but I answered the question and I answered it accurately and in accordance with prevailing social norms and opinions.

Good suggestion and good point.

To the OP:

You had every right to make the complaint, as you have noted. It is now in the hands of your elected association board, is that correct? Then it is their job to sort the competing interests, as they exist, and decide to enforce or not enforce the rules based on what they believe is best for the association as a whole. It is what they were elected to do. If you don't like the way they handle it, run for the board.

But why are you surprised that your neighbor is acting upset about your complaint? You've never answered that. She wants to grow a garden and you are trying to stop it. Do you expect her to be happy about it? Of course not.

Different people have different opinions as to what is and is not an eyesore. That is why CC&Rs exist, and why boards are elected to enforce them. It takes time, there is a process involved, but if you've made your complaint, your side is done.

Why am I surprised? She is growing a garden on land that IS NOT HER PROPERTY. It is the property of the community.

And she is supposed to be repentent, then, and not be upset that you stopped her activity? She is supposed to just say to you, so sorry, you are absolutely right, what was I thinking, I'll go rip it all out now? Obviously, from the simple fact that she planted the garden, she assumed that no one would mind, against the rules or not. She is upset because you stand in the way of what she wants, and regardless of the rules she is having a difficult time understanding what harm there is to her actions.

My original point was this: while you are within your rights to complain, if you want to have a happy relationship with the neighbor, I would re-think the need to do that.

In the NT world people make exceptions to the rules in certain situations and certain times to keep things pleasant. I know I've heard many AS complain about that in these forums, it sounds so false to them and the conditions under which it happens seem so arbitrary, but what you are mentioning here is a prime example of when someone might make such an allowance. Just saying. You don't have to do it, but then don't expect to get along well with the neighbor.

DW:

As I mentioned, she already has a farm on her property that is an eyesore.

Their cat and dog are constantly trespassing on our property.

Tell me. HOW MUCH MORE SHOULD WE TAKE?

What an outrageous, not to say ridiculous response !

The neighbour is the OFFENDER - and it's an utter absurdity that SHE should be the upset one.

Just get a load of yourself !

Unbelievable !

You appear to be totally devoid of any sense of right or wrong.

This neighbour's clearly disrespecting the OP as a neighbour and should be punished accordingly - either with a fine or eviction.

I just can't believe you just said what you did.

Yours, outraged.