What social skills for you fail to sink in?

Page 3 of 5 [ 66 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

Inventor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Feb 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,014
Location: New Orleans

11 Oct 2008, 12:50 pm

Agreeing with people and their groups.



Greentea
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,745
Location: Middle East

11 Oct 2008, 1:00 pm

You mean pretending to agree?


_________________
So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur.


PunkyKat
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 May 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,492
Location: Kalahari Desert

11 Oct 2008, 1:39 pm

Tahitiii wrote:
PunkyKat wrote:
empathy. I felt nothing during the World Trade center attacks and was only anxious because my whole routine had been turned upside down...
How old were you?
quote]

14?



AnonymousAnonymous
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 74,008
Location: Portland, Oregon

11 Oct 2008, 3:02 pm

Being told to talk in the presense of other people

Being told to "Shut Up" when I try to talk

Stimming in the presense of family

My personal list goes on and on and on.


_________________
Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


Morgana
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Sep 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,524
Location: Hamburg, Germany

11 Oct 2008, 4:05 pm

Postperson wrote:
I'm too unguarded, give too much information and it's often info people can use against me, so i unwittingly put myself in a vulnerable position. Lack of guile, i guess you'd call it, i don't know that i'll ever overcome it.




Me too. And, I still have the tendency to go on and on about something....it´s very hard for me to keep changing subjects all the time, "superficial conversations" as I call them.

But I think the hardest thing for me...what I´ll never get, no matter how I try...is how to keep the level of my voice down. When I´m talking about something that really interests me, I tend to get excited and just start talking louder. I am never aware of this when it actually happens. So often, in public, people tell me to keep my voice down....they say it like they would to a 6 year old or something! Embarrassing....I know I have this tendency, I´m even concentrating on it, but it just sneaks up on me...


_________________
"death is the road to awe"


sinsboldly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon

11 Oct 2008, 4:06 pm

Greentea wrote:
demoluca wrote:
Dealing with friends who have gotten other friends.


I didn't understand this one...?


I do! I do! I have often thought that when people got other friends, and their time allottment to me is less, I was more jealous of the TIME spent away from me than the other friends.
I just thought anyone that spent less time with me meant they were going to leave me altogether and would cause a rupture to happen in our relationship so I wouldn't have to be dumped, eventually.

Merle


_________________
Alis volat propriis
State Motto of Oregon


Greentea
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jun 2007
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,745
Location: Middle East

12 Oct 2008, 12:07 am

It's happened to me many times that I made a new friend because they were in a time when they were looking for new friends (I didn't know it). Then when they made a few more new friends as a result of their search, they'd either dump me or keep me on the slow burner just in case those other new friendships didn't work out. So I'd see and hear more or less from this friend - depending on how well the other friendships were going. I don't like this at all.


_________________
So-called white lies are like fake jewelry. Adorn yourself with them if you must, but expect to look cheap to a connoisseur.


Fuzzy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,223
Location: Alberta Canada

12 Oct 2008, 12:21 am

The statement "You dont have to if you dont want" always trips me up.

It really means the exact opposite. "I really want you to do it."

Also I have no ability to envision that other people are doing 'things' outside my perception. IF I think of someone elsewhere, the scene is static, eventless.


_________________
davidred wrote...
I installed Ubuntu once and it completely destroyed my paying relationship with Microsoft.


-JR
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 650
Location: Somewhere in Time

12 Oct 2008, 12:43 am

The "god bless you" one trips me out. :lol: If I ever come in contact with you Tahitiii, please know that I do this out of habit, a comfirmed atheist here! I say it when people sneeze, cough, burp, or make any noise really. :)

The concepts of:

"It's good enough."
"It doesn't matter."

These are at work, and are used one way or another to shut me up nearly every day. I've actually spoken up a lot more lately for some reason...


_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain.


-JR
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 650
Location: Somewhere in Time

12 Oct 2008, 12:46 am

mysterious_misfit wrote:
I often forget to ask people about themselves after they've asked about me.


:lol: I noticed this one day out of the blue. I'd describe my day, and then have nothing left but a little silence. Lights came on one day, I can't remember why or how, but I think it was following a television show. :?


_________________
Still grateful.
"...do you really think you're in control...?"
Diagnosis: uncertain.


Fuzzy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,223
Location: Alberta Canada

12 Oct 2008, 1:14 am

mysterious_misfit wrote:
I often forget to ask people about themselves after they've asked about me.


I'm terrible for not doing this as well.


_________________
davidred wrote...
I installed Ubuntu once and it completely destroyed my paying relationship with Microsoft.


theotherle
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 45

12 Oct 2008, 2:00 am

AngryReptileKeeper wrote:
My problem area is when people in public ask me how I am. It never occurs to me at the moment to return the question.

Not that people really mean that, anyway. If I were to tell them the truth about how I am at any given moment, they'd become uncomfortable and be like, "ummm... Okay...". I frown upon such flippant social gestures. It cheapens genuine care and concern. :(


I was about to say this. When people ask me how I am, I almost always tell them the truth. This isn't so bad now, but when I was going through a bad period as a teenager, it took a while to notice that the people asking only wanted a polite "Fine, thanks. How are you?" and were rather annoyed at having to listen to me go on for a while about what was wrong. I do ask people how they are, but only when I care about them and genuinely want to know. If they say they're fine when I know they're not, it sort of annoys me.

I always thought this was normal for everyone, but maybe not? Who knows.



kitty2
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2008
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 153

12 Oct 2008, 6:53 am

Yep, I am crap at what's mentioned above too, return the question how are you. When people ask me how I am and I feel s**t I say I am s**t. I understand now that asking how are you is some sort of polite greeting British people do and it doesn't mean anything real. I am learning to do the greeting now.

My social skills are not good in general. I am very direct, open, honest sometimes blunt and tactless, but is that bad? At least I am honest, open and there are no reading between the lines, hints etc...
I don't have a clue if people get bored of me or when I am intervening in a group, I don't understand hints, people should just say it, way more clear and no misunderstandings.

Ohh and yeah I would get on and on for a bit when I have some exciting news, you don't get the response you expect, not everybody might be as excited as you. I find this hard to change though, it's out of my mouth before I think, because of the excitement.



samtoo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,762
Location: England

12 Oct 2008, 7:59 am

Personally, I don't believe in the concept of social skills.
Yeah sure some people are more vulnerable than others, and some can protect themselves more in social situations, but really - I just think it's all a bunch of conventional riff raff that I don't really care to be part of. Shoot me.

As far as I'm concerned, people do what they want. Why must Aspies be called less skilled in socialising when they're just not conforming to the standards of the majority?


_________________
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.


Metal_Man
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 895
Location: The Gates of Babylon

12 Oct 2008, 8:47 am

All of the above.


_________________
Can't get it right, no matter what I do, guess I'll just be me and keep F!@#$%G up for you!
It goes on and on and on, it's Heaven and Hell! Ronnie James Dio - He was simply the greatest R.I.P.


Liverbird
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 13 Jun 2007
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,119
Location: My heart belongs to Anfield

12 Oct 2008, 8:55 am

I have trouble knowing when people are done talking. Then when they are done, how do you gracefully remove yourself from the situation? I never get this. I usually look rude because I just walk off or weird because I'm still just kinna standing there. I hate that feeling. How do you deal with this? I rely alot on other people to say "I'm done talking now, gotta go" or some semblence of.

Thank goodness I've got people in my life that help me with this. It still is awkward when I'm with people who don't know how to do it for me, though. It's frustrating for me.


_________________
"All those things that you taught me to fear
I've got them in my garden now
And you're not welcome here" ---Poe