Little Kids: Autistic Meltdowns vs. NT Temper Tantrums

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Maybe I was just too young to remember, but I do not recall ever having a tantrum-- behaving in such a way to be manipulative. I was obsessed with being good and following rules as a child.

I had both as a kid. Both were pretty violent but my meltdowns were the worst.

Tantrums are over desires.
Meltdowns are due to confusion.

Often difficult for anyone outside the head to know which it is:
Ask the person to explain why they are upset.
It is most likely a meltdown if asking why produces a long stream of [or attempt at] explaination.
For a tantrum, the answer will most likely be a simple "because I want!"

Last edited by OddFiction on 07 Sep 2010, 12:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

From seeing lots of kids and the memory of being one myself I don't think most temper tantrums are "put on". It seems like when kids are already tired and ornery for one reason or another, denying them something they really want will cause genuine distress. Of course this doesn't justify giving in as the more you give in, the more the child feels entitled to get his/her way, the more upset they'll be when they're denied in the future. At the same time ignoring doesn't always work either. Distracting or changing the subject seems to work with NT kids but not so much with autistic kids.

Me as a kid:

Someone would say that I was ugly.
I did not understand that someone could say something like that when it wasn't true.
I would tell the kids to leave me alone.
They would continue the name calling.
I would say again "Leave me alone!"
The things that they said would be horrifically hurtful.
Emotion started to build up...
They would continue and laugh
Then the screaming began...
and crying...
Had one almost everyday until I was 16
Put in special ed because of them, even had an aide follow me around trying to prevent them
Nowadays, I will have one every once in a while and I will just want everyone to leave me alone and I would hit things and stuff...
They are not triggered by sensory overload though, as a kid I sometimes I guess had tantrums over something I wanted or didn't like, but a tantrum would turn into one of those eventually.

I guess that's a meltdown.

When I was a teenager but was still at school, I used to have a meltdown when my cousins were all out with friends and I wasn't. I always seemed clingy with my cousins, and I never wanted to be the ''clingy one with no friends''. That filled me with shame, as it would with NT teenagers who don't have many friends.
I don't know if they were mltdowns - I just used to have crying fits. Once I got so jealous about my closest cousin having a best friend that I had a cunning plan. My closest cousin was very shy and was always my soulmate as a child, so I never felt lonely as a child, and I felt she was another child who I could share my feelings with, but when we got to about 12 she got herself a best friend, and left me ''in the ditch''. So one Friday at school (when my cousin had planned to sleep over her friend's at the week-end), I crept upto my cousin when she wasn't with her friend and said, ''your friend called you a b***h to me,'' then when I found her friend I said the same words, so they got upset with eachother and didn't spend the week-end with eachother. My cousin spent the week-end with me instead.

That's how horribly jealous I was of other children having friends of their own. It made me realise how lonely I really was. It made me worse when adults said, ''you can't stop her from having friends, you know!''

So basically, if it is a meltdown then they will continue to cry for a long time even after you've figured out what triggered the incident and fixed the problem? Also, meltdowns last much longer than tantrums and seem to require a long time to cool down afterwards?

I ask because we are unsure if my daughter is NT or AS, like me. The issues which seem to trigger her "meltdowns" appear to be due to her routines not being followed or my interference with her special interest. For instance, I have to enter the bathroom a certain way and say a certain script while I enter the bathroom and if I do anything wrong a meltdown ensues and last for 30 minutes, even after I went back and entered the bathroom "correctly." Even after she calms down she is very sensitive for another hour or two and anything can set her off. She also had an hour long meltdown one night because she was spelling her name (she loves letters) and said a letter wrong and when I reflexively corrected her she flipped out. That one took a long time to calm down.

These feel like meltdowns to me and not tantrums. She isn't looking at me for a reaction and seems completely unable to regain control over herself. Thoughts?

One thing I have noticed in my time working with families and young children, is that both Autistic and NT children can have a calculated tantrum. From my own observations I would say it is based on how the parent reacts to said fit more so than the child being NT or having an ASD in regards to how calculated and purposeful the tantrum is.

Some NT kid tantrums can be due to distress and anxiety, for example seperation anxiety. NT kid tantrums aren't always about wanting a toy they can't have.

That's a common misunderstanding of cats. When cats do that, they're not getting revenge. They don't understand that humans are disgusted by cat pee.

Cats pee on things to get their own scent on it, like a more intense version of rubbing up against it. Cats will often pee on things that smell like a person they're in conflict with because they feel afraid that person will drive them out of their own territory, and covering that person's scent with their own is a way of saying "this is my place, don't drive me out".

They certainly aren't thinking "if I pee on the bed, the human will be disgusted and have to delay sleeping to wash the bed". If anything, they'd be more likely to expect the human to pee over their pee, instead of washing it up.

I've also heard people claim that a cat puking on their stuff is malicious, but unlike peeing, puking for cats is never voluntary. A cat is also more likely to puke if they're under stress. So a cat who is frequently puking on one person's stuff is probably a stressed-out cat who finds that person's scent comforting, so they snuggle that person's stuff when stressed and then end up involuntarily puking on it.

I've always wanted an audience when I had tantrums as a kid, that or I wanted to emotionally manipulate an adult ("if I scream maybe they'll change their mind"). Only difference with me was that I didn't grow out of having tantrums at the age my peers did.

As an adult during an outburst I've also always needed an audience, because the outbursts always consisted of arguing with someone or having someone to shout at. That may sound mean, and I do regret it, but I also couldn't help it. My emotions were so overwhelming especially when my depression peaked, and I would just explode and start openly beating myself up. I needed everyone to see how frustrated I was feeling. Sometimes I did it to seek reassurance too (this was moreso when an outburst was triggered by anxiety).

Wow. Totally unrelatable for me - being so aware of other people during meltdown? That may indeed be the "tantrum" thing.

For me, meltdowns were simply screaming of internal pain I couldn't understand or explain - neither did people around me, so they usually made it worse.