late dx- did you think you were sexually abused?

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I was abused growing up but not sexually. My dad always suspected it but no doctor. It is strange how my AS symptoms and the symptoms of childhood sexual abuse are so similar. I relate on a deep level to women who had been molested. I find that they can relate to many of my issues when others can't even imagine.

Although I never really fully entertained that abuse was the answer, having only been diagnosed in my thirties, I did always wonder about the apparent similarities in the way I am with those who have been through such things.

I have basically blocked out most of my life before about 11 or so which would be a fit for PTSD. Also I have struggled at various times with self-harm (cutting) and suicide.

It more struck me as a signs that, if not necessarily sexual abuse, there was definitely something going on that needed explaining. At least now I understand what it was a bit better.

For me, it's kinda iffy. When I was a toddler, I was babysat by one of my step-dads family friends, who did molest my older brother and would later go to prison for it. When I got older, I was told by my step-brother that him and my older brother visited my room and messed with me as I slept. Putting that anti-freeze muscle relaxer on me and watching me squirm. I'm a notoriously deep sleeper, so I never woke up when this happened. My step-brother hinted that my older brother snuck into my room regularly and he seemed very uncomfortable talking about it. At the time, I was a little disturbed by it, but I just ignored it. People do pranks like the 'Shaving Cream and Feather', so I thought it was like that.

Since then, there's been little hints that my brother did something and it would explain a lot, but I have nothing solid. He has always been emotionally troubled and has always had a bad attitude towards me. I honestly don't think it would be uncharacteristic of him, especially after his own sexual abuse. But like I said, I have no proof or even memory of the events, since I was asleep.

I did, however, suffer from other abuse growing up, as I mentioned in other threads.

EDIT: I forgot to mention I was dx'd with ASD when I was 23.

yeah i was. and blocked it out for a great many years until it began happening again as an adult in different but similar ways.

it has made my issues more .. issuey. it's complicated.