I'm tired....I feel I want to give up now.

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Sorry, what I know, it's a Woody thing. Maybe he borrowed it too? As long as I don't get sued, I'm cool. I think it's good though. Describes much of how the world looks to me.

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Last edited by Old_Soul on 12 Dec 2008, 7:27 am, edited 2 times in total.

Your first post was very beautifully written. I'm sorry you deleted it.

Your love of music is a very wonderful thing that you have, and it is sad that you didn't follow the music in school but went into medicine. It seems like your father wanted to take you from music and put you in something else. But it doesn't work very well when you try to take Asperger people from what it is in their nature to do.

Remember that when you are practicing, you have to rest or change from time to time or you will get inflammation in the tendons and other damage. Also, you said in the post that you deleted that you stopped eating since Thanksgiving. So if you are doing heavy practice while not getting enough nutrients, you can develop injuries very easily. If you are doing heavy practice you should be eating and sleeping well. You know that, right? If you're not eating well and not taking breaks, you can easily develop a repetitive stress or repetitive motion injury.

Did you lose your special violin in 1987? That must have broken your heart.

If it is hard to talk to doctors, maybe you can give them what you write, to get the relationship started? If the relationship gets started well, then maybe they can help you for real. Your writing is beautiful. You write a very good story and maybe that will help get over the uncomfortable first part of them getting to know you.

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Last edited by Old_Soul on 12 Dec 2008, 7:28 am, edited 3 times in total.

I read the other post that you had here, which you deleted. I wanted to respond, but it's the kind of thing you can't just give a quick answer to, and I had to go get my kids from school.

I agree with ephemerella that you express yourself very well in writing, so you might want to show what you have written to a psychologist or someone like that, rather that trying to say it all verbally.

You have talked about your father beating you and hating you. It's very sad that you had to go through that. The one thing that I keep thinking, as a detached observer, is that mood disorders run in families and often result in abuse. Obviously I don't know you or your family, but I wonder if that is the root of your father's abuse of you. When a child is abused, they are always innocent. What your father said and did came from inside of him, not you. Even if you can list a zillion things that you think you've done wrong or that you don't like about yourself, your father's hateful words and physical abuse were his entirely. And they were wrong. They were a sign that HE couldn't cope. He was the adult.

Then there's the matter of your daughter, which I can tell is a painful thing to talk about, so I don't want to pry. It sounds like something bad happened, it was not your fault, but people treat you like they think it was. Whatever happened, it very sad. That's a really, really heavy burden. I think I'd be staying in bed and not eating, too. It'll take time to heal.

I hope you come here often. You will find people here who won't judge you.

Hau kola, Hello Friends.

My name is Doe, I am a friend of Old Soul........ As many of you have read, he is very depressed. I have not know him long but he is very dear to me. His smile warms my heart and his laughter fills my soul with happiness. I do not have AS, nor do any of my family members. I joined this community to show my friend how much he means to me.

He tries to push me away....... but I wont go. I have read many of your comments and would like to tell you how glad I am that he has people that understand what he has been and is going thru.
He says that no one cares....... but I am here to tell everyone including Old Soul that I care very much!! !

So hand in there hun, Im not leaving and I wont let you either! I need the sunshine you bring to my life..... you are important, you are loved and you are needed.[b][i]

Pila amay.....Thank You.

Apetu, lila waste`........... Have a good day!

Toksa........ talk to ya soon

Doe Eyes

You lost your soul.



Maybe the person that was in the violin that was your best friend was another part of you, the music you put into her?



Yes, your voice is not coming easily in your writing, even though it comes across well.



You should save the writing and give it to the doctors to help tell your story to them. It is hard to find the right doctors for some problems and maybe the writing would help speed up finding the right doctor. It is better to be healthy to play than it is to be thin to play, so finding a doctor is the most important thing.

Good luck. Don't delete your posts. You can go to your profile page and print them out later.

Hi Erick,

You sound like a wonderful musician.

Praying for you. Hope you'll feel better soon.

~~ the phoenix

Deleted ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Last edited by Old_Soul on 12 Dec 2008, 3:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

*******************

Last edited by Old_Soul on 12 Dec 2008, 3:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

The simplest thing is to simply not come here any more.
You cannot "remove" your profile- that is how the mods keep track of trolls.
Sorry you're having such a rough time but it's clear nothing will be gained from your involvement here.

thank you everyone. You were helpful. I am moving on. I deleted my profile here.

Why did you say that? Doesn't it sound like Old Soul could use a place like this? Who are you to say that nothing would be gained from his involvement here? Of course there is something to be gained! He needs people to hear his story and to care, and plenty of people here obviously do. I logged on specifically to see if he was feeling a little better, and truly hoping that he was.

I didn't mean to come across as overly-harsh. But it did become clear (at least to me) that Old Soul didn't take anything anyone posted in the past 3 pages to heart. Almost all of the participants who posted on this thread (including myself) provided positive reassurement and feedback which Old Soul followed up with, "I give up." What can be surmised from this response as well as the mysterious (dare I say questionable) appearance of Doe-Eyes)?
I certainly don't wish anyone harm in anyway.

nocturnalquilter - your comment is insensitive and crass. Please apologise to this sensitive and needing person. His soul is raw, he needs nurturing exchanges, not judgemental brush asides.

I think he's gone now away from this thread now. All day I have thought of these words, wanting to tell him to read and think upon each word. There is great nourishment and strength to be gained from these words.

Guide me, O thou great redeemer,
Pilgrim through this barren land;
I am weak, but thou art mighty,
Hold me with thy powerful hand;
Bread of heaven, bread of heaven
Feed me till I want no more;
Feed me till I want no more.

Open now the crystal fountain
Whence the healing stream doth flow;
Let the fire and cloudy pillar
Lead me all my journey through:
Strong deliverer, strong deliverer;
Be thou still my strength and shield;
Be thou still my strength and shield.

When I tread the verge of Jordan,
Bid my anxious fears subside;
Death of death, and hell's destruction
Land me safe on Canaan's side:
Songs of praises, songs of praises,
I will ever give to thee;
I will ever give to thee.

Last edited by ablomov on 13 Dec 2008, 4:29 am, edited 2 times in total.

nocturnalquilter - well said, well done. I understand. We must realise though. I see this with someone I meet face to face, they skid along in their own world, often unable to take in or modify from friendly advice offered. We have to take people on face value - or as they appear.