The Aversion to Eye Contact - Phobia or... Something Else?

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Well, let me throw in what I've observed about eye contact:

1. If you talk to someone but don't look at them, its often taken as a sign that you are not interested in speaking with them or may be disrespecting them.

2. Pupil dilation is a subconscious cue that is part of body language. This is most evident when talking about romance. Our pupils dilate when we see someone that we like, and we like people who like us. Its not really something that is consciously looked for (unless you're a EMT, seasoned police officer, FBI, etc) but still plays a part.


As for how to deal with it, I've found a few things that help.

1. Wear sunglasses. This works really well if you're outdoors and its still daylight. After dark or indoors not so well. Though if you happen to be wearing a suit you could claim you're doing a Blues Brothers impersonation.
This is actually pretty good for practice.

2. Pick a spot on someone's face. I tend to aim for the spot between the eyes. This requires a bit of practice on the timing because you can't stay like that forever. About every 30 seconds or so you need to look away. I tend to look just a little to the left or right of the person's head and look at the wall. Do that for about 5 seconds or so then go back to looking at the person. For added effect, you can periodically nod your head but that can take a little practice as context can effect if its appropriate or not but in general it should work fine.

No NTs do this naturally or do they have to think about when to look away too?

If it is any consolation, I can usually perceive whether some one is making eye contact with me, or if they are looking past me, or at my nose. I have gotten to where I don't let it bother me. Blind people don't make eye contact either, and some blind people's eyes jump back and forth without the person's awareness of it. If some one is staring at my nose I might wonder if I should go to the men's room and see if need to pluck nose hairs or something. And yes, eye contact does feel, at least to me, like I am connected on some level with the person I am talking with, but I don't get bent out of shape if the person is not giving it. I myself have difficulty making eye contact with a person while accessing my visual memory, which makes no sense to many folks I encounter everyday. And when I meet someone who is AS the person usually feels different to me. It is hard to describe the feeling, kind of like something doesn't flow, or like some link that I am expecting to feel inside the person,has no hook to latch onto, or something like that. I get a similar feeling from many NTs who are also INTJ. I expect many people who are extroverts get a similar kind of feeling from me.

For me anyway, it's like sticking a needle in my eyes. So, it's pain.