theory about eye contact

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My theory is that Autistics only want eye-contact with people they like and are comfortable with. Additionally, they can also stare at people they are interested in. Because staring often results in negative feedback, uncomfort with eye-contact develops as a response, which is what psychiatry calls "eye-contact avoidance".

BTW, I don't think starvingartist has a threatning look.

i tried to think about why i do not look in peoples eyes and i can not isolate any single reason. there are many reasons.

one reason is that i am not interested in their eyes. when i have seen their eyes once, i need not look back at them to remind myself what they look like.
i do not find any stimulation to look at eyes. they do not change shape or color while the person is talking. they are always the same size and they do not change, so they are boring to watch. i will lose interest in any conversation if i watch eyes for any length of time.

that is the fundamental autistic reason why i am not instinctive in looking at eyes.

on a "higher" level, i am told that i MUST look into peoples eyes, and to try it say with people at the shops.
but i feel that i am involving myself in a level of perceived intimacy with the other person if i do that.
if i look straight into that black spot called the pupil in their eye, they either feel like i am studying them as an alien, or they warm to me and spill their lives in my direction and i get swamped.
either way it is too personal.
i do not want to attract people who think i am deeper than i am, just to disappoint them when they come to my place and they see my soul has no foundations.

if i look in peoples eyes, they shine hope at me and i can do nothing with their hopes.
i really do not understand what it is like in their heads, so it feels fraudulent to look them in the eye as if i did understand.

i prefer to be polite but unattainable and that is how i always am.

i can not feel congratulatory, and i can not feel consoling.
i can not feel encouraging. so my eyes are useless for them to see.

i do have a bad habit of watching people's gesticulation to an exaggerated degree.

when people gesticulate, i will watch one of their fingertips and my eyes follow their fingertips precisely.
i am not sure why i do it, but it becomes quickly noticeable to people who are talking to me and they may say i am taking the "p*ss" out of them.

actually i am giving them the courtesy of watching their gesticulatory pattern that they should not perform if they do not want it to be watched.

goodness knows what they are trying to trace in the air with their fingers when they gesticulate anyway.

also, it is impossible to look simultaneously into both eyes of another person, so which one do you pick to look at?

the left eye.

It took me a very long time to learn how do look people right in the eyes, and I must say that once I learned, it felt very empowering. It's strange, but somehow, when you look at someone directly in the eyes, it makes everything you say seem so much more intense and truthful.

their "left" eye is the eye on the eastern side of their south looking head if they are facing you.

but is the left eye the right one?

only times i can make good eye contact are when i'm lividly ranting at someone... or in close *special* quarters with someone (and my face is close to theirs).

most people don't really notice cause i've learned to look at noses and eyebrows and bounce between them.