Romantic-Realist wrote:
Wow, a simple yet surprisingly interesting topic (for me, at least).
I can both relate and not relate to the notion of being an "outcast".
In grade K I was the coolest kid at school, which always struck me as weird.
In grade 1 I was made fun of by one of my "best friends". Which resulted on my dropping to the normal scale of coolness.
In grade 2-5 I started becomming a lot more mature in comparisson to the rest of my peers (the term "little professor" and "little gentleman" comes to mind). I began distancing myself during this time period.
In 6th grade (middle school), I was near the low of the poll and only had maybe 4 or so friends. One was very popular, one was quite unpopular, the other was a transfer/foreign student, the 4th was...well...peculiar.
In 7-9th grade I had alread hated (strong word, but accurate) my peers and distanced myself. I was ridiculued and shrugged it off a lot. In fact, one of my peers tried to kill me once (came up behind me with a rope and wrapped it around my throat, choking me). He was trying to gain cred/approval from his peers from this, but instead he got expelled (duh).
In 10-12th grade is when things really changed...People started liking me again. I was that kid who stood up occasionally for the other picked-on kids, but I didn't care enough to befriend them (sorry if that makes me seem like a jackass). I actually started standing up for ppl in 4th grade, but I really didn't start to associate myself with this thinking until high school. I would see my so-called "friends" pick-on other kids and I'd walk in-between them, stare my "friend" in the face and go, "First off, you're acting like a jerk, stop it. Can't you realize there is nothing good about what you're doing? Second, continue and you lose my friendship and you'll have to deal with me"...They would generally stop...they weren't what I'd call "bullies", but they were highly immature. Regardless, it was after doing this for a long time that these immature kids that I've known since pre-school even were asking me to hang-out, go to parties, ask me what I was doing later. It was rather, strange.
Now, in college. It's kind-of the same thing. Except there are too many people and I don't stand-up for random people very often (because, people are better about it in public settings here at college). My friends are from all walks of life. Emo, goth, jockies, nerds, etc. Basically every walk of life, with the exception of "preppies". I will say, I do find myself making my friends on the more emotional-side, in regards to the female gender. A lot of them have messed up histories (running away from home, drug addictions, parental abuse, rape, suicide attempts, etc). Who you become friends with depends on not WHO you are (an "outcast" as you say), but rather WHERE you are going. ASD is considered a developmental disorder, after all. My types of friends changed with every passing year, because I didn't get stuck thinking, "well, people don't find me cool, I guess I'll be the nerd for the rest of my life and keep on spending 10-12 hours a day on my computer".
I hope what I wrote doesn't seem like it was off-topic. What I am trying to show is that things change and that everyone is someone elses outcast and that characterizations have little-to-no importance anyhow. Determine where you want to go and whoever your friends are, great. The fact that you have them is all that really matters here. I probably did a poor job of showing that though, my apologies. I tried, ha-ha.
When you talked about your early school days, I had a bit of an "aha!" moment. Or more of a "huh??? REALLY?!" moment. When I was in K and 1st grades, I don't think I even really had much of an awareness of other kids. I kind of did; I remember a red-headed kid who peed his pants, and a girl whose first name began with an "X", and someone telling me I looked funny with my eyes closed. But I don't remember doing anything with other kids or feeling any need to relate to them. Perhaps I did, but I don't remember that. In 2nd grade, I had a "friend", but mostly because she lived a few doors down, and always wanted to play. I don't think it ever really dawned on me that other people build up social connections at that age. (I've never had anyone suggest to me that I'm on the spectrum.) I just assumed that it was normal to not focus on friendships and social connections at such a young age.
In middle school, I don't remember speaking to anyone (or feeling the need to), except a couple of girls who I suppose were outcasts.
In high school, I associated with no one except my best friend, who I was very close to. She was from a dysfunctional family, and struggled a lot with her own identity. She was an outcast the first year I knew her, then became popular among the punk rocker types. (early 80's)
04 Jan 2009, 12:10 am
However of late I've come to accept it and it really doesn't bother me anymore. As far as having friends I wouldn't say I had outcasts for friends but my friends were never in the 'in' crowd. Looking back I'm glad it was that way.
