I'm bursting with envy

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yep. sure is.

I find this in an interesting dichotomy: Clearly you are somewhat of a social being. You obviously seek out like-minded individuals. You live in an area where one has more than the basic necessities (including internet access)...

Not that far outta the hive, are ya?

very adversarial today NQ! very devil's advocate!

I live alone (+ 2 dogs) on a small acreage outside of a small country town. I hardly think that's 'social'.

everyone is taking the bait today NQ...

by the way. the new work on your avatar looks pretty good.

i won't ever try to corrupt you because you are already corrupted.

Interesting. I've never had that problem with groups. Don't get me wrong, I have had sensory issues (which were worse in the past) such as the feel of some types of fabric making me nauseous to the point of wanting to throw up.

In groups I have always tended to be ostracized (drama groups are the first groups that don't do this) and teased and generally mocked as entertainment for the rest of them (in drama groups, i am still the entertainment, but in a more positive way were everyone is amused and entertained by my antics). However, I never personally had any problems standing in the midst of a group of people. Often I'd choose to be by myself because I preferred it (I still do isolate myself for long stretches of time because I enjoy this), but I have come to enjoy being the centre of attention in a social situation.

Sometimes I do find big social situations overwhelming I guess (thinking about it more careful) and in that instance I retreat to a quiet corner and observe people instead.

it is also really interesting to consider how wer do develop in certain areas over time. i know this has been the case for me. there are things i amdoing now - in the second half of mylife - that were inconceivable in the first half. so, there has been great progress. others may consider these insubstantial , but for me they are huge. the fact i don't medicate my sensory issues to thepoint of homelessness is one.

there are a few others. talking on the phone was very difficult when i was younger and most calls went unanswered. today it is the best way i can actually stay centredin a converstaion with someone.

i relate to the retreat thing sunshower.
It is strange though, as i talk on my special interest with some pretty major australian painters at arts festivals and that is absolutely fine. i juat wrote an article for a mag on the current debate surrounding the use of digital aids and projections, pulling in Hockney's argument that is presented in "Secret Knowledge" (relating ir back to vermeer and also caravaggio and others and teh use of frawing aids such as camera obscura and camera lucida blah blah blah) and i talked on radio about that too. so i can "perform" in an articulated fashion.

so all that stuff is fine with me, so long as i have one of my special interests to monologue on.

i'm getting some idea of it. and i too can be a very very loud aspie at times.

greentea: I sympathize with you, and I hope you can find some people that you can relate to, and who will accept you for who you are.

I´ve been a person that- partly due to my career- has moved around quite a lot...(but I´m slowing down a bit in that sense...) One thing I´ve noticed is that people are different everywhere. I´ve been in some situations where the people were hell, and others where I did find people who- well, if they were not like me- nobody is really exactly LIKE me- we at least had some things in common. I really do think environment can play a part somewhat, at least that has been my experience. Okay, I don´t know if you are in a position to move or change jobs or anything- but, maybe there is something new that you can try, where you can try the company of different people. I always found that I connect best with people who share my interests. Even if we are quite different in other ways, at least we have that one thing in common. That´s a start, anyway.

I know when the people around you are all one way, it´s easy to feel like you´re the crazy one, or that nobody else is like you. But it sounds like you´re just in the wrong environment (and it sounds like hell, to be honest!) I wish you luck- hang in there, and don´t give up.

Not sure why so many people feel obliged to go into this punish the freak behavior but I suspect it has something to do with self-hatred. The scapegoat phenomena is often a denial technique of projecting onto a vulnerable victim one's own self-loathing.... not quite being able to stomach the idea that one really hates one's own self [or what one has been conditioned to believe is one's self]. It serves to let some pressure off. I may be terribly naive about this but I honestly don't think it's anything personal..most of the time.. There are a lot of pissed off people out there looking for a doormat...and any old doormat will do.

To make matters worse, many NTs either put up with these bullies or passively condone their behavior.

I wonder if Thoreau also got tired of being scapegoated. Don't know much about him but if I'm going to envy anyone it will be someone like him. Although I suppose it would be more admiration than envy.

So few people are well adjusted. There's this 18 year old kid in Nepal who lives in the jungle. The townspeople revere him to the point of worship. Recently he came out from the jungle and talked a little bit...maybe for a day or two and that was more than enough for him....then he went back into the jungle. He's called the Buddha Boy. I also admire him.

Cast the line and reel 'em in!

The new avatar will change shortly as I'm owrking on yet another new project. Thanks for the compliment, though. Since becoming unemployed I've had just scads of time to devote to my "art".

I sometimes think that I'll never meet anyone like me. I don't think that even an AS support group would be an answer, because I suspect that I would be considerably higher-functioning and seen as 'more NT' than many of the other people there. Yet around NT people, I'm unable to function in the same way as them either, and problems arise from being 'more AS'.

My parents live similarly: 2 dogs and a small farm nestled against a hill 35 minutes outside of the nearest "town". The older I get the more I am attracted to that secluded lifestyle.

I can relate to this. I seem to hover somewhere between the two groups without really identifying with one over another.

yeah well good to see. and good to see you in fine form.
shake em up NQ shake em up.

Ah yes, I can really relate to this. When I was younger I wouldn't dream of every being able to do the things I do now. I went from being the most ostracized person in school to (nowadays) being a prominent person in classroom situations. Sometimes, I almost feel popular.

When I was younger, I hated socializing and would always want to sit by myself and read in a corner. Nowadays I have learned to truly enjoy socializing and now have the best of both worlds. From younger to now, I have learned empathy and how to read much vocal tone and body language (although a lot of that was cause I read a book on it) in conversation.

When I was younger, and diagnosed, the psychologist told my mum I would never be in a relationship and would be alone for the rest of my life. Recently, I have just come out of my first relationship.

It's amazing how you can change and develop over time. As far as the phone thing goes, I'm exactly the same! I used to hate and loathe answering/calling people on the phone. I would refuse to do it, and mum would try to make me call one of my "friends" (generally those she made for me) and I would dial the number, wait two to three rings, then hang up and say that they didn't answer. Mum eventually cottoned onto this however. But yes, nowadays I can quite enjoy a phone conversation, although I still get twinges of fear and reluctance to pick up the phone on and off (especially strong tinges, almost as bad as I used to be, if it's work related).

sunshower, you are just wonderful and a real testimony to risk-taking and going out an dbuilding a life.
go girl, and keep moving forwards. i feel incredibly hopeful and inspired when i hear someone your age with AS talking in the way you do.

it's just great.



and the other thing is - you are austrlian..... (and don't the australia day celebrations with all those patriotic flags, make you wanna gag!)

It's almost as if I have an Aspie core with an outer NT shell. I can identify with the experiences and feelings of others on WP as I've never been able to with anyone before: I recognize their fundamental thought processes as being the same as mine. Yet if I watch other diagnosed AS people on video, I'm reasonably certain that my physical behavior presents as far more NT.

Admittedly, though, it's hard to know yourself how others perceive you. Do I look 'off' to NTs in the same way that lower-functioning Aspies look 'off' to me?