Anyone Married To A Non-Aspie?

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I have this same experience all the time when I meet someone new. Initially they are intrigued by the various interests that I have then they lose interest in me when they find out I don't want to come over for dinner, or go to parties, or do any of the usual social stuff. I'm sure I come off as too intense and too highly focused on whatever I'm doing.

I find it extremely difficult to have an objective view of what most people are like because I tend not to see aspects of other people's lives that I'm not familiar with. For the last year or so I've been working with a realtor to sell my place which is impossible in this market, but that has resulted in my maintaining contact with her much longer than you would in a normal real estate market. She has commented a number of times to me that I have the most unusual interests of any man she's ever met. And in her line of work she's certainly met a lot. It's rare feedback like this that makes me aware of just how far outside of the mainstream I must be.

I've only been aware of the spectrum for going on a year now. I've never been on a mission to fix myself because I was never aware that anything needed fixing. I know I have a different view of life from most people but I never thought that was something that needed to be fixed. To me things that need fixing are like if you're sick, or you broke your arm, or your car stopped running.

Alex's voice in that video is extremely nasal. He also hesitates a lot and is slow. I was surprised by how not-normal he seems in that video. Outwardly only, I mean.

Funny, I never noticed Alex as being "different" either. He pauses occasionally, but I don´t think of that as odd. I also would have never guessed he has AS. Maybe I saw a different video?

From what I was able to gather, for her it was something of a "trigger" more than anything. I don't think she saw AS so much as she saw similarities in not only his presentation mannerisms (along with some more informal actions), but also things he described as being difficult for him (his experiences).

What I'm about to say is going to sound rude. I want to apologize as I do not mean this in a rude way. My husband (ADHD) and I (AS) decided to discuss this because I wanted to chime in and give some advice. The problem is, the more I read in the thread, the more it became apparent that no one here really wants to accommodate the NT in the relationship. (Not saying this to the OP.) Every relationship needs give and take. You cannot expect an NT to accommodate your AS if you're not willing to accommodate their NT. Plain and simple.

OP - Marriages don't work all the time. Two people can love each other dearly, but unless they mesh well, it will not survive. This is not an AS dependent problem. Most guys have a hard time meeting the emotional needs of some women. Some women need more than their spouse can give. If you feel like you can give more, then do so. If she has too high of expectations, then she needs to lower them. There is a medium that all spouses need to find in order to keep their relationship together. It's that simple.

I am on the breaking point with my partner after nearly 10 years.

The main problem was (and is) the different idea about the basis. For him comforting and emotional closeness, being often together, sharing time and interests, are very important; for me it was a deal of mutual unconditioned support. I never understood, for example, his need of having lunch or dinner together or why did not like to sleep alone. He told me more than ones that he is "emotionally drying out", even I do support him in all respects and he still needs my daily help (beginning with the computer to legal questions or practical issues within the household), he insists in the meanwhile on a separation.

A lot of difficulties raised not so much in respect I what I did, but more what I said. He needs to hear facts in "gentle way", I am to an extreme extent fact-based, analytical - he thinks more "with his heard". For a while it worked, with a lot of tensions, quite well; at least my impression.

Even in the process of the breaking up the relation the differences are still dominant. I am insisting on a clear agreement regarding all issues on a clear tabula-rasa-basis, whilst he does not see the point of such an agreement.

I found this article today discussing some of the challenges of relationships. I am the NT of our AS/NT relationship and it definately has been challenging. But there are qualities about my husband that keeps me trying and now that we are learning more about AS, I hope we can develop better tools to keep us going during difficult times.

http://www.aspergeradults.ca/assuiteadu ... ships.html

Yes, and very happily! Fortunately my husband finds my 'quirks' endearing. I think we actually have a better relationship than many NT couples, since in my own experience AS has made me think more like a guy. We're really straightforward with each other; we don't just rely on each others' social or emotional intuition to know what each other are thinking. (It also helps that we both crave deep pressure - and he actually lets me stim on him.)

It helps that he doesn't want to change me, and I don't want to change him. Also I think that all people will have problems with relationships if they're with the wrong person. Will and I are very similar in our tastes, physical needs and even sensory issues (despite the fact that he is NT). So we are very compatible.