Do you actually want to socialise, though?

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Yep, that's what I've been trying to say.

'Different' vs. 'lacking in some areas', it's something I read a lot on this forum, and I have to say that I've no problem with seeing myself as 'lacking in some areas'. Look around, a lot of posters express that they have trouble understanding social interaction in general. There are social cues that I miss, there are things I don't see, there are sensory overloads I experience that others, non-autistics, don't. I trip sometimes, but there's been improvement. And while I realise full well that I'm more fortunate than some other autists, I'm aware of my flaws and I will compensate accordingly. If it offends anyone that I consider my autism a little flaw, then I'm sorry.



I voted that I would like to be better at social interaction, and I'll add that I would actually like to socialise. But I think I'll wait a while until I'm ready, because I have some personal issues I need to get out of the way first.

one side of the brain says yes while the other side says no.

I couldn't have put it better myself.

No way socialization is at the bottom of my list of things I want to do, I would prefer to read a book, watch the discovery channel etc. because those things help feel me deal with my insane amount of curiosity. I have this drive to learn about everything I can and socialization with people don't help me.

Damn straight. I think I'm going to start watching the discovery channel. All I do is watch cartoons or comedies all day, but I too need to feed my curiosity.

i do not want to socialize. i would have to fake things in order to be liked.
like laughing when everyone else does etc.
or i have to feign appreciation of beauty. eg: someone may say "aren't those flowers beautiful ?". they are not to me, but i have to force an agreeing "hmmm" out.

or they all are excited about some sports event and they cheer and pat each others back while watching it and i am expected to act enthusiastic and like them. i just am not able to act it.
these are just a few of the myriads of examples.

it seems to me as if people spend much of their teenage and early adult years looking at themselves in their bathroom mirrors practicing their smiles, and practicing how to flick their hair for maximum effect. the girls especially pout their faces in coy smiles that they must have practiced while looking in a mirror.

most people are conscious of their image while they talk, and part of their mind is preoccupied with how they come across. most people aim to impress, and all they say is colored in a way that makes them look good. sometimes, even seemingly selfless people who help everyone out are subconscious "appreciation junkies". they like to be thanked, so they pay for it. some even go to ethiopia because they get more thanks for their dollar there.

it seems to me that when i am talking with someone, when i finish my sentence, they immediately have something to say about it. how could they think in the 1/10th of a second between when i stopped talking and when they started, all that they say in their following sentence?.
they must have been composing the sentence in their minds while i was talking to them, so they must not be listening fully while i speak, but trying to craft a reply that is better than what i said.

social conversations are not remembered for long. i did tests on my few friends (they knew i was testing) to find out some things i wanted to know.
my best female friend sonia (who is NT but bi-polar (she is not my gf)) was over and we were talking and i thought "you will never remember this conversation so why are we having it?"

so i reminded her of the most memorable night we ever had together. we were at "the basement" which is a live jazz music place, and we both eventually played a song on stage during intermission. anyway i will not go into that, but it was memorable and social so i asked her "what was the first thing we talked about that night?". she had no idea.
i asked if she remembered anything we talked about that night and she said she did not.

but that night was a marathon of conversations and we talked until sun up.

but she has no recollection of anything said.
it is futile to think my words are more important than just a momentary piece of entertainment for other people.

so i answered no (or i will in a minute)

The Basement in Circular Quay? I love that place, apart from the alcohol prices. I saw Tim Rogers there. It was a great night. I actually had a good conversation with a very dedicated You Am I fan.

Interesting what you said about people not remembering what was said. I have a poor short term memory and used to drink a fair bit so people would bring up things that I said or did, but I didn't remember. Although I remember a few first 'dates' with this guy and I was constantly repeating myself to him.

Also, funny about NT's responding immediately after you finish talking. It takes me time to respond, because it takes words to form a correct sentence structure in my mind. I also remember reading that it's take autistics longer to process sounds.

After repeatedly re-writing this sentence I decided to look up the defition of socializing. I knew the approximate definition being "make fit for life in companionship with others", but does it mean getting along with a group of people or just with several singles?

I don't mind being on my own. I just feel sometimes I'm missing out something important. Although most people I meet usually find me strange and don't spend a lot of time with me because i never say much. But I've made a few great friends that appreciate my company and that I can more or less communicate with. They all tend to be different from society themselves. I can only cope with one person at a time(and I only cope with certain people). I don't like talking to several people as It usually confuses me and I end up being left out.

On the other hand I like playing team sports, or going out in the evenings with friends sometimes.

I don't think we all want to, but somehow somethings missing. I prefer avoiding it to not have to feel the necessity to constantly agree or talk about something I'm not always interested in.

I agree with B9 and always remember a lot about past conversations that every one seems to forget.

BTW out of context but does any one know a PC program to watch history or discovery channel as I love to spend my day watching either. I'm currently stuck with french channels and Al Jazeera wich gets a bit boring after the thirteenth same news report. I live in France so their might not be a Program that works in France?

yes.


i preferred the "paradise jazz cellar" up in kings cross. there were extremely interesting people there. they shut the doors to the public at 3am and those of us who were left inside had a great time and the musicians used to break out their marijuana and roll up and smoke and then play again and it was even better than before the doors were closed. i met some interesting musicians there like robbie krupski who i worked a bit with etc.

the basement had a kind of sterile international banality about it.




it was not due to drink that she forgot. we did not drink much alcohol.
all long term memories start out as short term memories, and if short term memory is impaired at such an early age, then there will be no long term memories for her to remember when she is older.





i can not think my own words while i am listening to someone talk.
it is like trying to listen to 2 radio broadcasts simultaneously.
this is why i rapidly get impatient with people who talk to me. i want then to finish talking because i commit what they say to my memory, and when they stop talking, i rapidly replay their words in my mind and develop my response. but usually i am too slow for the social dance, and by the time i have prepared what i am going to say, they think there is an awkward silence so they continue to talk and prevent me from responding.

it is a "buggers muddle"

I would like to socilise because i do feel iam missing out in some areas.

I'm the same way.

Not particularly.
I've become jaded and distant toward most human beings.
I prefer to be by myself whenever I can.
It's safer, and a lot quieter here.

I wish I could have just a few friends who I could hang out with. I have friends who I hang out with at lunchtime at school, but most of them are in different classes, and lately one of them decided it was funny to run off with my bag when they know I can't run. They keep pulling stunts like this, and it just feels like I'm being picked on. I never seem to have REAL friends.

If you don't feel the need to socialise why did you join WrongPlanet?

I'm not sure were actually(i like that word) bothered about socialisation because the definition of socialisation is:

1. To place under government or group ownership or control; establish on a socialistic basis.
2. To fit for companionship with others; make sociable in attitude or manners.
3. To convert or adapt to the needs of society.
4. To take part in social activities.

and I'm sure many other None Aspies are not interested in fitting definition 1, 3 and possibly 2 of socialisation.

I think it's more about communicating with people without feeling uneasy or without hesitation

Last edited by LordGavin on 04 Feb 2009, 9:55 am, edited 3 times in total.

ah, because we don't have to put up with the messy parts of socialization, here. No breathing in the sometimes less than dainty breath of those standing too near, no confusing body hocus pocus or twisting faces to try to interpret! What they have chosen to douse themselves with, scent, laundry soaps, dryer sheets or just plain body odor is out of the equation.
and no one over stays their welcome, for all we have to do is skip their post and 'poof' they are invisible!

WP is socialization, but no muss, no fuss. .

Merle