pride vs. shame in aspergers

Post Reply New Topic

I couldn't call myself proud of it. I like parts about who I am that may be associated with Asperger's (focus, interest, not being generic) and don't like some things (talking slowly, not being a good listener). But I wouldn't make Asperger's exclusively responsible for that. I take them as personality traits more than symptoms. To me it is a convenient label that gives people an expectation of my personality and allows me to find people like me. Sometimes I think I'd be better off without it--not the syndrome but the label.

I am neither proud nor ashamed of it.

There are certainly elements of both, but for the most part I would say I am indifferent.

I'm not proud of it at all. If there was any way I could go back in time, repeat my life.. and somehow eliminate AS from my life, I would do it. My childhood was a nightmare. And early adulthood was a real struggle, as i slowly learned how to interact with other people. No one in my family even bothered to tell me about my Autism diagnosis at age 4... until I was 32 years old!! They knew I had it. Was I not entitled to know about my own brain?? Why it didn't work like everyone else's?? They just chose to pretend like it never happened, like there was nothing wrong with me. I'm ashamed of what a fool I made of myself in front of so many people.

At least now that I know what was wrong with me all that time, it provides a sense of closure. At age 37, I think I've improved quite a bit at social interaction. I live on my own.... and I've had the same job for 3 years, and I was complimented on my good work by one of my manager's bosses.. so I guess I must be doing something right.