Social Skills Training for Adults

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One of the realizations that I am coming to is that this is "offensive" to me on a lot of different levels. I have known FOREVER that I was different. Now it is wrong for some reason? Why is that exactly?

The thing that insulted me highly about the paper he handed me is that it said the following....

IF: you
1. listen
2. Talk to me
3. Look at me, make encouraging gestures/sounds
4. Have friendly thoughts about me

THEN: I will have friendly thoughts about you

In any stressful situation, I cannot look people in their eyes. It overwhelms me and takes away 1 and 2. Number 1 often takes away number 2 as I get wrapped up in literal translation or details and confused. I have NO FREAKING CLUE what number 4 is and say that it is impossible. If it wasn't impossible then it would be dangerous to me. Strangers can take advantage of me if I am friendly right away... (AKA before I have the chance to "judge" them)

So the wording basically tells me that I am screwed from ever having an NT like me.

I KNOW that isn't true because I have a TON of NT friends. Michelle Winner is writing this crap and it is being taught all over the place. In ONE word, it is "offensive" besides being WRONG! Right now I cannot do those steps.

The school visit was similar.

My "Little's" Mother and I both went to this school and watched a social skills class being given. I lasted for 2 minutes in that class before I was pacing and angry. His Mother said the same and said she was very sad when the teacher told us that the kids were so well "in tune" because they have been doing this since kindergarden. Their spirits were broken and the whole thing was horrible. The room was ridiculous with posters on the wall everywhere reminding me how broken I was. I had to leave that place. The kids were not well IMHO.

Here is the deal. I somehow am not only making it but making it in a BIG WAY out in this world. If I can figure out what it is that I do and Language it, I can make really BIG changes. The doctor who is taking me on tour thinks the same. She says the models largely do not work. I think the doctors are getting it mostly wrong here with this "social skills" training. idk yet. I cannot fully articulate but am very close. Right now every white board and every window in my house is filled with data, charts, graphs, words and pictures. I have everyone worried about me right now which is exactly what happens right before something REALLY unique and good is formed from my whacko mind!

I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it this way but if I offended my apologies...

Yes, being told that 'you' are the problem, being who you are is wrong is incredibly offensive on every level. Where they see a dysfunction to be corrected, I see the core of who I am,. how I think... I see me. They cannot see the forest through the trees. They do not understand the root causes of the 'social dysfunctions' they are trying to correct. They do not understand that it attacks self esteem and the core of who the individual is.

They see therapy - we see brainwashing to be someone who we not.



Sic 'em! I love those break through moments. It's almost like giving birth.

NO! You said nothing. I LOVE Your involvment and insight. Please continue.

LOL! I am out to get 'em but in a good way.

I just Lanaguaged a really important concept in fact that I am HIGHLY excited to share! It reflects what you said about self esteem. This training is killing mine which is why my anxiety levels are so high. THAT is the fundamental flaw that is not being seen. I discovered anothe fundamental flaw while drawing on my windows over the weekend and will share it later.

In the meanwhile I think I will experiement some more in my weekly sessions with bending my current beliefs. While I suffered an obvious crash in confidence I am wondering if I can push harder and move? CAN I figure out how to make chagnes or make this work before crashing into a wall? THAT is the question.

Yeah. This.

I've done just OK. There are some important pieces missing in my interactions. But that said, I have done better than might be expected. A few twists and turns and things could have turned out very bad. It would be very interesting to "compare notes" so to speak. And I seem to be better than average at articulating some of these things. My shrink seems to think I have some role in advocacy/awareness/education. Not sure what shape that should take, but it is a nascent idea that won't go away.

I was pretty sure you didn't mean it that way but it's always good to double check - especially in print.

Maybe it's important to point out what you have already said - YOU DID JUST FINE WITHOUT THESE SKILLS. You do not HAVE to learn these skills. You are choosing to expand your knowledge. There are countless management workshops and seminar series on learning how to 'read people' - lots of them are offered in HR. It can be helpful but isn't necesaarily essential to doing your job. You take from it what you can use and toss those seminar notes away afterwards.

I keep looking for the analogies that will explain the differences. Maybe social skills being like trying to 'learn a foreign language' is an off analogy. It's more like trying to learn an entire new culture along with the language... It does seem ludicris that people get an emotion from a talk about the weather. I agree with you! I'm sorry but that is just... stupid, in my reckoning. In my world emotion is a precious thing not to be wasted on trivialities because emotion is a huge investment of energy on my part. I have tons of feelings but only on things that matter to me. The NT world works in reverse to that - emotion is an unlimited resource that they use and abuse at will. At times that strategy backfires and that ability to feel overwhelms them. They feel their way through life - we think our way through life. Both NT and ASD feel and think but in opposite proportions. Neither is right, neither is wrong - it is just two very different approaches to handling the world. NT's do value autistic traits - the newest self help guru thing is teaching people how to hyper focus - where time becomes meaningless. Look up 'Flow Theory'. Yet, this is something they try and train OUT of ASD. I'm sure there are more than a few aspies who could be considered masters of this.

It's all a matter of perspective. Typical interventions and therapies focus on teaching ASD to act like NT without addressing the difference in thought perspective. In fact, they don't even realize there IS a different perspective. this is where you are blowing them away... OMG you actually THINK different...

It would be kind of cute in its pervasive naivety if not for the absolute damage its causing kid and families under its mistaken effect.

I'm not so sure that it should be considered 'obvious' that that is not how everyone else thinks. When I was younger I did assume all people thought in the same manner as I did. It was a shock to my system to realize they did not. But that does not change the fact that THEY all assume the same exact thing. We are not damaged NT's - we are fully functional ASD. Learn the difference and drop the biases.

In THAT light - your self esteem needs to be rock solid! You are simply learning a different 'culture' - that in no way reflects on your success in your own. They have MUCH more to learn off of you than you have to learn off of them. This social skill classes are your Rosetta Stone program in conversational NT - that's all.

Sorry for coming on strong on this but it makes me CRAZY - stone cold insane - that professionals are so naive and that their ignorance is damaging so many people on a daily basis. It is unintentional, in most cases. they mean well but that doesn't excuse doing so much harm.

On a side note - I love seeing how other people 'think.' For artists I love seeing their mood boards and sketch books, writers, their notebooks and inspirations. You mentioned you coated your space with research and pictures and - STUFF - and it piqued my curiosity. If you'd be so inclined I'd love to see a picture of that glorious mess. I think that sort of stuff says much more than the words ever do... (s'ok if you're uncomfortable with that... just curious is all! I had to at least ask!)

I <3 everything you said and know it to be true but it doesn't hurt to hear it over and over.

And just "cause you are so cool. Here is a look into the mad ASD mind.

And this is a small portion of it. LOL!

OMG - THATS AWESOME!

I am instantly intrigued by all the little stick figures! I see some mathmatical equations that both intrigue me and terrify me at the same time. If you go making points with math - I'm out of the loop... diagrams and charts are more my friends and I see plenty of those.

You lab assistant is quite attractive too.

And you have seriously upped your cool quotient by going all 'House' and writing on the sliding glass door windows! Now THAT is some serious thought when you just need to see it - BIG - NOW.

Thanks! My mad scientist image of you is now complete. I suggest you save these pics for the inside flap of your first book...

And thats a BBQ deck if I ever saw one.

I always knew my life was lacking whiteboards, colored markers, and more space in which to write things out.

I KNOW I am not alone in getting a perverse pleasure out of hitting up the office supply aisles while shopping. Yes, I DO need the set of 24 different colored Sharpies. OfficeMax and Staples are like aspie porn shops... I can get lost looking at pens and pencils for an hour - easily.

I used to always have collections of paper - blank paper, graph paper, notebook paper - and colored pencils, sharpies, etc. I somehow stopped doing that at some point, after one of my moves.

Actually, the most frustrating thing about where I live now is I don't have the space to really sit down and make tons of notes on whatever it is that has my interest at the moment.

But whiteboards and windows? Epic. And the best reason I've ever heard to own my own house.

Oh yeah... A part of that bigger white board (not the biggest one I have in my house but it is bigger) is me getting "cozy" with the quadratic equation. I am dissecting its origin and uses.

Gives me a break from the "work" of doing my ASD thinking.

The other Math looking stuff that you see is how thoughts come through me. I am taking all the Math and nonsensical stuff out of my final slides. If I have Math it will be very fundamental and approved through my NT audience. My Doctor is a "word" thinker and corrects my words all the time.



Lab Assistant is my 19 year old cat... Taz. LOL! about the "cool quotient" Only on this board and at work would this be considered cool. (What does this mean? Going all "house")



I will send them to my writer. Good idea. She was actually given the tour of these this weekend and walked through my raw thoughts. Oh.. She took pics too. I mentioned that I was eccentric a little and her comment. "Karla, I am a little eccentric." "You are OMFG eccentric." LOL! Generally my process is to white board, talk it through, white board some more and then write it down. I always write on my sliders and big windows when I get hot ideas.

And behind that deck is 40 acres of peace and quiet. Ahhhhhh....

Dr. Gregory House from the tv show House. He always writes out his differential dxs on a big white board or pad - or, when in a pinch, on windows, walls, whatever's handy...



Reminds me of my favorite fortune cookie quote: "There is no great genius without a touch of madness." 'OMFG eccentric' actually sounds familiar to me.



And BIGFOOT?! I'd be quite interested if you are in Bigfoot territory... I'm still holding out for Gigantopithecus.

I'd be so lost without my whiteboard. The Drs/shrinks that work regularly with me set one up for me before I come to see them. That way they get more out of me. i went full out (talking to myself and everything) crazy at my last social skills session. It was how I worked out my feelings.... I drew the chart and the collisions that I saw. I was talking it through to myself as I was drawing. I can only imagine what was going on in his mind as I was in the "form". I do not usually present that to people.



Oh. Pop Culture reference. Sigh... I will NEVER get those references I'm afraid.
I think I am in big foot country. Never saw one though...

T-3 hours until the next session.... My strategy is going to be to go in an learn damn it. I am now fully aware of how hard this sort of training can be on ego. I will take this learning with me when I teach but for these sessions am going to go in with an empty cup. I cannot learn if I know it all. So that is how I will approach the session today... Let's see where it goes.

On a completely other side of the equation. I got an email from OHSU yesterday. I am going to schedule my first conference to a small quorum of Doctors/therapists next month. I WILL be touching on the subject of how these sessions are affecting my "self".

Here's an out of the box thought. How about going in with no strategy at all. I get the sense that you are 'attacking' this as a problem to be solved. Maybe it should be approached as an experience in which to be immersed.

Just weird thought.

^^^Therein lies the challenge...

And, another overused pop culture reference that seems apropo...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dzm8kTIj_0M[/youtube]