Social Skills Training for Adults

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Huh.... I somehow read in all the posts that my social life only exists because of my employment or my status in my employment. Sorry if I misread that...

My relatsionship model explains the "being taken adavantage of" thing I think. You just need to hone your filters a bit better. What I have learned to do is to never give out monentarily without much thought. I teach people to fish instead of giving them fish whenever possible.

I was not really bullied in school too very much. My older brother always looked after me and he was the neighborhood/school all around badass and bad boy too. He beat anyone up who dared to pick on me. I learned to be a good fighter too and was smarter than the bullies as well so when he wasn't around I would scheme up some way to get them in trouble. I was horrible actually about that and sneaky as hell when someone pissed me off. I would plant stolen things in their bags and stuff like that... I do not take to being mistreated very well. So net is that I did not get picked on too much. The worst was when I was in Germany and that made me pretty upset but I just stopped going to school so fixed that problem. I missed a good part of my high school education from missing school in fact after my bother graduated (my 11th and 12th grades). And yes, I forged transcripts, notes, excuses, etc. to get away with it all. It really wasn't all that hard. The adults in my life were not very bright it seemed. If not for my brother I may have had a pretty rough childhood because I do remember him physically beating people up who stopped to pick on me. Funny thing is that he is now a psychologist. I haven't talked to him since I have been DX'd. He and I never talk on the phone and only speak when I fly back there. I need to get back there to talk to my family again... I haven't been back since my Father died.

Yes, I went to public school. Things were VERY different when I was young. We regularly got hit by adults and we beat the crap out of each other regularly too. Bullying wasn't even a word back then. We just fought. (See above RE bullying and me though)

I got my high tech job after I returned from Desert Storm and got out of the USMC.. I was in Intelligence working with NSA and other military top secret agencies in the Marines. College did not happen for me until a few years after I had first started high tech.

Yes, you misread that. Well, I can't speak for anyone else of course but I just thought we were sharing experiences.

I did think your response was interesting though (and I'm not trying to imply anything here) in that it was a typical NT response in that it assumes that everything must be directed at someone or to be critical in some way. I've been reading "A Field Guide to Earthlings" by Ian Ford recently and he has a neat example of this in there that really struck a chord. One of my biggest problems in my relationship is that my partner nearly always assumes that every statement is somehow emotionally loaded.

It seems that you learned to really stick up for yourself. My family were at times the worst of my bullies and sticking up for myself could be physically dangerous. So I learned passivity very early. The "big lesson" I learned going up was that invisibility was my best defense. NEVER fight back was my paradigm. Too bad it doesn't generalize to adult life. Adults need to have some fight in them - not pure aggression or overt hostility, but enough fight to push back with confidence when necessary.

??? I am sooo confused. I think I "literally" read this...



What does all this text mean if not that I am being held up socially by my employees because I am in a position of authority or power? I really thought that was the intent of this message and was the thing I was supposed to consider.... Where is the emoitional loaded part? Sorry but now am really confused....

edit: Are you inferring that my statement about socially "sucking" is negative or emotional? I should not have used that word I think. What I meant to say is that I have a social life outside of work and that I am only lacking (AKA suck) in the area of formal small talk. I always forget that "suck" is an emotional word for many people or means something worse than lacking. If that isn't it, please help me understand. I keep reading and re-reading trying to figure out this emotional loaded content thing and where that might come from.

Sorry but I can't help but giggle here... kfisherx said something that was 'typically NT' without even meaning to...

Not laughing at anyone - just laughing with you...

I totally get the frustration with the assumptions of 'emotionally loaded' dialogue that isn't even there. We don't read into them enough and they read way too much into us.

Like I have already said, I just thought we where sharing experiences. The other poster would have to confirm exactly what they meant but if you read it all again you'll see it is all "I's" and not "You's" so I'm not sure why you'd think it applies to yourself.



You misunderstand again. I do not mean to say you are using emotionally loaded language but that you appear to have perceived what was said (other posters sharing experiences which have parallels) as emotionally loaded (ie directed at you) when it wasn't.

Huh? He starts out by saying "YOU" (referring to me) then goes on to say that he was in that same situation and how it affected him....

How is this not sharing experiences with the intent of getting me to think that this may also be my situation. It is a good thinking point actually so I don't mind it but I the words are there.

Lol @ "sharing experiences with the intent", you make it sound like a crime

Joking aside, I'm still mystified how you perceive what somebody said about themselves to be tantamount to saying "you suck at socialising".

When you say it is a good thinking point I think that was exactly how it was intended.

See NOW we are speaking "apples". It is because I used the phrase "suck at socializing" that you are reading into my intent...

I read the original intent to be a "thinking point" for me. BUT in that example the "thinking point" was...outside of the work environment (where people suck up to me due to my position) that social skills fall down or are viturally not there. (I call this "sucks" because the word does not have negative emotion attached to it in my brain. "don't suck at socializing" is the same thing as saying, "my social life is not going to disappear after I leave work or that my entire social life is tied to my work"

No emotion intended or read...

The word "sucks" has negative connotations because it's origins are in the act of fellatio.

That is soooo illogical to me. If that is the case, it should be a GOOD thing. This is where I fall so far from social norm that I get into serious trouble all the time.... I call myself weird and shrinks tell me not to do that and it just doesn't make sense. I am much more literal than most people it seems. So my apologies for the mis-fire in the past messages. I should not have used that word.

LOL. This is so funny.

I kind of agree with you, but you have to consider the context. When the term was coined the act was generally considered by society degrading and dirty.

So much can hinge on the interpretation of one word! I often think that I'm different in how I use language; most people seem to "paint pictures" with their words with broad brush-strokes whereas I see words as precise components or precisions tools to craft an exact model.

I think a lot of us here use language like you do. I know this causes me a lot of miscommunication pain with other people who have broader interpretations of what I am trying to say than I do.

It kind of fascinates me too that even if several of us interpret something literally, our interpretations can still differ.