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Inventor
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19 Oct 2009, 10:34 pm

Due to the lack of a check list, how am I different, just how are all of the other people different, and why am I considered extra different, it took a long time to figure out.

I never knew that other people did not do math in their heads. That took watching them break out the paper, or calculator, for what I find simple and automatic.

Until I had jobs that lead to visiting many houses, I thought everyone had a room, or at least a wall, of books.

Watching Jepordy in a bar I found that I knew nothing of what everyone knew, sports, movie stars, and everything that no one knew. Art, Physics, History.

I am different, but I would rather be me.



glider18
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19 Oct 2009, 11:03 pm

Thank you Inventor---those are some great points. It is interesting how long it can take to figure ourselves out. And even then, we might still be a mystery even to ourselves. My Dad can do math in his head. That is a great gift to be able for you to do that. As for Jeopardy material, yes, I can relate to that. If I got on a show like that, I would fear missing a question about some popular TV show that everyone seemingly knows the answer to---but that I would probably miss because I like to watch the documentary and learning channels. I just don't like fiction that much. Like you, I know that I am different---and I like it that way. Thanks again for posting.


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outlier
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20 Oct 2009, 4:21 am

Usually it's difficult for me to acknowledge I have gifts/abilities; for example, right now, I feel completely flat in terms of gifts/ability. Others will praise my work, but I mostly see all the flaws present in minute detail (and see so many that there's not enough time or energy to correct them all). Many don't understand how I can do certain things (usually exclaiming this in the form of a question) and so don't notice these (sometimes glaring) flaws. This seeing/being perfectionistic is part of the abilities, but the price is never being fully satisfied, and sometimes grossly underestimating yourself. For example, as I write a paragraph or apply a brush stroke, it's as though there's something in my mind constantly mocking it, making every move feel ridiculous to an extent. My question is as follows: It can be a draining hindrance, but would dimishing this also diminish the abilities, which are largely reliant upon being so detail-oriented and perfectionistic?



glider18
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20 Oct 2009, 6:19 am

Hi Outlier, I am challenged with perfectionism too. Sometimes I hesitate beginning a project because of the fear of it not being perfect. You speak of people praising your work, but you find the flaws in it. I can relate to that from the preludes I play at church. What is interesting is that if I am doing a complex piece and perform it as perfectly as I can, people hardly ever applaud (my church tends to applaud if they like something). But, if I feel I have made some mistakes, people applaud.

I also wonder that if diminishing the perfectionistic traits would diminish the abilities. This is one reason why I would not take medications for my autism. I feel it could mess up my abilities and the way I work with them. For example, I am into HO scale modeling---I like the fact that I tend to produce accurate scale models of the original structures/roller coasters/etc. Taking away this accuracy would result in flawed models that are not accurate representations of the original.


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outlier
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20 Oct 2009, 3:04 pm

I think there is truth to what you say about medications and they are a risk. I suspect that without a certain level of anxiety and self-doubt, there would be no perfectionism. Others comment on the intensity level in everything I do and how it's one of my most prominent features. I do not trust medications to produce the desired balance between being too perfectionistic/anxious to start projects and not perfectionistic enough to produce the desired level of accuracy.



visagrunt
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20 Oct 2009, 4:10 pm

Asperger's is part of who I am, and is as much responsible for who, where and what I am today as any other part of me.

Because of Asperger's I have skills that my employers need, and I am well compensated for them.
Because of Asperger's I have very few friends--but I am doubly glad for those that I have.
Because of Asperger's I have trouble starting projects--but I have developed the flexibility to manage my time creatively.
Because of Asperger's sometimes I cannot do things that others take for granted--but I have learned to live within my limits and find ways to meet my needs within them.
Because of Asperger's I don't know if I feel love--but my partner and I have been together for almost 19 years (he is NT), so that's got to count for something.

Every day I am thankful that I do not suffer from depression or anxiety. Without those burdens, my Asperger's is limiting, but not debilitating.


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glider18
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20 Oct 2009, 7:05 pm

Visagrunt---that is a beautiful way of looking at Asperger's. I am so glad you posted---a very good outlook for finding positives here. Welcome to the growing list of those of us with autism that embrace its gifts.

Glider18
Garyww
SpongeBobRocksMao
Millie
Pensieve
DeLoreanDude
GeomAsp
BobTheMartian
Inventor
Sunshower
Outlier
Poopylungstuffing
Morgana
Fiddlerpianist
WaterWater
AnAutisticMind
Starr
Scorpileo
ProfessorX
Danielismyname (your poetry is a gift whether you think so or not)
CanyonWind
Sora (I think you have described autistic gifts in your life whether you realize it or not)
Itsallrosie
Gaya
Dustintorch
Ghfreak13579
TheDoctor82
Lionesss
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo (in finding something positive about social aloofness)
Dianitapilla
Lita101 (I added your name because you stated that you want to find the good things in autism---that is positive)
Batz
Joshandspot
Prim8
SteveeVader
Tory_canuck
Alba
Odin
SplinterStar
Willmark (made comments about figuring out life---perhaps trying to look for the positives?)
Southwestforests (noted an interest in HO scale trains that is satisfying)
Seanmw
DarrylZero
LinnaeusCat
CockneyRebel
Dadsgotas
9CatMom
Ebec11
CerebralDreamer
AuntyCC
Visagrunt


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Nightsun
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21 Oct 2009, 3:28 am

hey put me into the list :P


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leejosepho
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21 Oct 2009, 3:39 am

glider18 wrote:
The gifts here are the talents and special intense interests many of us with autism have as a result of our different wiring.

It's the same thing with the talented and gifted---IQ of 125 and up. We call them gifted.

When you put autism together with talented and gifted, you get twice gifted ...


... as in comparison to other people?

Therein lies the problem.

Yes, I am gifted, but only for the sake of blessing others.


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glider18
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21 Oct 2009, 6:14 am

Hi Nightsun---I have enjoyed reading your posts. You seem very educated about the spectrum. Welcome to the list.

Hi Leejosepho---I read your post, but I'm not real clear on what you are meaning---guess I'm tired this morning. Let me know if you are meaning to be added to the positives/gifts list here and I will add you.

Glider18
Garyww
SpongeBobRocksMao
Millie
Pensieve
DeLoreanDude
GeomAsp
BobTheMartian
Inventor
Sunshower
Outlier
Poopylungstuffing
Morgana
Fiddlerpianist
WaterWater
AnAutisticMind
Starr
Scorpileo
ProfessorX
Danielismyname (your poetry is a gift whether you think so or not)
CanyonWind
Sora (I think you have described autistic gifts in your life whether you realize it or not)
Itsallrosie
Gaya
Dustintorch
Ghfreak13579
TheDoctor82
Lionesss
ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo (in finding something positive about social aloofness)
Dianitapilla
Lita101 (I added your name because you stated that you want to find the good things in autism---that is positive)
Batz
Joshandspot
Prim8
SteveeVader
Tory_canuck
Alba
Odin
SplinterStar
Willmark (made comments about figuring out life---perhaps trying to look for the positives?)
Southwestforests (noted an interest in HO scale trains that is satisfying)
Seanmw
DarrylZero
LinnaeusCat
CockneyRebel
Dadsgotas
9CatMom
Ebec11
CerebralDreamer
AuntyCC
Visagrunt
Nightsun


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hush6
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21 Oct 2009, 6:32 am

glider18 wrote:

Hi Hush6, and welcome. Gifts in life can often be hard to find. Sometimes we just don't look in the right place. And sometimes it takes a while for those gifts to surface. But, even though you relate here to difficult things with autism, you have stated something very good---you have a wish to be a part of the list here. So, there is a desire in you to find positiveness. If you keep wishing for that---you may very well find your happiness. If you don't mind me asking, what are some of your interests?


I play keyboards, I have never been taught or anything like that, apparently it is my little Autistic gift. meh. It's the ONLY THING I can do, and unfortunately, there is not much paid work for self-taught keyboardists with no real technique.

I also like playing video games alot, again, not much career opportunity there.

I have other interests as well, none of them are productive.



fongku
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21 Oct 2009, 6:35 am

are you kidding?!

I'm a SuperHero!

fong ku !



glider18
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21 Oct 2009, 7:12 am

Hush6---keyboards---I was fascinated by vintage synthesizers when I was growing up. I got hooked on them in 1973 when my family took me to Walt Disney World. One night we watched the Electrical Water Pageant and it had this amazing synthesized music accompanying it. Mom and Dad bought the souveneir record and it said on the back, "played on an electric Moog synthesizer." "Moog?" That was a funny name---but so cool I thought. I would listen to the record over and over again and pretend I was playing this instrument that I had no idea what it looked like.

As a child, I began getting records with synthesized music on it. By that time, I had begun playing the electronic organ---similar instrument that fascinated me beyond imagination. That is where I learned music. It wasn't so much the music, but the design, shape, overall look, the gadgetry, etc. that fascinated me. I got extreme pleasure by just looking at brochures of these instruments. I got the same thrill out of being taken to a store that sold organs as I did going to the amusement park.

In high school, I got my first real synthesizer---a Casio CZ-101. But my fascination still lie in those old analog synths of the early days (1970's). So, when I got into college, I began collecting vintage analog synths. I also bought some newer digital ones too as I had begun experimenting with multi-track recording. By the time I got married in 1989, I had 30 some synthesizers and electronic keyboards set up in a small studio in my parents' house.

Then, after all the malfunctions that old synths can give you, I gravitated toward another instrument I had heard, but was not too familiar with---the dulcimer. How refreshing---no electric hookups, no amps, very nice to set up and play---accoustic music was great too. When I saw a hammered dulcimer for the first time on an album by Trapezoid (out of West Virginia) I became entranced. I immediately got a kit to build one---my wife's uncle put it together. There were strings running everywhere on that thing---over and under each other---really strange. But, I was fascinated, and I almost immediately began playing songs on it. I used the hammered dulcimer in a country gospel group I had joined. I also played mountain dulcimers and harmonica on my own.

Today, my synth collection sits in my parents' basement awaiting the day that I will once again fire up the oscillators and make an unusual music. But for now, I am still actively playing the dulcimers, and I have launched a music ministry with them. The hammered dulcimer I currently use is a larger one than the one I first got---I sold some old synths to in order to buy it. And I use various other dulcimers of the mountain dulcimer type.

Gee...sorry...I am getting carried away here. Talk to me anytime about keyboards Hush6. I love them. Do you wish to be added to the list of positiveness?---It sounds like you do have a gift in music.


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hush6
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21 Oct 2009, 7:25 am

We share a passion for synthesizers. Up until recently I only used software synths, and really only pre-sets.

Last year I got my first piece of hardware, a microKorg, not the best, but it is good for beginners. I have taught myself how to create sounds from scratch now but still have a bit of trouble designing EXACTLY what I want to hear without fluking it a little. I'm about to start lessons with someone to help me become a better sound designer. And also because of the nature of my band I have been focusing on making bass sounds, I want to get away from that and start making more arpeggios.

When I have mastered my mK I will buy another synth, I am considering an Origin (has alot of the moog tones in it) or this other one I can't remember the name of, but it's not a synth with keys, you need to run a controller through it. The one I can't remember the name of has this cool feature where you can design your own wave form, like just free draw it. So insane! (if you're keen to know what this synth is, tell me, I'm sure I can find it).

But I wont get to get into any of that stuff until I make the mK my b***h, and that might take awhile because my brain works very slowly and I have no ability to multi-task.

But nah, don't add me to the list. I may have a gift for music, but I'm not sure it has anything to do with having AS, and like I said, it hasn't really improved the quality of my life in any really productive way. I know I seem like a negative nelly, but I just want to be like everyone else.



glider18
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21 Oct 2009, 8:50 am

Hi Hush6---yes, you are really into this too. It is strange that I have not gotten into software synths. But I do use the Miditzer theatre organ program to run through the church organ where I play. Miditzer is a free download on the internet that emulates the Mighty Wurlitzer theatre organ of the 1920's.

I am sorry, but I am no help on this keyless synth. I think what you are describing is a synth module, of which there are many. There was a neat one several years ago called "Vintage Keys" which had a lot of sampled old synths in it. I think the company Emu makes a lot of modules similar to what you are describing.

That is fine about your thoughts on the positiveness here. We are all different and have our own challenges and things. Feel free to post here anytime.


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25 Oct 2009, 3:24 pm

Quit scaring me.

Alone in silence and darkness on top of a mountain.