WP members GF ill with cancer

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UPDATE:
going to try sending a letter to her mom, i've been reluctant to do so at first because i'd been hoping to get through to her via my GF's cell, which would have been much faster, but that just doesn't seem to a reliable means of communication these past couple days. So i'm sending it in the mail tomorrow and seeing how that goes.

How can two people be in a relationship when they haven't even met each other? That is what always occurs to me when I read of this stuff. Nevertheless, I'm sorry to hear about your online friend's dilemma, Seanmw. Good luck and all that.

*shrug* long-distance worked for my dad and his GF; she used to live in Alaska. Now they live together.
It's not any less real a relationship, simply a different approach .

& thanks

Haven't you managed to get your gf on the phone at all since Friday?

Are you writing to her mom to ask if you can stay with them if you visit, or just to ask if it would be ok for you to see A while staying somewhere else in town?

*I* would probably not be terribly keen on someone that I'd never met coming and staying at my house, ie. would probably prefer they stay in a hotel and just come over for parts of each day, the odd meal etc. ( but I also can imagine deciding that the person was actually totally ok, *once* I'd met them, and saying they could stay after all :lol ), so it's not a bad excuse/explanation for her mom's reluctance and dithering about you staying there ... but it doesn't work, IMO, as a reason for her and/or Adrienne not wanting you to go and stay somewhere else in their town, ( eg. at Ferdinand's, or whatever ), unless A hasn't been telling the truth.

Why do you need her mom's permission to stay in their town and see Adrienne, ( aged 20, who's lived away from home at college, etc )?

I also find it hard to believe that with portable/mobile phones/cells, text, etc, you can't organise this with A and/or her mom by phone. It's just barely possible that A is so desperately ill that her mother simply has no time or attention to spare for some guy she has never met, ... but why would she have any more for reading and replying to a letter from you if so? ... ... ... That you should be reduced to *writing* to her mom to organise a visit just reeks. As Stellar said, Adrienne wouldn't/shouldn't be sleeping all day. She could call you, ( text if necessary ), at least once a day, to let you know how she is, etc.

Do you still believe that A has cancer and is in hospital, etc? Why do *you* think that she has almost completely stopped contacting you?

PS. All said out of deep concern about what sounds like such lies, and your belief/faith in them.
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i don't find it all too surprising, just kinda frustrating.
Adrinne's never really been one to initiate conversations for the most part.
As for her mom, besides the time zone difference which makes things difficult, she also works til pretty late most days; usually from a little after noon until 11PM. Not very convenient hours ://.

And i don't really expect her mom to reply to the letter by mail. I'm just sending it as a reliable way to get my number to her and tell her to call me so i don't have to keep calling Adrienne's phone because i don't want to keep waking her up if she's resting. & just for reasons of having a stronger line of contact and being able to more easily figure out what's going on over there and keeping updated, etc.

This, plus 20-30 phone calls a day and your website homage to a person you have never met look distinctly alarming. Her mother has your telephone number (she texted you), her friends have your phone number, this thread and your website give means of contacting you. Take care that you do not step over the line into unwanted intrusion.

With best wishes for your wellbeing.

But she could at least still phone you to let you know when she is awake so that you could call her back. Just "buzz" you, without saying anything, so that you would know that you could call without disturbing her, or she could text you.

No, but she could still text you to let you know what's going on, to answer your questions, etc.

This is actually a completely weird experience.

I'm realising, for instance, that by donating $25, ( nothing like the larger sums some people have supposedly been sending you; someone's $72, and b9's $100 for example, with another $150 promised ), I have become involved in a way, and to a degree, which I didn't anticipate, ( but money does that, it concentrates/focusses the mind, one's attention follows it, what is the money doing, where is it going, etc? ), so that it has begun to matter to me what happens to *you* in this situation, because you are the person that I have sent money to.

The father of my son thinks that you are lying, he thinks that you are a fake ... and I discovered that in arguing your innocence in this I was doing the same thing as you keep doing about Adrienne, finding and presenting the bits of information/data which support my belief, and if not exactly ignoring the rest, repeating that "I believe", as if that was enough. I might be going to receive the very same lesson that I have been, and am still, afraid that you will be, very soon, receiving of discovering that have been taken in by someone's lies.

Do you really think that Adrienne has been asleep since Friday, or otherwise unable to text/buzz you, her boyfriend, for the last 3-4 days, however ill she is feeling? ... I ask this, and at the same time my son's father is saying to me, do you really think that this guy hasn't worked out that incoherence, huge gaping "plot-holes", constant muddles, chronic communication problems, and such like aren't exactly the sort of thing which would sound most convincing/genuine on a forum for people on the autism spectrum? ... ... ...

I actually find myself in exactly the same situation as I am believe you to be in with Adrienne, of believing someone based on the slimmest of evidence, on words spoken/written and nothing else, ( ... except that unless you sink into the deepest of depressions if/when you discover the con, there is no risk of your dying ). And I think that I have been reacting to/connecting with this whole issue/story so much because I have become increasingly aware in the last few months/year or so, how frequently, even constantly, I perceive/pay attention to/notice only that data/information which supports my beliefs/models of reality, and have trouble seeing the rest. ( "Memento" and "The Prestige" again :lol ).

I hope that you are not lying, ( it would be a painful lesson/a jolt, though this thread/discussion is already making me look at/notice how I see in patterns, how things which don't fit the pattern fade into the background, etc ), and, assuming that, I also hope A is not lying, and that you come out of this ok. With continuing best wishes ouinon x
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Last edited by ouinon on 03 Aug 2010, 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

That's a good point ... if it wasn't for the whole cancer story and the 6-7 months of supposed girlfriend-boyfriend communication, including discussion of marriage, it would seem that she quite simply no longer wants to talk to you, but has just not managed to say this to you, and so is not answering your calls nor phoning you anymore. If it wasn't for the cancer story it would just look like she was no longer interested, ( and your phone calls could look like harassment ) . The cancer story confuses the issue, because it sounds like a possible explanation for her being out of touch for a while, ( after months of daily calls ) ... but it's 4 days now.
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i'm not lying. & i'm not too naive either.
Although i may possibly have an uncommon sense of loyalty.
if conclusive evidence of lying comes to light, i can accept it.
but i'm not much of one to balk at flimsy speculation.
in any case, i intend to see her and finally settle this matter.

and actually, most things that didn't fit the pattern were explained at some point i believe. Unless i've missed something... 30 pages is alotttt

Well, actually just the phone lately.
& i've never done all three on one day.
Even the times i called that many times, i've only done for a day or so.
I've that stopped that method recently out of guilt after getting that text from her mother telling me off 'cause Adrienne was sleeping and it might've woken her.
& have just tried rather a few calls at different times and not nearly so many instead, but with less success.

Actually, her mother doesn't necessarily have my number. She used her daughters cell to text me, not her own, and there fore didn't need to know my actual number to text me, but just needed to scroll through the cell's phonebook and find my name and click on it.

her "friend," Megan (Non-plural. She really only has one good one) doesn't have my number either. When i was able to cal Megan earlier, it was because Adrienne had passed off her phone to Megan before she went in for surgery.

G'night WP. Is 4:00AM here and i'm sleepyyy
Will talk to you all again & reply to any more posts sometime tomorrow probably

I still don't understand a mother taking a young girls phone and fiddling with it. Most mothers aren't stupid enough to touch such a personal object(And lets face it, with the secrecy and obsession teenagers have, especially with their cellphones/internet chats) simply to say "she's asleep".

Also I think its great Sean is raising the funds to see her if this is legit, which I hope it is, I have not donated yet because some of the recent behaviour seems fishy, but maybe aspies are more prone to not trusting people??

Regardless if Sean has other stuff to do in Indiana if there is something fishy, that isn't the point - You aren't paying for Sean to go on a holiday and have a good time (in that case you can pay for me to visit my friends in the UK) the Donations are for him to console a sick girl who he cares very much about.

You know it is not my place to say anything or do anything. I do not know you and I have never talked to you. I haven’t even been involved in this thread; I would only just read it. But this is a public forum, and I have to say that I find it extremely disturbing that you have been accepting large sums of money from people online, when you do not even have proof yourself that your online girlfriend’s situation is actually legitimate. She has emotionally scammed you, and by continuing to accept money from people, you are actively participating in a more harmful scam.

Of course people are going to want to give you the benefit of the doubt. They are going to want to send money for what seems to be a good cause. Obviously, it’s their money, and they can do what they want with it, but I think you owe it to them to send their money back. It is NOT fair to the people with good hearts who were able to donate. Even though you didn’t ask for the money, you’re taking advantage of them because you yourself do not even know the entire story. Many people here are too trusting for their own good, and this seem[ed] to be a community where people kind of looked out for each other.

It would probably also be for the greater good of this website. It would show potential scammers that people here will not be suckered into something like this again. And besides, these board members probably sent the money while thinking that you were going to have all of your facts straight; that you were actually involved in your girlfriend’s life, and that she actually wanted you to be there by her side. It’s painfully obvious that she doesn’t want you to visit her, as harsh as that sounds, and who knows, maybe she will eventually get fed up with the calls and block your number. Maybe if you do visit her she will slap you with some stalking charges.

You seem to continuously make excuses as to why your girlfriend does the things she has been doing in this situation. Just try to open your eyes a little more, and stop being blinded by love. No one here wants you to be harmed in any way, so be extremely careful with whatever way you decide to do things, as others have told you. If you are not able to get anymore factual information from your girlfriend, please consider doing what paragraph #2 suggests. Take care.

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And P.S. I will probably get fried for this posting, but hopefully it has some value to it for some of the people who do read it.

@ Hale Bopp: I donated money for various reasons, but one of them was actually simply to help him get there to *find out* what the truth is!

I probably wouldn't send money to someone I didn't know to help them visit a sick relative, partner, whatever, unless there was something about the situation, or "story", which interested/intrigued me.

In that sense I do want him to do whatever it takes to find out, but I won't be pissed off if it turns out that it was a scam of some kind on her part, that she was never ill, etc.
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You don't have to pay $500 for the truth. At all. Not about something like this. It's a lot of money. Some of you might think its an interesting story to follow as in "what will happen next" but I have known of lots of fakers and it doesn't phase me what the truth is if its going to cost $500 of hard earned money.

I don't want the money of the people who donated to go to waste, or mine if I decide to donate which hopefully I will, but best kep realistic about it. I wouldn't have made this thread if I thought Sean was completely lying. As things went on it I got suspicious, maybe for valid reasons, maybe not. But I don't think enough is being done about trying to find out about this before blowing money.