NT needs advice about Aspie shutdown - please help me

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Do you know if he has depression? I also take months off of talking to people, especially online. However, if I'm really depressed, I usually need someone to come be with me. It's much easier to get out of the hole if someone gives me a hand up. But it also might be that your friend is just overwhelmed with keeping so many contacts. If I have too many obligations online and it starts to get to me, I tend to shut all of them down and just retreat for about 6 months at a time. I'm not sure if I can help you. If your friend has depression, intervening would be a more helpful option.

He doesn't normally have depression though I think he has felt depressed at times but was unable to identify it. He lives with his sister and her boyfriend so he's not alone. He has stopped doing most of the online things that we normally do together. This means chat, email, forums and gaming. He has been to youtube as I've seen he was signed in two days ago so he's not totally off the computer. I believe that he is checking his email. I'm not the only one he isn't responding to, I know two other people who have written him and got no response.

My intuition says that he doesn't feel like talking and since it's been so long, he's finding it hard to come back. Does this sound reasonable?

It's been a month since I started this thread. He still hasn't come back or contacted me. It's been over 7 weeks now. With this heading into the 2 month mark, I'm really getting discouraged. I've been sending less email, the last one was 4 days ago.

Is two months still reasonable for a shut down? Is it possible he just walked away and doesn't intend to come back? I know he's been on the computer, he's been to his facebook page, he doesn't post but it shows that he's done some activities plus he's been on his youtube page this morning.

He has not been to our usual forum and I know of two other people who emailed him and he has not responded to them either. Does this mean he's just not in a social mood?

What's the best thing for me to do now? Should I stop emailing and give him more space? Should I keep sending a weekly email? I need some encouragement here, I'm losing hope.

hon, your friend is well aware you want contact with him. for now, just take care of you the best you can and try and back-burner this issue... email me.

Update: After sending a long email last night I was going to stop contact for a month. I got a response! In the email I didn't talk about my feelings as much as tried to focus on what happened and how it might have happened and effected him. I am relieved to hear from him but I'm not sure anything will feel the same. I don't know how long it will take to get back to chat. He wasn't able to say what happened but he did tell me about what he's been doing and sent me some things he made.

Thank you to everyone who offered help. It's been a long journey but I think I'm finally headed in the right direction.

hope your "right direction" includes a bit of detachment....we're in the same boat, dear...

I just had a major shutdown that lasted at least 4 months maybe more, so... it happens.

Mine was the result of a bad choice of pain killers after a very painful operation, which resulted in developing a dependency. When the pain was over, the doctors took away the pain killers and quite unexpectedly I developed some very strong withdraw symptoms. [Is there any research into AS/autism and (painkiller) medication?]

Add too much (social) stress (pressure to get better quickly).

Add to this money running out (I had expected the operation/recovery to take no more then 3 months.... in reality it took close to 15 months. It's very hard to solve money problems when your mind isn't really working.

This shutdown is the direct cause that I'm now suspecting that I have AS and am seeking a dx.

'm glad there was resolution butterfliar it was quite sad for you in my opinion to read your messages you sounded totally cut up by it and I am glad things are starting to roll again maybe just be subtle you know an eventually build up to say playing a game of online chess it sounds sick and possably sociopath but if you want to rekindle you're friendship you got to do the family guy james woods trail of candy technique and start off with short conversations and then he'll most likely realise how much he missed you my aspergic friend is the sam but since I am reclusive it doe not bother me but sometimes kinda pi**es me off just simply cus he is incredibly selfish and needs to grow up a bit but he realises when we talk again what he has missed

god after that I feel like a hoe or possably psychotic friend luring succubus

Thank you Stevee, I appreciate your kind words and advice. Don't feel bad about it, your not a hoe. It was a rough time for me and it will be a different relationship now I think.

I've now received 4 emails from him since Friday morning which is good. Last time (the first shut down) his email was spaced with days between. We seem to be having a conversation through email. I'm trying to be patient and subtle and replying when he responds, no emotion just talk. I've mentioned that I'd like to see him back in chat and he has ignored that so far but I'm hoping he's just slowly getting back. He has shared some projects that he did while he was gone like making crossword puzzles. He asked if I had done them and I said I was working on them. He shared links to other things he was doing so I could see and comment so it does seem that he wants my opinion and maybe he'll realize that he missed me and want more conversation. That's what I'm hoping for. I'm not going to push for anything.

I have detached some during the wait and I have a better idea of what he needs and maybe I can adjust so we can both be happy.

Probably, if a woman doesn't know much about Asperger's and the shut downs they can have, it could kill a relationship. When someone won't talk to respond to you, it's frustrating and makes for very intense emotions. Your girlfriend probably took it personally that you treated her badly and didn't think of her or consider her feelings. She probably felt abandoned and alone and angry. Sorry you lost her.

If possible, maybe you could let future girlfriends know if you tend to have shutdowns so they know what to expect and won't worry.

lacking in self-esteem, sometimes it just mean the world to us to know that someone cares. telling him so without sending wrong signals is generally a plus. send in the cavalry. maybe casually suggest you two do something together semi-socially. not necessarily anything big, maybe grab some lunch, see a movie, something fun or intellectual, or generally interesting that will remind him there's a world out there. when i'm shut down i usually don't know how to un-shutdown and if it starts getting to me, going out and doing something generally helps with the feelings of reclusiveness and detachment.

Unfortunately our relationship is only online so my only way of contact was email. If we had real contact I probably would have done the lunch and movie thing. Since this shut down thing has only happened twice in the last four years and both within the last year, it might be fairly new to him and maybe he doesn't know how to come out of it. He lives with his sister so I'm sure she makes sure he gets out of the house. I still come out feeling like it's directed at me and something I did wrong. He said he was too tired to explain what happened so I doubt I'll ever know.

hey, my buddy told me he's mostly apathetic about everyone and everything...
maybe your friend is also?