"Why don't you just decide to be happy" they say

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Someone ( IDK who) said happiness is not a destination but a mode of transportation. This is true but does not preclude natural reactions to horrible life situations. It's more of a day to day nothings wrong but nothings right situation.

also- I don't think you can decide to be happy anymore than you can decide to have 6 pack abs. You can, however choose to do sit ups. It takes effort to change how you look at things.

I don't really understand how one can just choose to be happy... and I can't quite follow how that is logical.

I've never found logic to help me much when it comes to emotions, because I do not view my emotions as logical at all... they just kind of happen.

So say I do choose to be happy... I wake up in the morning and think "I'm going to be happy today"... but I still feel lousy, or things keep happening that elicit a negative response in my feelings. Feelings are instinctual and natural, not logical-they just happen, and sometimes need to be analyzed to make sure that they are even appropriate. No matter what I try, it will not overcome other things going on around me, and it won't really change the feeling I get when things come up. It will only create confusion and frustration when I try to figure out how to take everything negative that comes along and turn it into a positive....

But even if I do that, chances are by the end of the night I will need to vent somehow... so it didn't actually change my view of anything at all, because it was still there no matter what. Even if I can laugh about things, if I feel the need to talk about it, then likely it is still bothering me somewhere along the line.

I still got immediate negative feelings tied to negative situations, positive feelings tied to positive situation regardless. I also was stuck analyzing those negative (because they are instinctual and not something I can control-even if I can't name what the emotion was, I can surely tell whether it is negative or positive, or just something I need to think about to figure out which it was) ones and wasting a lot of effort in trying to look at those things with a positive perspective.

It makes everyone respond a bit differently to me, which could possibly change the day when dealing with certain people, but it cannot change everything about the day. But if it is only effecting things like that, then it really isn't effecting whether or not I am happy, it merely changes how the day goes, and if things happen that are bothering me, then I'm still having a troubling day even though I appear to be happy.

Polymathpoolplayer wrote:

Ever seen "Life is Beautiful"? Even in the harshest conditions known to man there is still always the fundamental choice that can be made deep down inside to perceive your conditions as acceptable, while perhaps not great or perfect, you can still choose to have that happiness and hope inside of you. Example: People in Auschwitz were still somewhat given food to eat- 1 reason to be happy. Some people don't get any food like in Africa. Reason 2 to be happy - They get to spend time with people of their own race. (Okay this one isn't all that happy I guess). Reason 3 to be happy - Perhaps it is a sunny day, and no matter what the Nazis do, they can't change that. Reason 4 to be happy - They have lived a long time, perhaps a much better life than most, and they are proud of what they have done, even if it was soon to end, they would have done it no other way. Reason 5 to be happy - The Jewish faith means even if they die, they will live on, and knowing death is near perhaps piques their curiosity as to what will happen next.
Those people whose spring has been sprung are kind of like those people in this thread who can't see reasons to be happy, they can only think to be sad. But really, they barely even know why they are sad. Look - You are alive, it's your one and only chance to live, smile! You perceive the world in a unique way that only you can. Another reason to smile! You can change your perception of yourself and the world as you want! Once you realize this (unconsciously and subconsciously) you can endure anything in whatever manner you wish.
In the concentration camps there will still people who still chose to give away their food to others, and live happily and kindly as they normally did, for no one could take that away from them.

I believe that much of what you're referring to in your post is called Stockholm Syndrome, and isn't the same as being happy. It's a psychological tool used to get through a horrible situation. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome

Chawieman, you can suggest that everyone think this way because it seems so natural to you. That doesn't mean it's natural (or even possible) for them.

It's sort of like me trying to describe how I approach playing the fiddle. If I describe it as, "Well, you learn the basics, and the rest just happens..." that's not realistic. Not everyone learns that way.

you didn't choose to be "happy". you chose to change your mental approach to what you felt were obstacles to happiness.

no one just stops obsessing. you have to retrain your mind to take another route when it starts to go into obsessive mode, and it's easier for some people than others. for some people it's extremely difficult. if you changed your thought routine from obsessing over a problem to focusing on the positive things in your life, then you have essentially retrained yourself to pray or chant when you don't like where your mind is going. you've substituted a behavior that you consider acceptable for one that you realized was causing you trouble. again, that's not simply making a choice to be happy.

I've found that trying to distract myself from a problem doesn't help me solve it, which is why I quit praying and chanting and making lists of things that were good in my life. that stuff just discouraged me more.

My mother tells me this a lot of times, too. "Why don't you just get more cheerful?" etc. It is pretty stupid indeed.

And, as my wife could tell you, while it's going on, you always seem to forget about the times when you weren't depressed. It seems like that's just the way it is. (I managed to find ways to think myself out of that pit, but it wasn't easy, by any means.)

As the old saying has it, when you're up to your armpits in alligators, it can be very hard to remember that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.

I deal with the situational problems by analyzing them as problems to be overcome, telling myself that problems must have solutions. (Sometimes the solution involves resources unavailable to me, of course...) That way, I can limit the actual periods of depression to those dark wee hours of the morning, when you just can't sleep, and any sufficiently-distracting activity would wake other people, so all you can do is turn the thoughts over in your head...

You nailed it. That is what I was trying to say but I couldn't quite describe it.

I probably shouldn't use the word 'logic' since it caused confusion. What I meant was, understand your emotions. Analyze why did they arise, understand that they are natural response to certain events, understand that being emotional is not wrong or a personality flaw. Accept them instead of suppress them. That way negative emotions go away much faster.

It did not work for me at first as well. It takes practice. A LOT of practice.

emotions are something that just happen in my POV.

I've found the only real way to change my mood is to find something that can externally force it. I have to force myself to "do" things. Introspection doesn't really work for depression as I often don't have the energy to entertain happy thoughts in a vacuum.

Rumination on negative thoughts can cause depression but there are types as well. Sometimes I feel a world-weariness and emptiness that's impossible pin down. If I can't even find the reason why I feel depressed it seems kind of hopeless trying to think my way out of it. Performing some kind of mental or physical task is really the only way to get my mood switch to flip. Philosophizing doesn't do jack for me.

TheMisfit[b] wrote:

I should clarify. While all of that is true, I was not able to do that when I was depressed. Anti-depressants felt wonderful in comparison at first because I had been in such a black pit for so long, but generally they just keep my mood even. It was only then when I was able to look at things differently. It does take effort, but in fairness there are some who are too deep in their depression to be able to try. I had people telling me to just decide to be happy all my life and nothing changed, so I understand people's frustration with the idea. It's like you need to get up to a level playing field first.

I agree. That's why I said this in my first post in this thread:

TheMisfit wrote:

[/quote] Aimless wrote:
I should clarify. While all of that is true, I was not able to do that when I was depressed. Anti-depressants felt wonderful in comparison at first because I had been in such a black pit for so long, but generally they just keep my mood even. It was only then when I was able to look at things differently. It does take effort, but in fairness there are some who are too deep in their depression to be able to try. I had people telling me to just decide to be happy all my life and nothing changed, so I understand people's frustration with the idea. It's like you need to get up to a level playing field first.


I agree. That's why I said this in my first post in this thread:

TheMisfit wrote:
*I believe depression is a different story. So this applies better to the non clinical depressive cases.
[quote]

Well, maybe a number of people who take issue with the idea are actually clinically depressed.

That is true. My posts are aimed for people who do not have depression, and happen to be focusing on the negative sides. I'm sure not all people who take issue with this idea are depressive. I for one did not have depression, and I thought the idea was stupid too.

The idea is generally a good one, just that it doesn't apply to depressed people. The real problem is people's ignorance in clinical depression.