How do NTs feel empathy/sympathy?

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could you give an example of the AS sort of generalization problem?

I've heard this commented on in these forums before. Its like AS tunes into some undefined energy from certain people. Interesting. The kids in the crator were talking about seeing the future in dreams a little while back, and my son has had that sense, as well. There is so much that we don't know about how the brain works, its really interesting. The AS brain seems to be full of highly charged strengths and clear deficits, so what you tap into, you ARE likely to tap into in an extraordinary and gifted way. Why wouldn't that apply to emotions, seeing into the future, and the like? I don't know that it does, but there is reason to think it would be possible.

hmmmmm ....

I'm blanking out right now (I am at work and supposed to be thinking tax law, after all, lol) but I know this happens often with my son at least so I should be able to come up with some examples later. I'll get back to you on that.

thank you.

thank you.

Maybe faking empathy doesn't happen often because it's difficult to pretend to understand what someone is going through when you don’t understand. Faking sympathy OTOH seems like a socially acceptable thing that is quite common and not easy to detect. I mean nurses and doctors who routinely deal with dying or seriously ill patients have to fake sympathy to some degree. If they really cared deeply about each and every one of their patients they'd be too exhausted to perform their job.


It's not hard for me because it's dishonest. It's hard because acting out feelings drains all my energy in a way that doesn't seem to happen for NT's. It’s laborious. As a child I can remember it was almost painful to pretend to like a gift that I didn't really like.

My ability to empathize was learned over many years, and didn't fully develop until well into my adult years, and not until after I had to deal with some serious losses. I think that really made it click for me, was suffering my own losses, and learning how to process my own emotions, that ultimately make it relatively easy to feel others' losses. So perhaps age, experience, and the school of hard knocks have a lot to do with the ablity to empathize.

Also, I think its ok to act like you care about others' feelings on the outside when you may not care on the inside. This comes under the category of a "white lie" which is defined as a a minor, polite, or harmless lie, the key word in this case being "polite." Sometimes being polite takes a great effort.

Man, these examples are hard to remember! I know there have been social ones, but what springs to mind is the area of rules. If I said to my son, "you can't do that!" when he was writing in pencil on a particular piece of furniture, he had no idea it meant he couldn't use a marker on that piece of furniture, or the pencil on the walls, etc. Each specific situation had to be taught to him. He honestly saw each situation as different and unique. While my NT daughter might have played on our words, as smart kids will, once the generalization of the rule was pointed out, she always admitted the similarity. My son, however, always fought it, he couldn't wrap around the logic because they weren't exactly the same situation. While I can't remember specific situations where this happened socially, I know we had the same thing. He STILL fights it, even though he has learned to stretch his learning through logic.

oh ok, that's a good example.
that's interesting. if you think fo a social example, let me know.

I have a strong tendency to over-project. When someone gets hurt, I imagine the same thing happening to me very vividly and I wince.

I'm very capable of sympathy and empathy, in some cases even more intensely than an NT. It's just that I have to understand what it is a person is going through in order for me to relate to them. If someone tells me their relationship problems, I'll just go "oh, that's bad," but really I have no idea how to relate to that.

Aspie here.
Well how I feel depend a lot about the situation. I don't feel differently from friends/family and other people, it's against my principles. sometimes other people seems to think that I do that but, really, feeling is time consuming and energy consuming, I can't do that for anyone. I feel very strong emotions. But it takes time feeling others and a lot of energy. Actually I care a lot. Sometime I have vent with friends or with my family and wife because they think is "faking". "How can you care for us, without feeling?". I never understood what's the problem. I care a lot about people, animals and the like. I'm the kind of guy that jumped into the sea to catch out people, or spent a day to help the young neighbour to do homework, I've 3 dogs found into the street and I can long about it. But I don't "feel" (at least not usually). People say that I'm cold. Actually I act "better" than most people. When someone is in danger I'm usually the only one who don't panic and find a solution. If I have feeling about that it will disrupt my logical thinking.
The big problem with empathy is when people "feel bad". My first answer is usually "what can I do for you". But usually they don't want something they simply expect some kind of "consolation", I'm not good at it, expecially because I'm not able to empathize also if I try, if I can't understand why someone feel in a way.

Thanks!! This put me in a real good mood for my birthday (today!).
Cheers everybody!

The fact that people typically feel terrible while looking at someone in a really sad plight can be explained very easily: emotions experienced by them then in fact can’t be classified as actual feeling for that person facing those difficulties but are caused by their being afraid that the same situation may happen to them – they subconsciously put themselves in that person’s shoes, imagining it’s they who are suffering not that person.

Best wishes (a bit late but still), Stinkypuppy, anyway.

I am struggling with my newly discovered AS.

Somethings I doubt that I have it. I have friends. I have a sense of humor. I love and believe I feel empathy.

Then something happens to bring me back:

My fiancee was recently diagnosed with Diverticulitis. On Saturday, she was bleeding and had to go back to the hospital.

I hate to admit this, but I felt nothing. Nothing.

Isn't that I don't care. It's that she was going to the hospital and was going to be taken care of. I was concerned, but I felt no urge to worry. It was being handled.

Well no. This is not a problem of generalization, it's a problem of comunication. Problem of generalization is if you see 2 different dogs and don't know if they behave to the same race or if you learn a computer interface and strugle to learn a different one.

The example you did is logically wrong. (It's not a recrimination). You said to him to don't do something without a reason so he simply don't do that. Let's say something like: "You shouldn't try to colour, write or scrach furniture or walls because we like them the way they are so you are hurting us if you try to change them without asking to us". If he still doesn't understand than is a problem of generalization.

I make an example for myself. I had the "generalization" problem as your child but for istance I'm one of the few physician that I know who can find out and apply physical law and mathematical models to everything (also network relation in office). Isn't it generalization?

I made the point because also on Aspie quiz there are 2 question I can't stand how they are basically the same but are one for Aspie and one for NTs.

"Do you find pattern everywhere?" (Aspie)
"Do you have problem seeing the things as a whole?" (Aspie problem).

How can you have both?

i havent looked up what empathy is but i know i dont first think of laughing if someone falls, unless its someone my age or a stupid kid

i think i feel for other more than they do at times, that asperger trasit of not caring isnt in me, but then again it depends on the situation, if im mad at someone my first thought/instinct is to not care for them, but being in the cheery mood i am in nowadays instead of not caring for a person in an arguement with me, i try to clean the slate with a joke and repair the bad negative vibes

but yeah i dont know what empathy is in NT's, really thinking about it i think NT's only secretly feel empathy for people, not show it the cowards