Which one is the Aspie in this video?

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its the man, there is a whole series of these videos about the man having autism

Social intuition is not the same thing as manners. Social intuition means being well aware what your voice and body language are broadcasting to others. It does not mean behaving and dressing in ways that would please customers and bosses alike. That happens when the NT person wants it to happen. But this very NT receptionist clearly doesn't. The way she is dressed does not show that she is unaware of how her clothes appear to others. On the contrary. She is very aware. Like many women who dress intentionally provocatively to attract men they want, she behaves just like somebody who accepts with great annoyance that her sexual clothes are bound to also attract the men she doesn't want. She tolerates that (barely) because it's a small price to pay to attract the men she does. That this probably violates the company dress code and that it means she is gruff to the man does not detract from her social intuition and NT-ness. On the contrary- it illustrates it.

The part I don't get though, assuming this was a real situation, is this: If she has such great intuition why does she take so much offense at him for inappropriately leaning in to read her name tag? Can't she intuitively gather that he doesn't know any better and give him some slack?

I had seen this video before and I have always considered it to be quite clear that it is the man who is AS.

Reading some of the comments here about the receptionist, particularly her attitude and style of dress, I can't help wondering if there are some cultural misunderstandings at play here. This video was made by a UK charity, in the UK and primarily for a UK audience. I live in the UK myself, and although the receptionist isn't the most polite I have encountered, she is by no means unusual in her attitude and in her dress.

The US is known for a certain style of customer service - all smiles and "have a nice day!", which isn't the norm in the UK. What she is wearing wouldn't be out of place in the UK, although some workplaces may require staff to wear a uniform or clothes which are not as low cut. Still, her top isn't all that revealing, and I have seen young women at work wearing more more revealing clothes.

She has great social intuition about other NTs, who are the majority so that works out most of the time. The catch is, people with Aspergers Syndrome do not come across as people with Aspergers Syndrome to the General Public. They/you come across as NTs who simply refuse to get with the program and play by the rules. It's seen as "won't" rather than "can't". That may change if there becomes broader knowledge about what exactly Aspergers Syndrome entails. When the general public develops A-dar (as somebody once put it), people like her certainly would cut him slack. The whole point of this video and the others in the series is an attempt to promote A-dar in the NT population. But until that suceeds, Aspies come across as weird NTs. And weird NT men do lean in to get a closer look at breasts.

In the beginning she is filing her nails and looking through a magazine... considering she is dressed the way she is, I doubt this is a special interest, but moreso just something she is doing to pass the time. She does look annoyed by his question, she shakes her head even when he asks it the second time.

The thing is, he is repeating things the EXACT same way he said them the first time. No change in tone of voice, no change in the wording or anything. My boyfriend pointed out that an NT would likely say something like, "Look, I can see that you are busy and don't want to be bothered, so can you just point me in the direction where I need to go?" or "Excuse me," to make sure they had her attention before asking it again. Then, if she acted as she does in the video-clearly annoyed... looking away, shaking her head when he asks again, trying to ignore him (going back to reading AFTER looking at him and acknowledging him), looking around for someone else to help him, etc., they might would even say something more direct like "can you send me to someone who would actually be willing to help me?"

The fact that he even asks for her name is also awkward, boyfriend says. He said that the guy is being very polite and all, but what we don't see is what NTs would see from that. Politeness is wonderful and all, but when she is walking away, talking to him while walking off and all, shaking her head at him from the start... he said most NTs likely wouldn't even bother for the name unless they were going to say something to the manager about her... and likely they would not be very polite about it. At that point, he says, they would just be thinking "Okay, as soon as I get to where I need to be going, I don't have to deal with her anymore...." and would just stay quiet, smile and nod, and follow her. After the rudeness, she is no longer target of a friendly chit chat, but shifts into "I need her in order to get from point A to point B" and that is it.

He said the man's behavior seems too... rehearsed, scripted. When he repeats things, there is no change in wording, tone of voice, even the pauses are the same. Boyfriend says, it's like the guy just knows to ask these specific things, and is attempting to be very polite, but doesn't know what else to do or say when the question goes ignored, so he is determined to get the answer before moving onto the next question/subject/part of the interaction, which leads to the looking at the name tag.

Anxiety25, your boyfriend's comments seem right on to me (except maybe that I am not sure she was intentionally ignoring him at the beginning - I agree with RainSong that she seemed to be looking something up, maybe a map to show him?)

But an NT would pick up on how he acts. He talks awkwardly as if he has had to rehearse everything in his head. He also looks down and blinks when he speaks. Even if he were NT his behavior and body language gives the sign that he is very nervous and overwhelmed by the new situation he's in. It's obvious that something's not quite right with him, that he is overly anxious. Also anxious people often stare by accident if their mind is strongly preoccupied. If she was smart the receptionist could have surmised that he was anxious and preoccupied with getting her name, that he wasn't even aware that he was inappropriately leaning in and staring. Deliberately ogling at her breasts is something a more confident man would do. Someone with a lot of balls. The man in the video doesn't fit that profile.

What she is wearing is not appropriate office attire. Her breasts are practically falling out of her blouse. It's not professional to dress that way in most office settings. How can anyone type "you're kidding, right?" when there's a clip from the video underneath with her breasts falling out of her blouse. Who would defend this and say it's normal business attire? Maybe in a Vegas Strip club, but most places will not tolerate their office workers dressing like that. They have a dress code.

I still stand by what I say. I have seen lots of guys act like that guy, it's not unusual. Her demeanor wasn't exactly normal considering it's her job to help people. She didn't have to lead the way. She could have explained where it was he needed to go. Usually what they do is ask the name of where you need to go and then they tell you how to get there, unless they happen to be going there at that exact moment, then they bring you along to make things a bit easier. I haven't noticed one go out of their way just to take someone somewhere.
Even if he did sway a little, I didn't notice, because I was too distracted by the way she was dressed and her attitude, like she was busy and didn't want to be bothered.

It's not a matter of having bad manners. It might be when talking about an NT. What appears to be bad manners in the Aspie is often the way we are. We aren't programmed to be as attentive and we wear ourselves on our sleeves more, it's harder for us to fake our personas so we appear helpful, comfortable and happy at will.

When I watched that video, I did think she was the Aspie, and it was a demonstration of a woman with a receptionist's job who happens to have AS and couldn't perform the job as well as NTs might because of the traits that makes us Aspies.
The guy I thought was normal and just happened to be in the line of fire. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary, there.

Boyfriend is right.


I don't recognize the audio and visual distortions myself, and I've seen enough tv and movies to know not to stare at a girls chest like that, even if there was a name tag. If, and that's a big If, I would want to know her name, I'd try to make a joke, "It's kinda hard not to stare... at that name tag right there." Or I'd try to sneak glances at her chest. Cause it's a fine chest, let's be honest.


The boy shown is meant to have Autism. No mention is made where on the spectrum he's situated. Decently high functioning, but with clear audio and visual difficulties compounding his social skills deficiencies. Rehearsed behaviour as well. Typical movement.

The question is not who had the better clothing. He's dressed better than she is, no one's questioning that. But the clothing doesn't make her on the spectrum, and it doesn't make him normal. As Janissy pointed out, it might actually be done on purpose to get better reviews, and as Marcia pointed out, receptionists in the UK (which is where this video is based) are not required to be as smiley.

I've made the picture a little better for you, because it's really not about the clothing. Pretend she's wearing a turtleneck if you want; the black box blocks out the cleveage (which isn't nearly close to falling out, but I suspect there's something in the TOS that forbids me from posting a picture speculating on where the line of public indenency would be). Pay attention to him (red arrows). See how much difference there is between the space between his head and her, and his navel and her (yellow lines)? That's because he's leaning in and down to her chest.

Now see where his line of sight is (different yellow line)?


That's not normal.

If you really, honestly cannot see where his behavior is skewed, I suggest you spend some time in public watching people.

The video would have a better impact if she was dressed like they typical receptionist. With her dressed the way she is, I wonder why that is. It doesn't fit in with the job and made me think she was the Aspie. Aspies might not always choose job appropriate attire for whatever reason. Remember the Aspie child who wanted to wear a coat that looked like a puppy to school everyday and got in trouble for that? I think it was a puppy coat, I can't remember for sure. Her teacher didn't want her to wear it and she was determined to, even if it was against the rules because it had tail, if I remember correctly. That is what I am talking about. Aspies can get attached to certain clothing and want to wear it everyday regardless of what others think of it. I thought maybe she was demonstrating that trait in the video.

As far as who the better dressed one is, that's just a stereotype about Aspies. It's not so much, who is dressed better the one who isn't must be the Aspie. It's more about who is dressed appropriately.
Aspies can actually dress much better than everyone else and be totally out of place because the attire should be casual, or vice versa.
It's about lacking social intuition. It's not so important that one isn't dressed the same as everyone else to the Aspie. It's more important about what one's self wears than what others are wearing.

As for him looking down at the nametag, he wouldn't have had to if she would have given a name in the first place.

Oh, I think you are right about the dressing. I also think it would have been better if she had been a little more friendly, but as people have mentioned, that's not necessarily as normal there as it is here in the US as far as a requirement or anything.

But I also think it points out the inappropriateness of him leaning that far in as well to see the name tag, because her clothing is more revealing. It may not be as big of a deal if she was wearing a turtleneck or something, because she is covered up and not so exposed, but because she IS wearing a low cut dress, it is made more obvious to viewers I think, that that would be a big "no no" to look that closely.

I'm pretty sure that is the point of it at least, because some guys WOULD just stare. Granted he seems awkward and all, so do stalkers at times. Heck, some of them wouldn't even try to get your name but would just stare. So she didn't necessarily take it out of context. We only know and defend him because we know his intentions. She wasn't paying attention to what he said and likely didn't hear him at all, so she just thought he was getting a good look once he got into the elevator with her.

I find TOM rather a funny idea really when seeing things like this... because just as we would have no clue what she was thinking if she was talking to any of us, she obviously wasn't very aware of what he was doing either. There is a blockage on both sides in understanding one another.

It seemed like they were on two different pages.

I think you're getting too focussed on her wardrobe. She looks like a typical low level receptionist to me. Various other people wear casual clothes, so it's not inappropriate.

It depends on where you live. That video was made in the UK, looks like. Maybe the dress code is more relaxed. Where I live in the states, you would never see a young receptionist wearing that kind of clothing while at work. Maybe a bar maid would, or a waitress in certain restaraunts, or female employees at strip clubs, but regular entry level receptionists wouldn't, especially if she was a medical receptionists, which are what I think of when I think of receptionists.
I can't remember one instance of seeing an office worker dressed with a shirt that low cut. That's why I thought it was done on purpose, to draw attention to the fact she wasn't dressed for work.