"Everyone hates me" beliefs

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Wow what thats crazy, encourage kids to bully you? Gosh I feel for you. Was anything done about it in the end, do you mind me asking. You dont have to answer. I know how you feel in ways. Once I tried to go to college and the head of the course said that she thought because i had Aspergers, that it was in my best interest to not do the course, and that it wasnt fair for the other girl students, that someone like me was in the class. In was flower arrangement -_-'''. I dont get some people, and how things are so medieval still.

I don't know how I started thinking that I am disliked by default wherever I go. It surprises and touches me almost to the point of tears when a person is nice to me.

I know that on more than one occasion, I have thought that people hated me when they instead felt fascinated by me. That said, other people have felt something more like hatred. I think that I sometimes failed to see another option besides adoration and hatred, and really I don't think that NTs tend to feel either of those very often. Note that they don't get fascinated by things in the same way that we do, for starters; their minds move more easily from interest to interest.

I do still tell myself that people hate me sometimes, especially when I realize that I've failed to apply social knowledge in the moment. I feel a lot of gratitude for the revival of this thread at this exact moment, actually. I spoke up today when I would have done better to keep quiet, and felt really dumb to have disregarded my inner guidance. Rationally, I know - after reading some of this thread - that no one but me has given my brief speech more than a moments thought.

I have a friend who is definitely an aspie, another one with NVLD, and I'm pretty damn sure I'm an aspie. I've never been diagnosed, but after reading a lot of stuff on here, it just seems to fit perfectly. I might not specifically be an aspie, as in I might not specifically have ASPERGERS, but I'm about 95% certain I'm somewhere on the spectrum.

Anyway, we were having a conversation one night, and we basically came to the conclusion that most people(NTs) don't really think all that often. They don't like to think. It makes their head hurt or something. I don't know the reason. I just know that they don't seem to like to think... ever... about anything. When someone says, "hey man, look at these pictures of my awesome party," the NTs can instantly relate and will give generic responses. "cool party bro!" "dude, we were so wasted that night!" "Damn, I shoulda gone." "You should have come, that party was so sick!" Whatever... When you sit there and say something of intelligence to them, it leaves them scratching their heads. It makes them think, and they don't like that. So they ignore it, or they go to the trouble of calling you a stupid nerd or whatever. This might be entirely wrong, but I'm fairly certain most people really just don't think unless they absolutely have to.

ANYWAY, I often feel like a great majority of people dislike me quite a bit, all the time. I get ignored a lot, people take about 90% of what I say the wrong way all the time and get pissy with me. I attempt to clarify what it is I really meant, and they completely disregard it and just continue to assume that I must've meant whatever they originally assumed I meant, and I'm just a liar, or whatever. Who knows? They just stay pissy at me, and I get accused of flaming people a lot, and just generally being an a**hole. I also tend to be sarcastic quite a bit, but even when I'm not, people assume I am. And the more I try to clarify things, the worse the situation becomes.

I work at McDonald's, and sometimes I'll get asked "do I have a <insert random sandwhich name here> coming?" And I'll say "Yeah, it's on the table," or "No, I'm not on that order yet," or sometimes even "I just sent one of those up there." It doesn't seem to matter which one I say. Sometimes I say it in a tone that makes it obvious I'm frustrated by the fact that they're asking me about it, but it doesn't seem to matter whether I sound frustrated or not. I get told not to be a smartass or not to argue, or whatever. I'm not trying to be adversarial whatsoever. I'm simply answering their question and telling them where it is/why it's not ready yet. That's what they asked for, isn't it? But it doesn't seem to matter. I get misinterpreted ALL THE TIME, and it's so annoying. I have no desire to be "normal," but I wish people would just take what I say at face value and stop reading between the lines or assuming sarcasm when there isn't any. And I'm also sick of people thinking I'm trying to start conflict when I question why they think a certain way or why they do a certain thing. I'm just curious, and I'm trying to better understand where they're coming from, but they take the very act of asking any question as opposition or disagreement. I don't necessarily disagree, I just don't see where they're coming from, and it pisses them off. I really feel sometimes like the only way to stop this is to just not say anything. But of course, if I don't talk at all, that's when everyone starts poking and prodding, asking me what's wrong, or why I'm so quiet. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking... but of course if I want to know something, and THEY don't feel like talking, if I try to get information more than like once, they blow the f**k up at me. Damn hypocrites...

Oh, and another thing I can't stand is when I'm not smiling(because I'm either simply not happy, or my mood is just neutral. I'm not always feeling good or bad. Sometimes I'm just existing), and someone says I look pissed or tells me to smile. My mom used to do that to me all the time and it pissed me off. A smile is a reflex, caused by feelings of joy. If I'm not feeling joy, I'm not going to smile. Is there some kind of unwritten rule that says you're supposed to smile in public at all times, or you're about to go postal or something? WTF?

Yes, unfortunatly she did. I tried to tell my mom but she wouldn't believe me.