feeling attacked when hearing your name

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space_cadett
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24 Oct 2010, 12:16 pm

Wow, yes, this makes me feel really uncomfortable really quickly! Do you think NT's feel at all the same way about it?



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24 Oct 2010, 12:28 pm

I don't like it when someone says or even writes my name (Jane).
It's not that I hate my name or anything, either.



pangolin
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13 Nov 2010, 8:48 pm

i feel exactly the same way about hearing my name! I would also be interested to know if this is an "aspie thing" or if NTs experience it too.



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22 Nov 2010, 8:29 am

Hmmm, from what I've seen, when a NT is trying to making a new (or a very old) pen write properly, the first thing they write is their own name. I have seen that dozens of times with different people.
Don't know about you guys, but my name would be the last thing I would write in such a situation.



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22 Nov 2010, 9:07 am

Severus wrote:
Hmmm, from what I've seen, when a NT is trying to making a new (or a very old) pen write properly, the first thing they write is their own name. I have seen that dozens of times with different people.
Don't know about you guys, but my name would be the last thing I would write in such a situation.

I wouldn't even write words....no telling what I might accidentally give away if I did that :oops: . I just draw a wavy line or a series of straight-ish lines, one below the other, or maybe a spiral. I wouldn't have thought writing words was the quickest way to get the ink flowing.....I think that's more about giving the ball a push in every conceivable direction in the hope that one of those will get it moving.



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22 Nov 2010, 10:08 am

ToughDiamond wrote:
Severus wrote:
Hmmm, from what I've seen, when a NT is trying to making a new (or a very old) pen write properly, the first thing they write is their own name. I have seen that dozens of times with different people.
Don't know about you guys, but my name would be the last thing I would write in such a situation.

I wouldn't even write words....no telling what I might accidentally give away if I did that :oops: . I just draw a wavy line or a series of straight-ish lines, one below the other, or maybe a spiral. I wouldn't have thought writing words was the quickest way to get the ink flowing.....I think that's more about giving the ball a push in every conceivable direction in the hope that one of those will get it moving.

Well, yes, I would do the same, come to think about it. But one could actually think about the best way to get the ink going or one might act intuitively, flicking the pen upwards and downwards, left and right, unitl they get it to work. But most people I know would write their name and this has always baffled me.



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22 Nov 2010, 11:37 am

I feel the same, doubly so when I'm walking down the street and someone calls out my name.



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27 Nov 2010, 1:50 am

Yes absolutely very much. It feels like someone's suddenly and with no warning doused me in cold water. Highly unpleasant and I've never understood why.


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27 Nov 2010, 8:37 pm

whenever i hear my name said i feel the same some one just snuck up behind me and tapped on my shoulder (almost jump but don't), it is quite disconcerting


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Last edited by Titangeek on 28 Nov 2010, 1:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Niamh
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28 Nov 2010, 8:27 am

I find that when someone calls me by my name, I get the same intense feeling as if they've just made direct eye contact with me. I think the two are related for me because I find both overwhelming if they happen too much. I used to not look or answer when called by my name because it felt like it intensified the feeling, just like I'd look away or my eyes would dart around when someone tried to look me in the eye. I got very much the same feeling of fully heightened awareness... or whatever it is!



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28 Nov 2010, 2:46 pm

OddFiction wrote:
I've been told that people are tought to use another's name in order to demonstrate command or control. This is why, when you get phone calls from bill collectors and other companies, they will often use your name as much as possible - they are trained to do it, in order to intimidate and demonstrate power.


interesting.

one thing i can't stand and i will stop going to a store to avoid it, when you are checking out at the grocery store and you have a discount card that you've swiped so your information comes up on the receipt, and the cashier while looking at it says something like "have a nice evening ms. ___" and then they invariably mispronounce your name. i think it's supposed to be informal or make you feel important but it just seems forced and feels violating. name or not, i can't stand it when i can tell someone is speaking from a script they're forced to adhere to. "welcome to ____ . how can i give you excellent customer service today?" look, pal, i'll tell you whether the customer service was excellent, and every second of my time that you waste unnecessarily takes a star off your rating.

when my mother uses my name to get my attention it sets me on edge badly and right away. i've always thought my parents considered me their property in a way, or an extension of them. i still feel this way as an adult, like they should require my permission before getting too personal with me about something.


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28 Nov 2010, 3:01 pm

ediself wrote:
ok, so i know it is a VERY strange question to ask, so i will provide some context. does anyone else feel like a little pang of adrenalin and/or anger when someone pronounces your name randomly while talking to you?
as in: "you know, "X", i think bla bla bla". totally random. leaving you wondering why they did that, if they're talking down to you , or what. i might be the only one but i'm wondering if someone else feels the same way. I've noticed that now, if i'm angry at someone, i will purposedly pronunce their name in the middle of a sentence, just to make them feel uncomfortable, because there's no reason i have to take it and never reciprocate...do NTs do this to make you feel uncomfortable or do they really think it's an ok and totally not patronising way of talking to an adult?

It can be because the person using your name is trying to create familiarity. Maybe, the person is being condescending, depending on how they say your name. Some people like the sound of certain names so they like to say them a lot.



Yanks28th
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28 Nov 2010, 3:14 pm

ediself wrote:
ok, so i know it is a VERY strange question to ask, so i will provide some context. does anyone else feel like a little pang of adrenalin and/or anger when someone pronounces your name randomly while talking to you?
as in: "you know, "X", i think bla bla bla". totally random. leaving you wondering why they did that, if they're talking down to you , or what. i might be the only one but i'm wondering if someone else feels the same way. I've noticed that now, if i'm angry at someone, i will purposedly pronunce their name in the middle of a sentence, just to make them feel uncomfortable, because there's no reason i have to take it and never reciprocate...do NTs do this to make you feel uncomfortable or do they really think it's an ok and totally not patronising way of talking to an adult?

For some reason, most people feel reassured and good when ever they hear there name. It's the same for me, but maybe I'm the Asperger's exception



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28 Nov 2010, 3:21 pm

Yanks28th wrote:
For some reason, most people feel reassured and good when ever they hear there name. It's the same for me, but maybe I'm the Asperger's exception


are you sure, Yanks28th? if i provided an example with your name in it or something, maybe you would feel differently about it....
but maybe you're totally fine with it, yanks28th, and that would indeed make you an exception!
( gosh hahhah that felt weird even when it's just a joke....seriously that doesn't make you uncomfortable? i know it's just a nickname here but the phrasing is the same....it just feels aggressive...)



Yanks28th
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28 Nov 2010, 3:26 pm

ediself wrote:
Yanks28th wrote:
For some reason, most people feel reassured and good when ever they hear there name. It's the same for me, but maybe I'm the Asperger's exception


are you sure, Yanks28th? if i provided an example with your name in it or something, maybe you would feel differently about it....
but maybe you're totally fine with it, yanks28th, and that would indeed make you an exception!
( gosh hahhah that felt weird even when it's just a joke....seriously that doesn't make you uncomfortable? i know it's just a nickname here but the phrasing is the same....it just feels aggressive...)

Haha, I was waiting for the example, it doesn't effect me that way at all. I always make a point of using someones name. I took a Psychology class a few years ago and the teacher said that saying someones name made them feel comfortable. Maybe it's a heightened sensory problem, because I've never had too many sensory problems.



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28 Nov 2010, 3:56 pm

well you're a tough cookie :)
re-reading my example i could find a hint though, it breaks the flow of the sentence, cutting mid argument to include your name, and then resuming.
so.
huh i don't know where i'm going with this.
it breaks the sentence. you're focused on what the person is saying and then they stop and say your name. you then have trouble understanding the end of the sentence. I think it is not only related to the feeling of being patronized , it counts too of course because that adrenalin feeling comes when the name is uttered....but would i get just as angry if someone distracted me mid-listening with something else? something totally random, like " pumpkin"?
you know, pumpkin, i think we should discuss your application in my office."
ok that was a strange example. :lol: but do you guys see what i'm getting at?