I feel different from most WP members

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Hhmm.

Off topic. There really IS a gay love story between the lines. Pederastic to be more precise.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Achilles_and_Patroclus

nice^
Yep. Every new thought ( opinion) is weighted in an emotional context. That emotional side of the value of experience, whether of a good quality or a bad quality experience . We all think emotionaly-even Mr. Spock.

Holy crap my posts always turn out longer than they feel. bolding again.

I don't feel all that pedantic myself, despite writing long posts. (Oh and I am not offended if people can't read them as long as they're not actively offended by my inability to summarize... like if they think I do it on purpose that really bugs me. When possible I bold the most relevant text to make it easier to read though. I'm frequently unable to read them!) I'm really not all that concerned with language the way I imagine pedants to be.

The reason for the meltdowns is just that I'm trying to force my brain to function in a way it's unable to function. To me, writing is a lot like Donna Williams describes it where what comes out just comes out and there is usually little to no conscious awareness of the thought behind it. So to try to lengthen something short or shorten something long is just... like beating your head on a wall, nothing good comes of it and it hurts a lot. If the writing is triggered into existence, it exists. Wanting to change the length is not a good writing trigger and feels like trying to squeeze something huge through a small hole, a sensation that always results in meltdown or shutdown.

Plus the sensation of nothing I'm capable of being good enough for the sort of person who takes it personally* doesn't help. Like when that guy was telling me that everything I said just proved his point that autistic people are essentially unfeeling uncaring monsters. I end up screaming and crying and in massive amounts of overload-pain and unable to do anything else useful. And then usually I don't say so for fear of exposing myself to further crap from the person.

So... mostly it's about things always coming out how they come out and having little power to change it. Add the pressure caused by someone who insists I'm doing it on purpose to hurt them, and that's where the meltdown comes in. For me, the easiest formula for a meltdown is being unable to do something and feeling pressure (from myself or someone else) to do that thing anyway. You add extreme pressure to something that won't budge and things just become explosive (or implosive).

Oh and my remark about IQ was I think directed at CR not pensieve although I could have read the poster's name wrong.

* By someone who takes it personally I do NOT mean someone who just can't read it. I an't read it much of the time so I totally understand. I mean someone who insists I am doing it on purpose to hurt them, or be lazy, or be deliberately incomprehensible, or "talk over" them, or something. (One such person even belittled me for asking if anyone could help me summarize, and told me I could do it myself.) Especially if they refuse to believe my explanations. I cannot communicate in situations where at least one person is not communicating in good faith. And making all that effort to communicate only to be told I'm just not trying or even dishonest, destroys me on some level. There's this poem by Jim Sinclair called "I built a bridge" about building a bridge with only his body and bones for building material because xe has faith that there will be something good on the other side, and then crossing the bridge and finding there is no one there to meet xem on the other side. It's like that.

ETA: CLick this sentence to get Jim's poem.

Edit: Trying the bolding thing

I'm not sure how conscious my writing is. If I consciously set out to write something, it's usually (but not always) much shorter and more difficult to write, whereas if I write about something that has been on my mind, or something triggers memory associations, the information flows. It's like I just sort of absorb information and then something opens up when I want to write about it... sometimes. And I mean it's not just passive absorption. I can spend a summer or longer reading up on and/or discussing a topic and then it's like everything's there for me to use when I need to put it in one place. On the other hand, sometimes I can discuss it in chat or speech with someone and when I go to write it down, it's not really there anymore.

Probably the biggest example for me is, there was a book I wanted to write for years. I never really sat down and consciously researched the subject matter, although I picked up a lot of information about it over seven or eight years total - nothing in an organized fashion - but when I actually got to the point where I could write the book and get paid for it, everything was available in an easily organized fashion - I could easily see where I needed to do purposeful research to shore up the gaps.

But then it varies by context as well - writing a book or part of a book is different from writing a blog post is different from writing a forum post, which is again different from replying to either, and of course immediate replies are quite different from replies after taking time to process what I've read. A short response is usually my immediate response, whereas a longer response is likely something I waited a few hours to a day or more to write.

One thing I have found is that once I have taken information I implicitly have and make it explicit in writing, that it is easier for me to summarize later rather than go through the entire process again. It also makes it much easier for me to access this information verbally later on, which has been a godsend for my SSI application process as well as therapy, as I have mostly been able to recite things I've written on fora and in chat about my mental state and functioning. So, a lot of my posts here are fairly introspective and processy, and much of it is stuff that I was not actually aware of in words prior to typing them out, but that the information has been there all along, and I have been aware of it on some level, enough to realize that something was going on and catch on to it years ago, and a lot of it only started to make sense when I read descriptions of similar (although not often identical) experiences from others.

My need for specifics to build up to my point is that, I think, I need to write it all out to make sense. Sometimes to make sense specifically to myself.

But yeah, I don't expect everyone to read or want to read my posts. I just don't want people to think I'm doing it to show off or be pedantic or whatever.

Wow...

Six pages of replies. I don't have time to read them all, but CR, that alone ought to give you a clue.

First of all, go to ANY forum and the users who will stand out there are the ones that write lengthy posts and engage in in depth conversations. Simply put, they are the most noticeable users because they take up most of the screen space. It has NOTHING to do with them being any more valuable to the community than those that post two or three lines and get to the point.

Let me tell you something. When I first signed up, YOU (along with very few others), were the first user I noticed. YOU welcomed me, and made me feel part of the community from day one. I'm not good at that kind of thing. No good at all.

And even after that you are still at it in all the other forums.

I know I might be one of the ones you meant when you brought up lengthy posts. Maybe it would help you to know that I've begun to force myself to at least TRY to "get to the point" more quickly, without so many words. Why? Because even though I am guilty of writing long posts, I NEVER ready anyone elses if they are long and wordy.

Who's got time?

So I end up skipping over all the long ones and looking for the short sweet and to the point ones, LIKE YOURS, to get a sense of what the entire thread is about.

Don't underestimate the value of your posts. Trust me, if every post here were as long and wordy as some of my own are, I wouldn't be here.

There are over 45,000 people subscribed to WP. How do you know if you are different than most of them?

ruveyn

Thank you you guys. I don't feel that much different, anymore.

<hugs CockneyRebel>

Oh no...

Come to think of it...

What have we done?

I mean, different is supposed to be good, right?

So where's that u-tube of you drumming? Talk about the ultimate stim

I appreciate you (CockneyRebel) as a member of the WrongPlanet. I think what makes you so interesting to me is your talking about your special intense interest of the The Kinks. I feel having special intense interests is one of the gifts of having Asperger's. For me, I am usually driven by my special intense interests---roller coasters and house plans for example. Please don't quit posting in the manner you have here.

As far as intelligence---my IQ is 111. I have seen a lot of members here post genius level IQs, but I am not a genius. I think most members here are actually closer to average on IQ.

I am a teacher of the gifted (IQ of 126 and up for my school). In my studies I learned that people with IQs of this gifted range are often confused with Asperger's people. What this means is that a gifted person could be mistaken for having Asperger's. However, a gifted person can also have Asperger's---twice gifted. But it is possible that some people with gifted level IQs with a diagnosis of Asperger's could actually be gifted instead---or be twice gifted. Many gifted children/adults have traits very similar to Asperger's.

So, like you, I am not a genius. And like you, we (and many here) have special intense interests that most people around us probably know we have.

Finally, I---and most here at the WP, appreciate you as a member of this community.

Yes but there are different ways of being different. Some of them are better than others. When people say to be different it is usually in a positive way, they want to stimulate imagination. But there are ways of being different which are bad, such as a rabbit being blue and being spotted by a fox and eaten.

Semantics

[quote="Zur-Darkstar"]I attribute my own verbosity to a public school system that taught me to write a two page essay to convey information which only required a few meager sentences.[/quote]

Consider, a superb and rare profession is technical author.

One facet in common with a good journalist is writing for a specific audience.

You were writing for whom? Did you get pass marks?

CockneyRebel, methinks you add colour to this forum. you like what you like because you like it, kinda confused myself there but i mean you're not some mindless follower of the latest trends, you're you, bold, unashamed and that alone endears you to most here. i don't know you very well but you seem honest, respectful and interesting and i'm terribly judgemental sometimes so if i see that i imagine most on WP do too.
you stand out from a crowd of 'quirky' characters, to me this is admirable and attractive.
fudo

That basically covers how I feel.
And I often find it easier to do just this and quote things other people say. How boring is that?

i think you add colour to this forum, it seems to me you add colour to this forum.. both true.. besides i use methinks as 'i think' or 'fudo thinks' and no amount of pedantry will stop me, methinks :p