Do you ask questions?

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Kind of you to say so Especially if you mean both of us and not just Mydar.

Of course I ask question. Even if the answers you get back are rubbish at least they tell you something about the person giving them. Even if it's only that you should run away right now because this person is completely and utterly insane and is recruiting for the tinfoil beanie brigade, that's very very useful information to have early in the evening. Before they can fixate on you as their new preferred choice for hive-mate.

ToughD's a writer at heart.

Right, this is a difficult one. I don't do too badly with recognising social cues, funnily enough, but when it comes to asking questions in a conversation, I struggle. It's not that I don't know how or which question to ask them. It's because I always get afraid to ask, because I keep thinking they might not answer back, or might interrupt when I'm just about to ask, or they might not listen, or they might get distracted onto something else. I am good with rhetorical questions, but the type of question what you expect an answer to can be difficult because of the fear of not getting the answer I want, then feeling stupid - even though I wouldn't look stupid if the other person hadn't heard what I asked. The right question jumps into my mind at the right time, and I go to ask it, then I suddenly emotionally hang back and say, ''no. Better not....'' It's just part of the social anxiety I have, and it will probably stick with me all my life. I do know some NTs what don't ask many questions, so it doesn't really make me completely socially different. But it seems to make people stay at the aquatence level with me, rather than moving up to a higher friendship level.

I think the reason being is because once when I was in a room with other people but was talking to one person, I asked a question and she didn't seem to answer and just kept on yapping, and I saw other people look at me (I don't know why they looked at me, when the person I was talking to probably looked more stupid because of not putting an answer to my question, which was the right question at the right time).
Also, once a girl I knew came up to me and said, ''hello, you all right?'' and I said, ''yeh, you?'' but she didn't seem to hear the ''you'' bit - as soon as I said ''you'' she started talking about something. I've never been able to understand why NTs don't seem to hear my questions properly.
Until now:-
The reason why they don't seem to hear my questions properly is because I don't ask them with confidence. I half-hesitate, and half-mumble, and it doesn't really do me much justice. I should really work on this, because I've learnt all the other social cues quite well for an Aspie, (even my social worker said that), so I don't see why I won't be able to work on the asking questions section.

When I actually manage to think of a question, I often get that too. AS on its own would account for it, but I've got a double-whammy because Mum was very restrictive......a counsellor remarked that one big message I'd have picked up from her would be "no, don't do that." The only help is for me to learn to question it......often it's too strong to overcome, unless I really get focussed on it.

I've experienced that hearing problem that a lot of people seem to get while they're around me. No doubt it's mostly my fault for mumbling.......what seems to happen is that part of me wants to ask the question, part of me wants to stay silent, so my little brain compromises, and mumbles it. As that's largely unconscious, I tend to feel that the listener hasn't given me due attention, isn't interested, doesn't like me, etc. I've had that exact thing where the listener doesn't notice the "and you?" at the end of my reply to "how are you doing?" I probably need a diction coach to stand over me and belt me round the ear till I get into the habit of making everything I say loud and clear.

i try to, i'm often quite interested in some people, they've got to be at least a little odd though. but questions don't come easily to me, i generally ask what i'm asked back.

to be serious..
i rarely ask anyone else a question that is a question about what i should do. i can not remember the last time i did it. i am full of questions, but i only ask myself to think about the answers to those questions. i only really trust my appraisal of my questions, and i only trust my efforts to answer them.

that fact condemns me to a world where education is extremely hard for me to acquire.
my focus of attention always drifts away from other people who try to tell me what is going on.
i can not seem to grasp that other people are as smart or smarter than me, and that what they think is valid.

i can not see the fundamental reasons that people say what they say, and i therefore extract my attention from them after a short while.

i am disengaged hugely from the urgency to ask questions, and that is my most debilitating flaw.

Every time I do manage to ask a question, it always results in making me very embarrassed. Like for example, the other day I was talking to one of my colleagues about her dog, what had to have an operation. She said it was a ''snip''. I usually know these sorts of things, but it somehow didn't register what she was on about, so I plucked up the courage to ask a question to make it looked like I was interested (which I was anyway). So I asked, ''so what is this operation for then?'' And the lady said, ''you know, to stop him from having puppies.'' I felt stupid then, because it looked like I didn't understand the word ''snip'' being another word for ''operation for not wanting puppies''. But I did understand what that meant, but it just didn't register, and I was concentrating so much on asking a question that I wasn't concentrating on the rest of he conversation. So, to make me feel and look less stupid, I said, ''oh, of course!''

I still felt embarrassed.

I guess I'll have to be careful if I ever start asking questions then.

I guess you inadvertently forced her to amplify on a potentially embarrassing subject. No wonder I don't ask questions very often. I can see how risky it could be. I think, if I try to increase my Q's, I'll start in small ways.

Even NTs make mistakes though, when asking questions. I see it every day. But I don't think they're sensitive in that way because they're so used to conversations with people that they don't bother worrying. This lady I was talking to is an older lady, so she's probably been asked ''risky'' sorts of questions in her past life a many of times, and so probably didn't take no notice.
But being an Aspie, I tend to think that everyone is thinking the same way I'm thinking, so for example, just because I'm embarrassed of something, I think that everyone else is embarrassed for me, and is thinking it and judging it against me all the time. But half the time I bet they see me as a different person to what I see myself.

I do that a lot. I just tell people that I had a moment of cluelessness.

Nope, I don't ask questions.

I have lots of questions to ask - I like learning about things and people.

But I can never ask them of the appropriate person at the appropriate time because I can't get them out of my mouth.

I do ask lots of questions in email after the fact but most people seem to think that's odd so I restrict the people I send the questions to.

I do have one friend who receives most of my questions by email but rarely answers them.

He knows, as I do, that in time the questions will answer themselves or I will go find out the answer by reading something.
But until that happens I'm often frustrated by my lack of asking questions.

True, it's important to realise that social behaviour doesn't have to be perfect. I believe NTs often use a method that might be called "putting out feelers," in which they ask something that might not go down all that well, just to see what the response is.......if it's a bad response, they can back off before any significant social harm is done. If it's a good response, they know that particular area isn't a sore point or a taboo subject, so they can try probing deeper without a lot of risk. We tend to take our social mistakes too hard.

Is the Pope catholic?

I always ask questions when I don't understand. Always. Always Always. r

I know sometimes I look ignorant but I don't really care. It's a confidence thing. When I was younger I wouldn't have asked questions due to fear of chastisement , and I regret it now.

Lots of good things have happened since I have started asking questions!

If you don't ask - you really don't get !

i ask questions all the time! just not the social small talk questions (i.e. so how are you? the answer will be 'fine' anyway), i ask more general questions like 'why is it wrong to talk about the death penalty / abortion / hitler / stalin / human neuroticism etc ?' normally to someone I don't know very well, or an 'authority figure', in which case another of my favourites is 'what is authority?', 'what gives you the right to have authority over me?', 'why don't I have authority over you?' etc.... although the answers are often rather amusing, they tend not to be informative still, questions are a great way of finding out information (but NTs might treat you more favourably if you stuck to the small talk questions)

You have to have some social awareness and be diplomatic about it.

"Why are you so fat?" For example...