Why don't girls like being around me?

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I'm not sure if you are directing this at me or hybridsoul?
The basic premise of my post was not to get a trophy chick~!

Hybrid soul wants to have a girl who is a friend. The scenario he describes is that all the girls do not wish to be near him let alone talk to him. I suggested that he ignore girls and focus on his self-esteem, this includes the rather hard step for most teenage boys involving repressing the raging testosterone pumping through his blood when he has to engage or talk to a girl like in a group activity like a class assignment.

In my experience girls at school became curious why I was so confidently ignoring them and it slowly dawned on them that I was happy with myself and self confident. No this wasn't a gimmick to pick up girls, but as it so happended they became curious and followed me around...go figure

The moral of my tale was if you are happy with who you are and don't yearn to be somebody else (i.e. a awkward Aspie wishing they were a confident socially successful NT) then you can filter away people who are not worthy of your friendship, what's left are the people (male or female) who are seriously genuine.

If hybridsoul fixed his self esteem issues then people will see his personality rather than his awkwardness, the default here is if it doesn't, it doesnt matter because the people at school are therefore simply not worthy of wasting valuable cognitive energy.

manBrain does have a point there! Highschool is your time to focus on finishing school and getting a job or going to college(some people do both).

Last edited by DanielF on 15 Apr 2011, 11:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

Right on!

With all due respect, this is not a question we can answer.

I rather doubt that there is anything fundamentally "wrong" with you - it's far more likely that something about the way you present that makes people think there is something wrong with you. There is a difference. Still, we don't know you. All we can do is speculate.

Perhaps it's your posture; or your facial expressions; or the words you choose; or the clothes you wear. Maybe you seem arrogant because you're in your own little world and don't acknowledge others; or your stimming makes you look goofy.

We don't know - we can't know. The only one who can answer this for you is someone who can meet you, see you, talk to you. I don't know who, for you, this might be. A parent, a peer, a preacher, a teacher, a shrink. I don't know.

What I do know is that suicide is not a good choice. I'm pretty sure this was more of a rant than a real threat of self destruction, but . . . don't go there. Please? I've been there a couple times, and it's not a nice place to go. I think it's the only thing at which I'm glad to have failed. Things will get better. It will seem to take an interminable amount of time, and you won't notice it as it's happening, but . . . one day, you'll look back and think, "Thank God I didn't." I know that sounds like a bunch of worthless platitudes but - it's true.

Being a chick magnet isn't all that great either. I don't like to intentionally be an a**hole, but sometimes I have to just to get them to leave me alone. If I was interested in talking to girls, I would have initiated the conversation myself. Actually that probably isn't true, but that's what society has us believe, but yet for some reason I'm an exception to this. It's just frustrating, because the ones that I am interested in are the quiet ones who do leave me alone, but its the annoying ones that I could easily be acquaintances with.

I'm sure this is exactly what people in the position of the OP want to hear. Someone complaining about having a "problem" that's pulled from their daydreams. That'll make them feel better.

If you can summon the courage why don't you ask whats wrong next time? Tell them you notice that most girls get angry and evade you, that your fed up thinking why and want a blunt answer.

Beautiful and true.

Thanks, but I've finally realized that it's just my fault. I'm what people describe as "scary looking" and I should just accept it. There's no point in going on anymore and there's no point in trying.
I was born with horrible looks, a bio-neurological disorder and low self esteem.
I'm going to take my life on the 25th with exsanguination being the cause of death. I'm going to cut my throat after taking many pain killers with a steak knife. I plan on doing this in my bedroom with all of the lights out. During this time, I will be burning myself with candle wax to prepare myself for the pain, if there's going to be any. I can't take being an ugly weirdo anymore; there's no point in going on, and there never was. There's no god watching me, only my family. No friends, no future, no attention, no point. I'm a little dizzy because I just punched myself in the head due to excessive frustration, but it won't matter if I have brain damage; it'll be eaten out soon enough. There's a reason people make fun of me by screaming Aaaaah! in my school, and that's because I'm a sub-human monster, physically and mentally. No one will ever love me, girls are b*****s who need their throats cut and a dick shoved inside after busting in their bloody, razor filled c**t. Vulgarity, to me is apathy. Apathy is intertwined with lethargy, which subsequently leads to depressing thoughts. Can you believe this is going to be my third suicide attempt? Will you believe that this is my last one? I feel numb. Nothing a few cuts won't cure. I'm just typing away for the hell of it now -- I got my message across, and there's, once again I must reiterate because I'm f*****g crazy, no point to me waking up. An afterlife would be nice, that is, if it's not a continued version of this one. But, to be official, an after life is just as likely as ghosts and Jesus Christ. Not likely. Not going to happen, probably. Do the people who hurt me feel blame? Blame is fake. I'm fake. I'm almost dead. Almost.

I have the same problem as the OP...tend to scare people just based on my face, nothing more, nothing less. Or they think I'm nerdy and laugh. Either way it isn't good.

And the funny thing is, it isn't just women, but it's usually women that engage in this type of criticism. Have had waitresses pointing at me in groups and laughing. I don't hate women, because men aren't innocent either, but it's mostly women that have done this. I don't even care in the romantic sense. It just makes it so I can't leave the house. I'm already suicidally depressed to begin with...I don't even want to think of how bad it would be if I had to deal with that kind of criticism on a daily basis.

Sorry I hope you didn't go through with your promise on the 25th. I realise I shouldn't say something here as one wrong word or a tiny trigger maybe is all you need to justify doing what you have declared.

If you are still with us then just a couple of things.

- Suicide is actually a final act of attention seeking when all else is not providing the type of stimulus you are seeking. Ostracism leading to loneliness makes those predisposed to suicide act make this final act in order to teach others a lesson (so to speak). So who are you actually hurting? well firstly yourself, death is painful, especially the way you described. Secondly your immediate family - mother, father and siblings will suffer.

I am fairly sure the girls and school bullies you intended this for will not bat an eyelid at your demise. Suicide seems to be a big deal on TV sitcoms but in the real world people are too hard to worry about it. A boy in my school committed suicide many years ago because he was bullied for being uncool and his parents refused to buy him a mountain bike. Nobody gave a tuppence when the news came back. There was a solemn church service after which kids quietly joked that he was a loser anyway (this included girls). I was shocked at the time, but have a better understanding of human nature and understand that we live in a individualistic, competitive, selfish society where a suicide is just yesterdays news.

- Finally you have self esteem issues. This is not very hard to fix. How do I know? because I had them once because I was all alone at school and my parents/siblings didn't care very much if I existed or not. Today I contact my mum once a month and barely talk to my dad. It doesn't bother me. You seem like an intelligent guy,let me tell you, friends are over-rated. I look back at my friendships and most of my conversations and exchanges were BS. Don't get me wrong, if you find comfort in friendship then fine, whatever works for you. But since you are in the same boat as me let me tell you some facts
- people like to think they are smart, but remember nothing they tell you is so unique that you can't find it in a book
- If you envy how other people look remember that age will make them suffer for the temporary joys of youth, nothing on earth is permanent
- if you like the sound of another persons voice listen to the radio
- girls drive you crazy then understand its just your hormones. Find other diversions during recess like sitting in the library
- if people laugh at you in order to make you feel bad then feel sorry for them as negativity actually kills you faster.

Sorry bud, you ain't unique, theres plenty of us who suffered in school. The cure for loneliness is taking control of your own life and rescuing your self esteem. The pain you are experiencing is self inflicted. Try looking at the positive aspects of life - the seeking of knowledge, like a video game you just play - if for no other reason than to find out what happens.....keep the spark of interest in life......I know one thing you life isn't boring.....

I'm generally quiet but girls like it when an independent thinker is outspoken. I don't really fit in with groups so I'm basically a maverick. Some girls have liked that in me, usually intelligent girls.

Girls generally like a guy who's outspoken. They tend to like brighter thinkers more, especially the more intelligent ones.

Why? Because being outspoken is a sign of your "social visibility" and thus relative social status in the "social hierarchy"; the higher your visibility, the more you're noticed by a greater amount of girls, and the higher your status, the greater your attractiveness to said girls. Of course, other personal qualities can sway your attractiveness one way or another, from the whole group to particular subgroups of girls. Creativity and humor is generally considered attractive, for example, and a loud mouth awkward dullard likely isn't going to attract much. (Ask me how I know. )

I empathize and sympathize with the OP because hormones are one thing that's truly out of a guy's control. Unless he's asexual or gay, he's going to want to have affection from women in some form (whether emotional or sexual or both) and it's a body problem, not a mind problem. Our body doesn't care that we're introverted, don't really like to socialize, and on top of it are undesirable to most or all women because of our aspieness and possibly our physical appearance...it just wants women for company and/or sex.

After dating a couple nice, low-maintenance women that were attractive and my physical type and some commonalities...it's not all it's cracked up to be, for me anyway. It's good, but it isn't this magical thing and it comes with drama/headaches even if the girls are low-maintenance, one of the guys types (which they were.) Would I date someone where it was just like talking to a best friend or a close family member who I was physically attracted to, and there was little to no arguments/drama? Sure, who wouldn't. But I don't need it to survive. I'm perfectly happy single.

The problem is, the body doesn't care about this either. It craves sex, even if consciously you don't really care that much about it. I haven't had intercourse, but I did foreplay with both women and even though consciously it's just "anything else" to me, the body craves it and wants more and wants to go all the way.

If the OP (assuming he didn't do anything to himself) could somehow ride out the hormones (easier said than done, I know) and stop caring about an irrelevant topic, he'd be a lot better off.

I'm at a point where if some random woman is laughing at me or looking at me like she's creeped out...I realize it speaks more about her than it does me that she would care that much about a random stranger who isn't even looking at her or posing a threat to her.

Oh noo.. am I too late?
Schoolgirls are sociopaths.. they'll probably grow out of it, most of them realize they've been mean.. they're not thinking of you, it just doesn't occur to them, but they'll feel bad when they realize they may have hurt you. They really will! One even apologized years later for being mean to me. I didn't even remember her, but she felt guilty enough to remember me. It was so sweet.

As a girl I can say that some guys can look scary, and when I was young I didn't know what to do about it, so I also avoided them and talked about them to my friends like the girls you described. Like I said.. we were sociopaths. We didn't think about what the guy was thinking at all, we just ran away because it was too uncomfortable to get to know someone who had a scary first impression. But then we grew up and learned to look for other things in people. When you grow up, it all changes.

Unfortunately, women don't get much better after school age either. I was at a baseball game, and some heavy set girl, early 30s probably, sitting to the left of me was complaining to her boyfriend about something about me. Wasn't looking at her at all at any point, she most likely just thought I was weird looking. He said to her "You could be in paradise and find something wrong."

This sort of thing happens to me all the time, and 9 times out of 10, it's a woman. I'm not saying men are innocent either...when I was younger, random men on the streets would call me gay...and I've had user male friends or male friends that didn't respect me. But women are more likely to just make fun of guy or overreact about a guy because of his physical appearance.

The ironic thing is, these same women date guys that are actually physically big enough to do harm on them, and in some cases, do physically abuse them.