People not realizing the full extent of your difficulties.

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dunbots
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05 May 2011, 9:53 pm

Just about nobody realizes the extent of my difficulties... Like today, my teacher said "You're more than intelligent enough to do the work, you've shown me that in the past": Well, yes, I am intelligent, but there's more to completing schoolwork than just intelligence! I can't keep my attention on reading, thus I don't learn anything, so then I can't do the assignments. And sometimes even if I do read it I can't do the homework because I can't think or focus. :evil:



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05 May 2011, 10:09 pm

aussiebloke wrote:
^^^^

You make like normal though I find it tiring and pointless. I just want to be left alone , well not quite with my birdies :) They are my best friends :)


Yeah, lately I've been reconsidering. I've had my fun, and made up for years of social isolation, but I think it's time for me to retire. I certainly can't keep this up forever, and it's really bad for my health.


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ShadesofGra
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06 May 2011, 4:28 am

MathGirl wrote:
My question is, what is the best way to avoid this problem when dealing with people? Would there be anything I could say to someone upon meeting them for the first time to help me avoid this issue of misunderstanding?


Hi, I have also been in these kinds of situations and have found it difficult over the years to help people understand me. I'd like to offer two strategies that may help you to overcome some of the difficuties that you have with interpersonal communication.

The first is what I call Clarificaton, quite simply, repeat back to them what you think they are saying, and ask them if you've got it right.
There is a general preference in most western cultures to 'play down' your own strengths in order to show solidarity in a relationship. Most people assume, (even though they may not realise it,) that if you say something depreciating about yourself that you are attempting to make a show of solidarity. As a result, they may attempt to mirror this solidarity by complimenting you or telling you that you are being too hard on yourself. So, rather than telling people explicitly that you have a problem or that you can't keep up with their flow of conversation, let them discover it for themself, overtly or implicitly, in a way that doesn't cause a lose of 'face' to either you or them. When you ask questions and attempt to clarify what people are saying they are more able to learn the modes of language that help you understand them, and over time you will find that you begin to understand each-other better without having to ask so many questions.

The second strategy is Point Making, and is similar to the first but is more useful in a classroom situation. When you have a question, write it down so that when you have the opportunity to ask the teacher you ask only what you intended to ask. By doing this you help yourself to crystalise your thoughts and don't end up waffling on about the interconnecting issues. Once the answer is then given, attempt to Clarify so that the teacher can know if you have understood the answer. (It may even be helpful to say something like, "So, just to clarify that...")

I hope this helps. Let me know how you go :)



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06 May 2011, 10:28 am

daydreamer84 wrote:
:lol: being the friend you speak of , OP, I can definitely relate. This happens to me all the time. No advice though.............


you know her in RL?

Anyhoo I've had the same issues, in class when i was in school I was either really quiet or I would keep on speaking out of turn, in English I was really quiet and in my own thoughts, but in religion I would keep arguing with the teacher (I so opinionated about religions) and I was notorous for being a know it all in history.
So it ended up that people who remembered me in religion class thought i was more high funtioning then i really was because I wouldn't shut up, either way i was at extremes: either a mute or inappropriately speaking out.

And people think that means I wouldn't be autistic, i tihink the reverse is true.


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Phonic
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06 May 2011, 10:31 am

Tequila wrote:

If they really wanted a smaller state, they'd be looking at UKIP.


I get the impression you support the UKIP, in which case you should watch This Is England as many times as it takes to get you off them.


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MathGirl
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06 May 2011, 11:08 am

Phonic wrote:
you know her in RL?
Yeah, we both know each other IRL. :)


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Todesking
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06 May 2011, 11:57 am

At different jobs I have worked my co-workers have always told me I come off as intelligent and shy. They thought I was good enough to help them do their work but not good enough to show any respect to me. :(

I can mimic behavior I see people doing on tv I repeat a lot of jokes or smart ass comments I have heard on movies, tv show, and from friends so I can make myself appear sociable. Thanks to my parents kicking my ass when I was not polite I now appear overly polite and can fake empathy like saying things like "I am so sorry for your loss" or "I feel your pain", In reality I could care less about their problems if they do not relate to me. But after people have prolong exposure to me they start to see the weirdness.


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06 May 2011, 1:38 pm

Phonic wrote:
daydreamer84 wrote:
:lol: being the friend you speak of , OP, I can definitely relate. This happens to me all the time. No advice though.............


you know her in RL?

Anyhoo I've had the same issues, in class when i was in school I was either really quiet or I would keep on speaking out of turn, in English I was really quiet and in my own thoughts, but in religion I would keep arguing with the teacher (I so opinionated about religions) and I was notorous for being a know it all in history.
So it ended up that people who remembered me in religion class thought i was more high funtioning then i really was because I wouldn't shut up, either way i was at extremes: either a mute or inappropriately speaking out.

And people think that means I wouldn't be autistic, i tihink the reverse is true.



I remember kids and teachers under estimated me in high school. They thought I couldn't do this or that but when I did drama and after the play, everyone all of a sudden over estimated me. I can't win.



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07 May 2011, 7:56 am

Phonic wrote:
I get the impression you support the UKIP, in which case you should watch This Is England as many times as it takes to get you off them.


I've seen This Is England. Very good. Have you seen the TV sequel?

Wanting to be free to set our own laws in our own country is racist-skinhead style territory is it? Jesus wept.



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07 May 2011, 3:59 pm

Kittendumpling wrote:
I have very similar issues. Alas, I have no advice to offer. I wish there was a way to not feel offended when I tell someone about my AS and associated difficulties, only to have them say "But you seem so normal, it can't be that bad!"

Seem, not am.