Aspergers and being too honest

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I can be very honest with people, sometimes to a fault.

I've been warned against being too open with people about myself, that just because someone asks me a question, it doesn't mean I have to answer it. It's tough, though, because most of the time I just don't know when it's appropriate to disclose something and when it's not.

Being honest can have its downfalls. Sometimes, you can say things at other people's expense without realizing it. One thing for sure is I cannot stand fake people and liars!

I have something I constantly repeat, "There is but one undying truth". I can be either too honest and "mean" or too nice and sweet; there is no balance when it comes to how I am perceived. When I tell the truth, after lots of terrorizing on the behalf of others, people become angry at me for being "too" honest. But when I'm kind people assume me weak. An angry person recently told me, "you don't have any friends because you're rude as f**k". And my sister, apparently, warns guest when they visit our house of my unintentional rudeness. Way I see it, I have nothing to hide from people so I don't spend my life trying to prevent others from seeing what is obvious to me and many others; we're all chaotic beings, internally, and honesty brings a sense of peace and calm. Initially, it may bring pain but the pain is subdued by the truth, and we are then able to heal our wounds because we then know ourselves better. People on here constantly talk about how aspies are smart and yadda, yadda, yadda. I think the brilliance may be because of a different kind of wiring of our brains but it is also facilitated, I hope, by our lack of arrogance. The best people at their respective careers have always been, I've noticed, the most humble, and also the most honest about their flaws. So, I try to humble myself and steady any internal strife so I can do better at my chosen obsession. I actually enjoy it when people are honest to me so I often play the role of a "weak" person; for the weak carry the burden of honesty along with the pain of civilization. Finally, "The truth cleanses the filth of our souls and resurrects our childish spirit."

A friend took me to an appointment and we did some holiday shopping. She was laughing and told me I did not have to be so honest, I could "lie" - this was in regard to the cashier trying to make holiday comments - I left telling the cashier "nice try" - because she was trying to tell me about "good times" for the holidays and I knew she was doing her job - I was just expressing some reality. I would not have thought there was anything "wrong" with what I said had I not had company who pointed it out to me. I don't know why I would say anything different than what I did under those circumstances, but it did make me wonder about how often people are thinking what my friend said to me. She did say she thought the cashier got a "kick out of me", that I was being funny. I wasn't trying to be funny, I wasn't trying anything - I just responded.

This is totally me! While I do not go up to people and tell them brutally honest things, when someone asks my opinion, I feel like I would be doing them a disservice not to tell them the truth. There are very few things I hate more than finding out that I asked someone to give an honest opinion, and they lied. Why would I do that to someone else?

This leads to endless conflict with my mother, who is the master of asking for truths that she can't handle. For instance:

Mom: Tell me honestly, what do you think of this color I want to paint the wall?
Me: I think it's really ugly.
Mom: You don't have to be so rude! It's really hurtful to me when you say stuff like that. But forget it! *storms off*
Dad: You shouldn't have said that.
Me: Wtf?

It's gotten to the point where whenever my mom asks my "honest opinion", I find an excuse to go talk to my dad and ask him whether I'm allowed to be honest, or whether I should lie.


Honestly, I find it extremely stressful having to gauge whether I can afford to be honest, particularly when someone says they want my honest opinion. It's even more awkward when people aren't quite asking my opinion but clearly want to know. For instance, this summer, I met a girl who said, "I just don't understand why no one wants to be friends with me." I desperately wanted to tell her truth: that she complains about absolutely everything all the time. I wanted to tell her because if it was me, I would have truly wanted to know, and I thought it would help her. But I suspected I should lie, so I just shrugged and said, "I don't either." I know I did the socially acceptable thing, but I still feel guilty that I didn't give her information that could have helped her, especially because she's not likely to find someone else willing to be honest.

When I was in the psychiatric hospital (I was misdiagnosed. When they decided I had ASD, they kicked me out), one of the patients asked me how old I thought she looked.

I was honest, and replied that I thought she was in her 50s. Turned out she was 46. But she was a smoker, and that tends to make people look older than they really are.

Anyway, she was really offended, and it turned into this long-running joke with the other patients. I felt really guilty.

But I was honest.

I learned an important lesson, there. Never try and guess a woman's age.

I offer up the truth to by fullest capacity. I long for those around me to do the same. If someone takes issue with my words, they are not taking issue with me, but with reality. And that is not my concern, but theirs.

Most conversations end with someone saying "you're mean" to me...

Being too open is one thing, but being honest is something that is never done enough these days.

To explain what I mean:
People tend to confuse openness with honesty, and they also put them as the same, when they're not.

Openness is the result of divulging information about oneself, or ones activities, even in an inappropriate way.
Honesty is simply the act of being honest (not lying about something usually).
Honesty does not equal openness, and a lack of openness doesn't equal dishonesty.
An omission of truth is still a lie/being dishonest, unless it has to do with you personally and is no-one elses business but yours(openness).
For example: Someone leaves the keyboard of their computer for a few minutes while chatting online. What that person does while away from that keyboard is their business and no-one elses and if someone shared personal business in this context (e.g. using restroom) that would be considered being too open. (note: NOT dishonest, because that's no-one else's business).
Whereas: someone avoiding you and doing things that would harm your friendships with other people, that's dishonest and an example of not being honest enough. But not having to do with openness.

One can never be "too honest", that phrase (too honest) was invented by liars and deceivers who only care about themselves and getting above everyone else at the expense of good, honest people. And people like that honestly think that lying is the best thing to do in life, dispite the fact that it does nothing but hurt the people around such liars. (liars have no empathy for those they hurt)

I'm always too honest, I cannot tell lies, I've always been like this & often I've lost out as a result.

Well, I used to lie and be very manipulative when I was a lot younger. Eventually I felt bad for being like that and was honest as I could be, even when others didn't want me to. :/
I can still lie and be manipulative and persuasive with my words, but I don't like to.

It's usually something I don't say that people get mad about, but I am too honest sometimes.

Such as when my family left from visiting for Easter, they told me "Thanks for having us", and I said "Well, it wasn't my idea", inferring that it was my parents idea, which it was. It wasn't out of rudeness at all. Also, whenever we're opening presents, I hate when people say a gift they bought is from them AND me, even though I have no idea what it is. I will usually say that I have no idea what it is, or it's not from me.