My gripes at ASpartners

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True... but what you don't know, or at least what I didn't know beforehand, is just how many aspie issues intersect with the expectations that most people bring to a marriage. Hell, I expected to be doing my marriage a hell of a lot better than I am now.

Marriage is (or should be) very much unlike any other relationship anyone ever has. More intense, more close, more shared everything. More looks and vibes and automatic coordination and adjustment. All that nonverbal stuff, turned up to 11. Hell, I want and expected that stuff and I can't even do it! What about someone who can, but not with their spouse, and they found out decades after the fact?

Not saying they're right in trashing their spouses, mind you... their spouses were just as confused and clueless and went into it with just as much good-faith.

As an Aspie husband with an NT wife, I can say that things can be difficult at times. My advice for NT spouses is to realize your Aspie will never be like other spouses. But that's OK. What you need to do is get over your false expectations and look for the good things in your Aspie. If you celebrate & embrace our unique gifts, we can be excellent spouses. It' never easy, but it can be rewarding.

What did you think of the stuff I wrote on this first initial post on here? Do you agree with all, some or none? What would you like from your husband?

Auuuuuuughhhhhhhhhh! I can't stop reading that horrible forum. They complain about ASH's stimming and sensory issues too, as if his brainsplody in response to certain noises and smells can be controlled by him!

Addictive, ain't it?



I don't remember seeing much of that. I am soooo gonna get sucked back in.

That forum pisses me off so much I don't even go there much and I get bored thanks to my short attention span. Some posts there I find funny because sometimes they remind me of me. My favorite thread was about being obsessed with money and how cheap their husbands were. I am not that extreme but they didn't want to pay lot of money to have something be fixed or replaced so they did it the cheap way or not fix it at all and how obsessed they are with money.


Another one I will never forget was about spitting in the kitchen sink. Uh what is wrong with that? I did it all the time when I lived in Montana and my husband does it too sometimes. Water washes things down the drain, dishes are washed in the sink or soaked. That had nothing to do with AS.

The ASPartners WTF award goes to this little gem posted in 2008 http://forums.delphiforums.com/ASPartne ... msg=7702.6:

Yes, my friends, she insisted he go to a doctor, and when said doctor gave him antidepressants, she threw them out! And, shockingly, he never improved!

I remember that one too! Dirty dishes go into the sink around here, then they get washed, then they're clean. Putting dirty stuff into a sink full of dirty dishes isn't going to make a difference!

I would describe some of these NT-AS relationships as "Synergistic Suck".

The brain of an ASH blows a fuse and has a meltdown, this automatic process being a result of his neurology.
The brain of a NTW blows a fuse in response to assign all kinds of PURE EVIL intentions to the ASH, who, in her mind, had a meltdown because he had ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ PURE EVIl intentions in his mind, this automatic process being a result of her neurology.

ASH Auto-Meltdown + NTW Auto-Projection => Synergistic Suck.

Another thing I noticed on that forum is that some NTW with ASH say that they know (in real life) multiple other NTW with ASH. I don't get it. Are there that many ASH running around in the wild? How come I haven't met any of them? How come they know multiple ones and I have met one person with undiagnosed AS in the wild?

I love it! I am so going to steal the phrase "Synergistic Suck" and use it from time to time!

That doesn't surprise me too much. Lots of people hang out with others like them. Lots of similar people wind up with similar partners. So really, one AS Partner hanging out with other AS Partners... not too unlikely.

Just tried another post. I'm still in moderation.

Dammit, I am getting sucked back in!

It seems like what attracted many of these NTW to their ASH was the childlike uncomplicated innocence and naivete and cute shyness of their then ASBF compared to most men trying to grope them all the time.

LOL, now NTW are posting that they think they have AS and other NTW are convincing the ASNTW that they think they have AS because they have been "Aspergerated" from living with their ASH for years. LOLOLOL. Then, after the divorce, the ASNTW have to be "De-Aspergerated".

This is all a joke, right? Obvious troll is obvious?