Did you notice you were different when you were a kid?

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i knew i was different so i kept my distance. as a kid, i never had a problem with not fitting in. i figured the rest simply weren't worth my time. i often read books of my own interest under the table during lessons and refused to participate in class if i felt it wasn't interesting or new.

this behaviour caused alot of problems for me cos the teachers kept calling my parents down to school regarding my behaviour. it wasn't that i was disruptive, it's just that i was 'difficult'. funny, i felt i was rather accomodating to my teacher's requests most of the time

i got into a good secondary school where there was an accelerated program for 'smarter' kids. i didn't do very well there because i didn't believe myself to be smart, my parents' constant belittling didn't help and who was i to challenge my mother's assessment? (she was a school teacher) those were the years i tried to fit in and socialize more, but it only made me more aware of how different i was, even though in my school, we were all considered 'different' and were groomed to be 'future leaders' *smirk*

imagine that. *shudder*

further education proved even more difficult as i struggled with the structured learning environment. i was unable to grasp theories without context, but i excelled in math and other application subjects. dropped out of junior college and polytechnic due to emotional imbalances (read: breakdowns) and other family commitments (read: mom's mad, gotta help out at home) respectively.

an extremely supportive friend i found online through a MUD convinced me that i wasn't stupid, he said i had alot of traits geniuses had, i just had too many things going against, i.e. family, wrong school etc etc. i half believed him and went back to school to get my advanced diploma. but i'm still disruptive to my own life and recently became unemployed (company downsized).

with the help of my very patient and loving boyfriend, i'm slowly picking up the shreds and tying in emotions and shedding light on why i remember many horrible things in my past but have seemingly no emotional attachment to.

but yea. i still feel quite the oddball. this would be the first forum i actually feel quite comfortable posting this much in. i have never been this active in any forum, not even the gaming ones ;P

*Edit: ok i guess what i'm saying is, this place is great! i finally feel like i fit in SOMEWHERE. you know how it is, words, explaining what i mean etc.... BAH!

I was always extremely strange in every way

I have been always quite odd in the eyes of other people, sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, but yeah, I always knew that...

I was always the outcast as a kid. My dad constantly told me that I was "different", but in a good way. He said that when I was a toddler I was very quiet and would usually sit in one place and stare at people. He said it kinda gave him the creeps sometimes when I'd stare at him because he felt like I was reading his mind.

I find this topic very confusing.

There are so many factors that could explain why I am the way I am, and I've never been able to work it all out. For example, I'm an only child, and therefore 'spoilt' and lacking in social skills. My parents divorced when I was about 12 and this made me depressed and cynical. I am a railway enthusiast and therefore a 'geek'. My parents were, in retrospect, almost totally unsuited which makes my existence some sort of genetic accident. Plus, of course, it is natural for most teenagers to feel alienated anyway, so I could never really tell what was average teenage angst and what was abnormal.

I knew something was different, but I didn't know what. Still don't, in fact. As I put in the "Questions about you 2" thread:

"Why are you here?
Trying to work things out. I have a number of different issues and I don't know whether I have AS or whether I'm just a depressed hypochondriac loser looking for an excuse! The name of the site certainly struck a chord and I can really identify with some of the forum comments so maybe I'm in the right place."

That's all I know.

Ever since around fourth grade, I've had a feeling of being different than everybody else, it was vague though; until I knew about AS, I thought everyone thought the same way I did, which of course, isn't true.

I don't remember when i found out i was different somewhere between age 5-9...

Just as soon as I had a better understanding of who I was, around 5 years old, I suddenly realized that I was very much different that all other kids. By the time I hit 7 years old, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was different. I couldn't tell you where and how I was different. Just that I didn't seem to be living in their reality.

I was a weird kid. A very, very weird kid. I did not integrate well with other kids. I could run around and play with the other kids but I could not comunicate or emote with them. I was just on some other wavelength than other kids.

I never knew who or what was real or unreal. Was it them or was it me that wasn't real???

Just as soon as I had a concept of self consciousness and began interacting with other kids, I knew I was different.

And even to this day, I have not stopped seeing the world through this fog that began before I can remember.

I was always different in so many ways, although I had no idea what was different or why. I was a full grown teen when I started realizing that the oddness I enjoyed was somewhat unique. Going back in time, mentally, there had to be more people on the spectrum in my school, statistically if nothing else, because my high school was huge. But I never met anyone like me before.

I don't remember not knowing I was different.

I love the sarcasm comment--what cute insight. We had to practice that quite a bit but how much better it would be coming from other kids in that way.

My kiddo started out in that world of half AS and half NT to begin with and his experience has been very much the same as yours. He's in a school that is pretty accepting of differences to begin with plus he's always had a friend or two that were accepting of him. It's not only helped him gradually pick up on the social aspects, but it's gone a long way in helping him become a happy, confident kid. He's got two really good buddies now...they play at school, have playdates at each other's houses, even did time in the principal's office together with four hours of school remaining in the school year.

I'll be interested down the road to find out if/when he noticed he was different. Back when his differences were more pronounced I got the feeling that any differences he might have picked up on were due to the fact that the *other* kids were different, not him.

Thanks for that! Now I know I'm not one a one-in-a-million Aspie that got a lucky break as a kid. When I was younger, I did notice that I was different, but I just figured that I just had a little bit more trouble than everybody else in some areas, which I thought was natural. I've now got an entire group of friends I hang out with, and the number is around about 15 to 25. A few of them are more like aqauntinces, but we still hang out sometimes and talk to eachother. I reckon 25 is an extremely high number of friends for an Aspie to have at this stage in life (High School), so once again, I feel like the lucky one.

I came up with the randomest idea: It's KBABZ, saviour of all Aspies and Auties!! ! By day, he's just a typical NT, but by night, he's a full-blown Aspie intend of good deeds and helping people out! But, when his fellow Aspies find out that he's half NT, some of them lay distrust and betray him, as do some of his NT friends when they find out he's half Aspie! But KBABZ's accepting friends help him out through all this turmoil and they will triumph above!! !

I was well aware that I was different. I felt isolated and like I didn't really have any friends even though I did. I never felt like anyone really liked me for me, that other kids were just inclding me to be nice. I had terrible self-esteem and became very much the isolationist in High school- after leaving the school I'd been at for 5 years and going a different school than all my friends. I hated school. School was too easy and I was too bored, I didn't fit in, I was a loner and didn't connect with other people despite many attempts by others to reach out to me. I was nice to other people and I was relatively pretty, so boys usually did take an interest in me, but I had no interest in them adn they'd give up. I was mostly apathetic about having relationships with others. I was relieved when my parents split up right before my Senior prom because I had a great excuse to turn someone down: I knew my mother couldn't afford a dress for me. I dreaded things like that. I knew I was weird. I wanted to fit in, but I never could. It dind't help that I had a mother who sheltered me and did not push me to socialize and have a life. She was hapy that I would stay home because that left her free to go do what she wanted while I watched my sibs.

I got along great with people when I was drinkning a lot, but when I quit, I was almost ostracized. I never did fit well with people, but now it doesn't bother me. I didn't really realize I was different than other people, but I often wondered why I didn't get invited to parties, or wasn't popular, or why I couldn't seem to keep up with almost any kind of intelligent conversation when the other people seemed to do fine. I thought about it a lot.