how many identities are from the same person on this forum?

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it has to do with trusting the other person. it is hard enough to trust people...then you find a friend who you think you can trust..spend time talking..share things..and then you find out the whole time not only that they were lying, but that you were just a GAME to them. I would feel humiliated, as well.

just to digress a bit, I find it easier to "connect" with members with a pronouncable name.

For example to me, dgd1788 you are just a number on the net, but "Tequila" or "Canyonwind" to pick a couple of names at random, I can visualise as people.

I would have trouble with IP addresses. Or am I misunderstanding you meaning the IP address = user name?

Yes, but what the heck is a Bazza?

It never even occured to me that someone would puppet account at WP. Duh! Silly Aspie!

Enigmatic: No I wasnt really suggesting that I was mostly just talking to myself and went on a tangent there.

Willow: Does it matter if it was a game to them? They used you for entertainment and company and in turn you used them for entertainment and company. Socializing is a game by its very nature. The honesty of the two parties is completely irrelevant so long as material concerns werent involved.

I think thats part of what I dont understand.. while I cant abide by lieing as a general rule I dont get the reaction. You benefited from the relationship so how can you really say you were wronged at the same time?

I think I would much rather have been cheated out of a whole lot of money by this person than be cheated out of what they did take from me.


It was the effect it had on me afterward: I'll never have another online friendship with anybody ever again that goes beyond a board itself.

Period.

End of sentence.

See but thats what I dont get.. what exactly did they take? Your pride? Your trust? That sounds like all they did was provide the stimulus but any reaction you make to it is your own responsibility.

If you decided not to trust anyone again afterwards that was your own decision.

No one can make you think or beleive anything you dont want to short of brainwashing and that only works if you have a weak will.

were you really benefitted? at the time, before the lie was exposed, sure.

but the very foundation of it crumbled..causing a large pile of crap.

so you're worse off than when you started...plus probably wary of good people because of one sick idiot's games.


I think it is because you are looking at it...hmmm. I don't know how to say it...all at once? ie it was a good friendship and you were happy how does that make you feel wronged?...whereas I see it as two separate things....the first being a good friendship that made you happy...the second being a rug ripped out from underneath you by someone you trusted...the first part doesn't make the second part excusable.

I would just rather be left alone, than be a part of some person's game (and that is the painful part, to realize this person who meant something to you, only saw you as a checker piece).

not to mention...the harm they do to people with trust issues...ugh. like...you were halfway up a mudslide....you thought you were close to the top...then this person you trusted kicked you in the face and sent you back to the bottom.

you were better off before..halfway up.


I know I'm not explaining it very well....but I'm trying.

you don't think a person can cause another to no longer trust people, in general?

it has nothing to do with a weak will. I have a pretty strong will. I get my own way MOST of the time. I refuse to be swayed. THAT is will. I don't trust people, in general, because of the abuse I have suffered at the hands of others. that is as simple as Pavlov.

take a person...ruin their trust by being UNtrustworty enough..and they will no longer trust.


nothing to do with will, at all.

Hmm I think I understand what you mean.. but just as the first doesnt make the second excusable the second doesnt cause the first to cease to exist in your memories either.

Sometimes we have to take the bad with the good I think and if its me Im usually just glad there was some good involved.

Kind of a karma thing: In order for something good to happen to you something of equal and opposite negativity must be endured.

So I just forget/forgive the bad and carry on with some happy memories or anticipation and curiosity of how my luck will turn to something positive in the near future.



Your still reacting to someones actions in an emotional and irrational way. Its your decision whether or not to paint everyone with the same brush.

Pavlov conditioning can cause simple initial reactions but it cant make up your mind for you.

Deluding yourself into believing others have forced you to distrust everyone in general is simply a way out of facing your fear.

well...sort of.

a fond memory..doesn't change the betrayal. the lies..basically make the fond memory not a memory, but a play.

like finding out santa isn't real.

I understand what you are saying...but I just can't agree. I don't think it is irrational to be hurt because someone you trusted lied to you...or to find it difficult to trust others because you fear the same thing happening. I think it is a natural human trait, actually.

even an animal...if one human they trusted, slapped them in the face with a newspaper...they would be wary of any human afterwards.

a natural instinct for self preservation.

Perhaps so but is it an instinct you really need? If its doing more harm than good why are you listening to it?

one could argue we have instincts for a reason..but beyond that.....how is it doing more harm than good?

without it...what is the option? the opposite would be to blindly trust everyone, regardless of how often you were shown you shouldn't.

mistakes happen, to show us what went wrong...where to improve...what to not let happen again.

it isn't a flaw to become *more* wary of people when you were blindsided, used, and lied to by someone who "tricked" you into thinking they were your trusted friend.

"to believe" is the same thing as betting the coin engraved with "hope" onto the table. Hence, ..."to believe" is to shoulder risk onto yourself. When you win, you gain tremendously, but if you don't, you lose something valuable.

Just like every gambler out there, we try to bet our coins on a match that can be won. But just like any other game out there, there is no such thing as a game that can be won absolutely.

You win some, you lose some. And that is how you start accruing the hope coins.

But if you start to constantly lose, you begin to become reluctant in betting. ...And that's when you realize; if you don't bet anything, you don't lose anything.

However, not betting anything is equivalent to not believing in anything. Not believing in anything, is the same as not being involved in anything. And when you're not involved in anything, that's the same as saying that you don't even exist in the first place.

There are different degrees of deception also and that can make a huge difference in how someone is affected. It really depends on who or what the person is pretending to be and how can you really have any kind of relationship (platonic or not) and withhold some very important information from a person and think that is ok. It really says they don't value that person or consider them an equal (at best) or all the way to them using another person as a prop or a thing.

And if you have been used like that by someone - or hurt repeatedly through bullying or whatever - than is it realistic to say that everyone could simply choose or not choose to be offended by that or not have that reflect on their attitude towards other people. Take forgiveness for instance - it is one thing to forgive, but much harder to forget. I can on an intellectual level know everyone is an individual and should be judged as such but still protect myself by being cautious about relationships. Same things can happen with people who love someone with an addiction - you can still love the person but on some level you still need to protect yourself emotionally.

Hmm.. protecting yourself emotionally is probably another part I dont get very well.

No one can predict the future no one can know they are being decieved before it is revealed.

So how can you really protect yourself? And isnt the act of trying to protect yourself by holding things back more of an obstacle to a relationship than anything beneficial?

Wouldnt holding back be a form of lieing of your own?

Not to change the direction of this discussion, but, you still exist regardless of your level of interaction. Sometimes that is used by those making excuses to say that there are some who must be forcibly brought to interact or on those who are unable to interact at what they consider a sufficient level. The idea of their autonomy because a question of debate so I am not comfortable with this phrasing.