NT thinking ur struggles are normal for everyone

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NTs don't know how autistic people think and feel about many things, just like autistic people don't know how NTs think and feel about many things. The brains are different. The sensory perceptions are different. The cognition is different.

There is overlap in all these areas, but the minds are verry merry berry different as well.

If an NT person wants to help an autistic person, then the first thing that he or she should do is to admit there are many many many differences, most of which they cannot comprehend without having them eggsplained to them, then listen to the autistic person to find out what some of the specific differences are, then help the autistic person figure out a way to deal with those differences. This is the opposite of what most NTs naturally do. Most NTs naturally impose their own theory of mind and their own thoughts and feelings onto other people as the ones that other people should have, then judge the thoughts and feelings of other people as abnormal, unhealthy, and incorrect if those are different from theirs, then try to "help" other people by changing their thoughts and feelings into ones that are the same as theirs, the normal, healthy, correct ones that they have and think that everyone should have. The case in point is already in this thread.

To relate or help someone is to listen and understand without saying much, then think it over without saying much, then figure out a way to actually help based on what the other person is going through and thinking and feeling. To harm is to make assumptions, impose your mind onto others, project yourself onto others, make others change to fit you, all without listening and understanding what others are really saying because you are too busy doing all these other things, like the case in the point didn't even bother to read the Facebook post, even though the Facebook post is also krap.

If an NT person wants help from me, then I would listen to what they say, and I would try to help them figure out how to deal with their problem, instead of telling them that eberrything would be bester if they just thought my way and did the things that I did. In real life, NTs have many social issues with each other, ones that I don't have, because they are moar socially sensitive, and sometimes, they come to me with their minor social issues that look like overreactions to me, but I know that they are not, because they really have strong feelings in their situations, and I could just tell them to tune their feelings down and be just like me who doesn't have these little social feelings and doesn't overreact so much to these little social slights or embarassments or tensions. That would be ridiculous for me to do to them.

My experience of most NTs/average people is that unless you have something they want they aren't interested in you. So they might want to be your friend if they feel being friends with you will enhance their social status or they might want sex from you or they might want to use some knowledge, skill or resource you have for their own benefit. It's exceedingly rare to meet an NT who wants to just altruistically help you out of the kindness of their heart - the world just doesn't work like that - it all runs on a transactional basis ie what can you do for me if I do this for you?

I agree with you here. It is hard to find people who are truly like that. As a NT I notice people genrally do not talk to me or others unless they need something. But there are a rare amount that really do care and want to help out. It just happens that I have AS friends since my Boyfriend has AS and met through there.

My experience of most NTs/average people is that unless you have something they want they aren't interested in you. So they might want to be your friend if they feel being friends with you will enhance their social status or they might want sex from you or they might want to use some knowledge, skill or resource you have for their own benefit. It's exceedingly rare to meet an NT who wants to just altruistically help you out of the kindness of their heart - the world just doesn't work like that - it all runs on a transactional basis ie what can you do for me if I do this for you?

Exactly - you just happened to come into contact with some people with AS via your boyfriend; I doubt very much whether you would have offered friendship to these people off your own bat as you would not have seen them as being 'normal' enough or that they would enhance your social status; you made friends with them by accident in other words.

My friends are never standard issue NT - they usually have some kind of neuro-diversity as this usually means they are less demanding of conformity to the 'normal' template. I think that as a result I live a far less stressful life than the average NT, for whom life is filled with constant fear of rejection if they don't conform sufficiently so I don't see that most of them can ever really relax and be totally themselves. They are trapped in the endless game of having to be 'normal enough' all the time or risk ejection from their social group. I think I get the best deal to be quite honest as the people I am friends with accept me exactly as I am.

Reminds me of when I was 13 and a shy and awkward kid. Once in class, we had to form our own groups for an English project. The popular kids got together and then I overhead them saying, "We want her (me) in our group because her English is good."

I got invited to join them and I did but none of them socialised with me in the way they socialised with each other. It was just all business. After the project was done, I wasn't friends with them anymore. That incident kind of traumatised me for life. I felt like I wasn't a normal person and was only put on earth to be used by other people.

If I were not right, then why have I helped so many aspies? Once they realized they really were overreacting, they let it go. Now the light sensitivity and other stuff, of course it's different to them. But I still doubt you can feel "more" stress or more "pain" than any other human. Lots of studies and research shows that aspies overreact on small things a lot like OCD. I have read a lot and I have familiarized with a lot since this syndrome interests me. If you keep believing that NT have it easier, then you won't ever get over whatever issues you are going through. I think we all experience emotions the same, some like people with the syndrome just don't know what to do with those emotions and feelings and need guidance here.

Yes, I agree finding friends who like you for who you are is right. I don't have much friends though because I am super shy and it's hard to find real friends rather than fake ones.

Well maybe in the situations you've come across these aspies were over-reacting, but to assume its always a case of overreaction is where I have an issue with it. Not to mention something I struggle with is having a major reaction to something and realising maybe it wasn't such a big deal but if someone was to then tell me I over-reacted I'd feel like they are being condecending because I already knew that and am already frustrated that I couldn't hold back the outburst.

Also I am not suggesting I or anyone else feels more pain or stress....unless its a specific situation like if someone has a scrape on their knee vs. multiple fractures in their leg I imagine the person with multiple fractures would be in more pain. But to carry this analogy a bit further.....someone with messed up pain receptors might experiance the sort of pain the person with the fracture is having from the scrape. So sometimes there can be something faulty that might make things seem more intense than they are in actuality.

Imagine having an issue like screwed up pain receptors that intensify pain.....and instead of people ever offering you understanding they constantly tell you you're over reacting, its no big deal, it doesn't hurt that much, you're just letting it bother you ect. How might you feel?

Also I am not suggesting NTs always have it easier or anything like that....Just that if you don't have a mental disorder like autism its silly to claim that you understand what it's like and have all the same difficulties. Also regardless of who I think has it harder or easier, that has no real effect on any issues I have, regardless of who has it better or worse I still have the same difficulties. Also if we all experianced emotions the same I would think they would effect people the same.......I mean in the sense its the same brain mechanisms for everyone sure, but the actual 'experiance' of having an emotion varies depending on the individual.

Sorry to hear that

I feel the same when I interact with NTs. They hardly ever want to socialise with me but I'm sometimes of use if their relationship breaks down and they want someone to moan about it all to, as their so-called NT friends won't want to be bothered with something as 'boring' as offering support to a depressed person.

I just see it as a good thing if you can help someone and I like listening to other peoples' problems so I don't mind doing it but I'd prefer to be liked for my actual self/personality and not what use I am to someone. I'm not capable of faking a loud, 'zany' (aka f-king annoying) personality though so the average NT barely even registers my existence! I've learned that this is really an advantage though as it means I avoid a lot of dangerous situations, peer pressure and being abandoned if I get depressed!

I really like helping people but sometimes it makes me feel really small because it's like that's all I'm good for. I'm in college now and there's a girl who SMSes me for help with school work, like to email her notes and stuff. But in class she hardly ever talks to me, and she is very sociable with our other classmates.

So I'm left wondering why she asks me for help and not them? I feel a bit used, but every time she SMSes, I jump to help her because I want people to like me.

Wanting to help others is one of the best traits to have and will serve you well in life. The people who are just takers often end up in dire straits as people can often get fed up of them
and end up rejecting them altogether. it's always the best policy to try and help others if you can as you never know what will happen in the future - they might be able to return the favour and if nothing else you might remain on good terms with them, which is far better than making enemies.

I think helping people who deserve it is great so I would do it willingly. But when I help people who don't deserve it, I get an image of them in my mind laughing diabolically with their friends at how they've managed to string me along like a trained puppy.

But I do have a tendency to over anaylse things and be a bit paranoid.

Again, why are people assuming that I think they do not need extra help? Did I ever say that we actually know what they are feeling ,NO! I said we can relate and we only do it to help. No need to keep giving me weird and weird examples. Just reread my posts on what I'm trying to say. I already have said ASpeople need extra help on calming down; but that wasn't my point. In addition, to the other poster, I I don't need to read the whol;e passage period. I newver said people need to do things my way. I said I help people with my advice. No need to be defensive and pardon if I offended you, which I didn't want to come off as. I have already made my basic point up there. I would be annoyed if someone thought they knew exactly what I was going through too, but I never said that's what I do. I said I relate to help calm people down. I don't see why that should be criticised. The only point I made was that we as humans feel the same. That is all. So those example of dealing with situations don't apply to me if you reread my posts on my main point.

hence I'm endlessly disappointed with people.