One-step advice on how to fit-in NTs' society. Don't!

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no this is not the case.. I don't mean this kind of behavior. What this text is about, is the way NTs relate to each other and develop bonds between them.
We, aspies, relate to others differently, we respect, admire, forgive,hate, show our love, in another way. But it is still considered odd by the general population.
Don't forget that clever NTs easily exploit all these differences. For example, I have noticed that "having a common enemy" bonds the members of a group. That's true, and NTs participate in this unconsciously. In this situation, you have to choose sides. If you don't, the others consider it as a treason. Believe me if someone has a problem with another person and comes to tell you about it, if you tell that person that it is wrong to talk about others behind their back, with all the respect you can, than person unconsciously considers you as an enemy and will do this with someone else, and they will be talking about you this time, (they will find any weakness of you if they want). No more good feelings for you now on. There will be a lot of pretending towards you (if you are lucky)
It's obvious, you cannot wear whatever you want, you can't scream on the street, etc.. No, no.. I'm not talking about this stuff..No..
But I ask you if I find myself in the above situation what should I do? because I know this is happening..
NTs' way of fit in is to play the game, and talk about how they don't like this person and afterwards they meet the person and they are smiling and are so good willing towards him. That's disgusting and it's happening all over. Or if I don't play the game I'm out of the bonding game..
That's the rules, and that's the fit in I was talking about..

if you're human you have a fair amount of neurotypical in you.

if you're human you have a fair amount of neurotypical in you.

Every aspie in the world wants to crack the code of social interaction. Everyone seeks a tip. Everyone gives a tip. Some want to be accepted by NTs, some even want to "look like" NTs! I don't understand. Or maybe I understand but let's start from the beginning.

I live and study in Greece where nobody knows about Asperger except of the members of a couple of small groups and the fans of southpark of course! Since I was a child I was trying to understand others' behavior through logical assumptions and experience-based deductions. Now that I became older I finally understood! There is no way to explain human behavior by logic. End of story! No tips , no method, no code.. Social interactions are the most absurd thing there is.. so no "fit in" there for us my friends.

But as a young man, stubborn and fearless I managed to rationalize some aspects of social life. I managed to fit in and I had all the time to observe, test and understand the others' behavior. Why do they do this, why they do that, when they react this way, who reacts this way, under what conditions.. I will tell you what I finally understood after some parts of the puzzle completed and then it's your choice whether you want to play the game or not. But nobody plays a game if they don't like the rules unless they are unaware of the rules. So I don't understand those who want to fit in (because if you don't know the rules yet believe me you are not going to like them.)

So, above all is PRETENDING. Pretending is the basis of human interaction and relationships. That's NT's way of humor and of dealing with everyday situations. They pretend to like their colleagues, they pretend to like you, their boss or anyone else, but underneath that lies the truth. People use to say that aspies and autistic people tend to see the tree and miss the forest, NTs tend to see the forest and miss the tree, but I tell you, everyone misses what's under the tree. And under the tree there is a very complicated and dirty system of alliances between the members of a group. Pretending is a very useful technique in making alliances. They don't make friends, they make allies. Subsequently you will understand why people need alliances.

Another thing I want you to wonder about is why those people are near you, if there are any. I tell you, everyone close to you except your family is GAINING something from you. Their gain is either material, (maybe you have money, maybe they like the rides with your car, your PlayStation, any material gain) or their gain is more intangible and it's about power ( if your status is high, you sing well, you have a cool music group, you are a good hacker, you have a web-TV show about asperger , you are good looking, anything that can be useful to them.. for THEIR status) You may be very clever and you can support them in power issues among the group, whatever..

Do you see how these two are connected? PRETENDING and PERSONAL GAIN? Let me explain, if there is anything that people can gain from you, they'll pretend to like you. That's why there is no pretending for you my "weak" friends and there is a lot of bullying, because they don't gain a lot from you, or they win more than they lose by bullying you. Brain is a powerful weapon that is wired to solve complicated math functions in everyday life and make decisions serving ones' inner desires. Οne of the strongest inner desire of human beings is gain. And pretending is their way of serving this desire. But it is not serving only this desire..

Most males, want power. Power comes from alliances and alliances come from pretending. But why do they want power? Are we watching some kind of action movie or playing some kind of game of thrones? No, it's not a movie, it's what lies beneath the trees and the forest thing. It's real f**** life. Power serves THE most strong human instinct and motive there is, REPRODUCTION. So males adjust to how females choose their partner. Dominant females mate with dominant males who have power, which means a lot of allies which they earn by pretending, and with humor, "bribing" etc.
(Though it is possible for a non-dominant male to mate with a dominant, or non-dominant female but this female will cheat or abandon her partner on her first opportunity of mating with a dominant one. If she does not and prefer to stick with her high values of loyalty she's probably an aspie.. )

You see most NTs don't realize that they are playing this kind of power game, they are not consciously doing this. Their nature and instincts force them to play this awful and unfair game. The rules stink and it's full of lies, deception techniques and they use to say "that's life". No that's YOUR life f****, that's YOUR nature. This is obvious because their genes gave them all the skills they need for this kind of social game. But my genes and your genes don't contain any pretending skills, any social skills, any intuitive understanding of the social hierarchy.. It's simple, WE ARE NOT MEANT TO LIVE THIS WAY.

Because the more I look within myself, the more I acknowledge one powerful natural tendency of mine. The tendency towards TRUTH which is the opposite of pretending. You can't go to the opposite direction because at the end nobody can get away from a theorem that implements on him. Apart from this, if you go against your nature that's when the "psychological problems" start to appear.

So instead of struggling to fit in, try to understand that we are meant to define our own rules which are consequent with our nature and not to play someone's else sh***y game whose rules don't satisfy our existence. A friend had a very nice thought about our difference with the NTs. She believes that we are descendants of prehistoric hunters who needed good observation skills, logic and other traits like loyalty useful to the hunting while they were leaving the rest of the group doing their social and hierarchical stuff. So go out "hunting" and meet new situations, new places and don't compare yourself with NTs and how they live their lives.

FOLLOW YOUR OWN PATH. WE ARE FROM THE SAME TRIBE!

most NTs don't realize that they are playing this kind of power game, they are not consciously doing this

The world we live in is very simple. There are mainly two kinds of views on the world:

"Objective" world-view: The "purpose" of human life is existence and to ensure continual existence of human life.

"Subjective" world-view: The purpose of human life is to find a purpose with it.


One can sum it up this way:

"Human life has no purpose. But the lives of living humans have all kinds of purpose!"

The thing is, life has no purpose in itself. It's just existence and survival. But people have to be convinced it really does have a purpose, otherwise they wouldn't survive as they are supposed to.


That's what is so disabling about autism: autistics desire truth too much. This means they favour the objective world-view described above. But ironically one should not do that according to the objective "purpose" of life. One should live in an illusion. That illusion is to believe your life has all kinds of purpose.


In that sense you can say all healthy human activity is about pretending: pretending that your life has a real purpose! This pretending not only regards human interaction. It regards your life as a whole. Everytime you do something, you do it because of motivation. Motivation comes from thinking there is a purpose with your life. Thinking there is a purpose with your life is a matter of pretending the subjective truth is the objective truth, even though it is not.

Since aspies are often so clever they should just realise and accept this. One thing is realising it, a whole other is actually accepting it. Accepting it is to go against autistic nature and that's why it's difficult to accept the pretending as much as you are supposed to.

To "cure" autism by coping techniques you have to convert the objective truth into the subjective truth. The more you do this, the more mentally healthy you'll be considered, and the less disabled will you be because of autism.

There was a poll on here recently and it turned out that 2 thirds of us are not living independently. Based on that, I can see how the OP is relevant to the big majority of aspies.

However, for the 1/3 of aspies that are breadwinning and surviving only by their own means out there in society, dealing with the work, health, public services systems alone, the "there's no need to fit in" slogan is just a joke.

For example, I have noticed that "having a common enemy" bonds the members of a group. That's true, and NTs participate in this unconsciously. In this situation, you have to choose sides. If you don't, the others consider it as a treason. Believe me if someone has a problem with another person and comes to tell you about it, if you tell that person that it is wrong to talk about others behind their back, with all the respect you can, than person unconsciously considers you as an enemy and will do this with someone else, and they will be talking about you this time, (they will find any weakness of you if they want). No more good feelings for you now on. There will be a lot of pretending towards you (if you are lucky)
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NTs' way of fit in is to play the game, and talk about how they don't like this person and afterwards they meet the person and they are smiling and are so good willing towards him. That's disgusting and it's happening all over. Or if I don't play the game I'm out of the bonding game..