Males:Were you ever threatened with rape/harassment charges?

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Ugh, this pissed me off. No means no. If a woman says no to sex and you keep asking for it until she says yes, that is still rape and that is a way to set yourself up for getting accused of rape. And some men wonder why they are getting sued by the woman? Plus it's also an excuse to rape a woman because "lot of women love to be forced to have sex so they want you to keep asking them."

I really don't like how this is phrased (it reads like you're trying to make excuses for rape) but some women do flirtatiously say 'no' but really mean 'yes'. It's a gentle wind-up, but you have to make sure that you're on the same page and it requires good social skills. You have to work out the difference between when 'no' really does mean 'no' with these kinds of women and when it does not. With those kinds of women, if you walk off when they laughingly say 'no', they'll see it as a rejection. So this situation certainly does exist, but in most cases most rejections are easy to tell by tone of voice, facial expression, body language and so on and so forth.

http://brianbanks.org/

A man who was falsely accused of rape, convicted, and served ten years before the accuser basically told the cops she was lying.

Also, I was told, by another girl, that if I said hi to a girl again in a class back in high school, she would file harassment charges on me. The other girl's ex-boyfriend was in jail at the time, and rumor around school (never confirmed, NOR DENIED) was that she falsely accused him of rape.

It still is next to impossible for me these days to even talk to girls, and most probably think I am very stuck up and a douchebag. Being straight edge definitely does not help matters in that, but that is another issue.

You're likely to lose a few opportunities that way. Most times, 'no' does mean 'no', but there are cases when it's said and not meant. If it is meant, you back off.

Better to lose a few opportunities than to get convicted of a felony.

I know I've pissed off a few women who tried the indirect flirting thing, which I totally missed, then decided I was a cold a**hole when I unintentionally "ignored" them. They definitely hate me and think I'm an a**hole, but it's more that they hate me as a person; there was never anything sexual involved.

Last edited by Tyri0n on 10 Jan 2013, 1:57 am, edited 2 times in total.

And insulting a few women into the bargain.

I get what you're saying, but the most that all of us can do is to try to read the signals and listen to what is said. If a woman says 'no' but is laughing and starting to strip off, do you walk out the room? She's saying one thing jokingly and doing quite another. If you take that to its logical conclusion, you'll end up never having sex because there's literally no way you can tell 100% if someone does consent, unless you record every single encounter you ever have and store it for the rest of your life.

That said, in most circumstances 'no' does mean 'no.'

No, I don't trust myself to "read signals." Anyone who is not direct with me is clearly not willing to accommodate my disability, so I have nothing to do with them. I have had plenty of sex; I either expect women to be the initiators, or I use a dating website. It's pretty easy to tell if they want sex, or not, in most cases.

The reason I don't make mistakes is because i'm not stupid, and I'm aware of my limitations. Anyone who isn't deserves what's coming to them.

She might be getting ready for bed and has a bubbly (I could not think of a better word, despite laughing at how silly the word "bubbly" is) personality. It especially could be trouble if she is drunk. If I ever do end up getting in that situation, I do not think I could ever go through with it unless she is sober. Too many things can go wrong, either in the process or the morning after, and you would be paying for your one night of fun. That could be either for a day, a few days, or the rest of your life if you are really unfortunate.

If you're more or less going home on the understanding that you're going to have sex, it's less ambiguous. Women have sexual desires, too, and men shouldn't treat them as though they are mentally ret*d or these delicate little creatures. I think, in that case, if I was unsure I'd actually ask in a serious tone what was meant. If she was still joking around, I'd say that it wasn't funny and if she started getting snotty I'd look to leave. Life's too short.



What is drunk? A pint of lager drunk by someone who regularly drinks five or six pints a night and shows no effects at all from the drink? I think that if a woman is visibly slurring her words, or is losing her balance or is tired then that's the time to back off. Again, there are lots of grey areas, but also a lot of black and white areas. Raping someone that's passed out isn't the same as sleeping consensually with someone who has had a few drinks with you.



I'd happily sleep with someone after a few drinks, but I wouldn't try to sleep with someone who is clearly feeling the effects of alcohol. It's too dangerous and too much of a minefield. I do rather resent the mindset that the man must shoulder all the responsibility and the woman should take none.

Oh, and by the way - simply regretting sex the morning after (or realising that she's cheated on her boyfriend) does not mean that a woman was raped. If she was paralytic the night before, or she clearly didn't want it at the time, that's different. But if someone didn't want to sleep with me, I'd expect them to tell me or to make it plain in some other way. Don't just go along with it - I'm not a bloody mind reader!

If it's any consolation, the "regret the next morning, therefore rape accusation" is not nearly as common as some people think.

Most of the time all you need is explicitly communication and clear boundaries.

Would that understanding (going home, not in her room) be explicitly stated, or implicitly stated with body language? I have never went out to hang with a girl in my life, date-wise, friend-wise, or otherwise. I am completely clueless in that department.



Once she starts showing signs of acting differently, I would probably back off then, so probably slightly before you would.



I still consider someone who has one or two drinks to be "sober", which is why what I said now and in that quote sounds slightly contradictory. I tend to be ultra-cautious and expect the absolute worst in every scenario. That way, anything that is better than the absolute worst will be seen as an unexpected bonus.

The one main hangup I have is, in a hypothetical situation, a girl could have sober sex, regret it the next morning, feel violated, and report it to the cops as rape. That is kind of what I am afraid of.

I would also want someone to be extremely direct with me, but the one main advantage I have is that no girl has ever wanted to sleep with me or be seen as anything more than a friendly acquaintance, so I have not had to make judgment calls in sex, or even kissing, yet.

thread locked as the OP's oft-quoted post is clearly intended to excuse date rape, and the thread is unapologetically triggering for many members. the OP decided to take a voluntary break which is well advised at this point.

please note there is no evidence of higher rates of sexual offenses or charges for sexual offenses for people with ASDs.