To be brutally honest.

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how do you know that "aspies at large" are looking for a forum, or if they are, that they would want this one in particular?

but... taking it at face value that these straw-aspies exist, perhaps you could start a brand new forum that better suits their needs? it is easier to do that than to change the personality of an existing forum. WrongPlanet has its own character and it can't just be shifted according to a small subset of people's desires.

People have different perspectives. I prefer reading threads about experiences of being bullied, loneliness etc because I can relate to them. WP is the only place where I find messages that I can truly relate to as a person who has had a lot of difficulties in his life. Probably this is the first time in my life when I felt I'm not alone. Many of the threads that I can relate to are rather "negative" ones. If we start watching what we say so that we won't sound negative, then there's no point in coming to WP. After all many of us have been having a tough life. It's natural we tend to want to vent our feelings here because there's nowhere else where we can do that. No one means any negativity towards other members.

Having said that, there have been some (not many) rather hateful-sounding posts, which I thought were just destructive.

Despite what I have said, I do acknowledge that I can sense that the OP's intention is good and even that I can see his idea of how WP can improve.

But realistically the only way to achieve an all-positive WP is to censor what people post or to make it a trend to suppress our negative feelings, which, as I said earlier, would render WP pointless. I think negativity is intrinsic to forums of this kind.

Encouragment of using the "Haven" sub-forum would also work, and I don't think there is a sense that ALL "negative" posts need to be removed or surpressed. If someone was upset and posted inside an existing general topic, that would be a moderator question, and we have a system now that works with that issue. If there is a need for "a shoulder to cry on", we have a sub-forum for that.

I think OP has good intentions, and I think we all need a place to unwind and vent sometimes.

I'm not sure how active the forum would be if we only posted happy things, anyway. I've noticed that the threads that are more positive, things like "do you like to cook?" tend to fizzle. At the same time a political or religious discussion can go to many pages.

Part of that is that people like to argue, share opinions, and really there is no discussion without difference of opinion. A lot of people agreeing with each other is just boring.

Then there are those who are truly upset, troubled, having a rough time, and I would hate to try to turn off their outpouring. Where else can they go? In life, I've found that I have the fewest friends who are happy to see me when I'm at my unhappiest. But I need to express that all the same. For me it's usually more satisfying to journal privately. But some people need more feedback or support, or just acknowledgement that they exist and their problems matter to someone. I get that way sometimes too.

Maybe The Haven or the Members Only Discussion are best for that, but when you're upset it's not always easy to remember to post in those places, or even remember they exist. If someone decides they want their thread moved to one of those places, they might consider asking the moderators. But I wouldn't like to see every discussion that gets at all negative pushed into those places. I'd rather people be free to say what's on their minds. I've been on forums where there's too much moderation, and it gets not fun and too restrictive, and some of those forums just fail. There's a reason this one is so popular and maybe the reason is that people feel very free here to express themselves. When you're someone who's been told you don't fit in or bullied or told not to stim when it relaxes you, it's refreshing to find a place where you're accepted and not censored.

I get discouraged here sometimes, but then I realize I've been spending too much time on politics or religion. Or I notice a lot of angst but realize it's posted by very young people who are having a tough time adjusting. I was pretty miserable at 18 or so myself. So I focus on something else for a while.

The human brain is quite easily manipulated. If one consistently talks about negative things, then it's more difficult to get out of that negative mindset. This much is true.

However, at that point, I would say it's the responsibility of the individuals who frequent this site to judge whether or not their presence here is harming or helping themselves.

So, Stoek, do you think that this forum is a good place for you to be? If not, then it's probably best to take your leave. Otherwise, I'm sure the others would appreciate you not making a judgement call on something they feel is legitimately causing a positive effect in their lives.

It really is that simple.

Too many posts that belong in the haven, or in other possible sub forms, it really is that simple. As I've said numerous times, I'm not against negativity, nor do I even think that much of the word.

My issue is that there is no where to go within the community if one simply wants to avoid it.

On what do you base this claim? Do you know the vast majority of Aspies? Earlier in the thread you referred to having had some PMs with some members who agreed with your view. How does this equate to the vast majority? This site has virtually saved my sanity. Yes there have been members who have annoyed me, yes I've had to stop myself from responding to at least one member who broke the rules by trying to belittle me, (and had I replied I would have made this person know the true meaning of belittlement!) but those types are a very small minority. Overall, the information sharing, shared experiences and new information and realisations I've gained here are invaluable. I was a member on another autism forum, their moderation was unbearable, they were closed-minded and overbearing, and as a friend put it "the thought police". I've never had that problem with moderation here, the moderators are fair and don't intervene unless it really is necessary. Why do you claim there are no other forums for autistics and Aspies? This is blatantly untrue as Googling will prove. Why do you behave as if this is the last chance saloon for Aspies worldwide and they are being let down? Anyone that doesn't like it, I repeat, does not have to join or remain here.

And quite apart from all that, I don't agree that it's overly negative here. It's just a representation of life experiences of Aspies and autistics and others. If that is negative, then that reflects society, not WP.

(PS I expect you have inadvertently flattered Alex no end with implying that this is the only site in existence for Aspies! )

If you want evidence look at the turnover rate

You cant place the burden on that guy

I agree with him.

In general Aspie specific boards are more polite. This is a place of negativity, hate and bile - at times.

Also a lack of compassion at other times.

Someone recently posted in the haven, they are 19 and very unwell - a grand total of 4 people offered some response to this person.

The usual response to this type of thing is evasion of improvement.

Where can you find out the turnover rate? Even if there is a high turnover though, this doesn't tell you why.

Although it's sad if a desperate person needs support and doesn't find enough of it here, perhaps others didn't know how to respond (after all they are Aspies!), didn't know what solutions could be offered, or if as you say there is a high turnover rate, perhaps barely any people are using the forum to respond. Or perhaps many that are, are so in need themselves that they are unable to help others in their own state of mind.

Anyone (and it is a minority in my experience) that comes across as hateful, I ignore. It just seems conclusions are being jumped to here. I am very sensitive to criticisms and negativity and even I don't notice the level that is being claimed.

There are up sides and down sides to every forum. WP may seem negative but it is also a forum that allows a lot of leeway for people to express themselves. So far WP is the only forum of it's kind (in my personal experience) that has not threatened to ban me for talking about marijuana as a treatment for various conditions. If I have to choose between negativity or restriction of expression I think I'll take the negativity.

We all have choices, if WP isn't the right fit for you there are other forums that might be more your style.

Build immunity and mutate the virus

Last edited by Surfman on 22 Jan 2013, 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Very well put, and it seems true. Yet i think regardless what site forum we are on, there will always be those who seek out attention or troll it seems to be in the nature of humans and the internet being another tool they can use to get their needs met. If negativity and complaining, attentioning (thus feeling sorry) so it may come down to they either want attention. Or maybe they really need somebody to talk to.
I appreciate honesty.

The best thing we can do with those who seek attention negativity is ignore them. If they realize they aren't getting attention, they'll move on elsewhere.

The site owners are responsible for the broad negativity.... not some minor troll who only posts their pain.
Excusing profits over people whilst admonishing those in pain for complaining or attentioning, is kinda wrong


Networks broadcast their owners intent
hello Autism Speaks
And such a fine conditioning vehicle it is
Just look at the spree shooters spawned of late.....
Degenerate spawn from wealthy families [too money focused] doing little for autistic offspring
And wealthy autism charities doing little for its members
But serving big business over people what would you expect??

Too much focus on short term profit will infect the DNA of this site and spread disease [dis ease] to others within
Welcome to hell b*****s

This is another thing i've noticed that i mentioned in another thread in this forum, however Aunt worded the best way better than i did with a mess of words.

A lot seem to brag about their intelligence levels and IQs.
It's possible not everyone is a genius, some might be below normal or normal IQs, what if someone felt left out?
I would rather include everyone as a whole, than seperate them by IQs

Stoek, i hear you and agree on this one. Passerbys may not take the site seriously if they see childish titled threads,etc. I am being brutally honest here as well. I believe in honestly lest we all live in some messed up state of denial. I would take honesty anyday.

I as well am not singling out anyone, just stating that i have noticed exactly what Stoek is saying and i understand he means well for the site.
Maybe sometimes people forget about the other forums such as Haven, or the sub category forums, i don't know....

Yet its kind of like making a first impression. The passer by that come here may be doing so if they need help with dealing with their own diagnosis, or even their childrens'. Frankly i don't see a lot of parents come here for advice however i may have missed some of them.

Saying there are childish threads, could be insulting the intelligence of genuine members.

Who says that negative does not equal honest?

Parents seeking advice are probably on the parents sub-forum.