Are You Female And Get Constant Unwelcomed Stalkers?

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Expect different reactions. The fact that I attend a science club (hypothetical) and will only eventually mate to a collegue or someone in the science family, is not going to change my response. A man has just used my 'safety spot' for bootycall.

1. Trying to introduce myself to girls-its a science club, not a singles bar-that is where the repelling factor stems-that and that you've taken away her right to 'choose' when she is 'set upon'
-2
you lose before you begin.

2. Initially a stranger-repelled by me
-science or bootycall what are you here for.

IF you first by action, feeling, behavior, or words say BOOTYCALL. There is no backtrackking-you've lost. You would have to be AMAZINGLY talented to undig where you sit in the minds of the onlookers.

I don't see how its going to work for you. You stated "to meet girls"

and that ends it for me right there.

Not to "meet me" oh no. It is to "meet girl"
It is a very insulting thing to say. Women don't attend science class to "meet boys" therefore you are already talking to a different page, walking to a different drum, barking up some other tree-speak some forieng language. Would you be surprised to be treated as a forienger?

detrimental mistake-all take note. wanna meet girls go to a meeting girls place-not school.
certainly not something professional.

None of this was meant as anything other than a safe hypothetical question to a hypothetical answer. It is a response to the question. Not to the person. It does not indicate an opinion towards the person. And should not be taking as such. As the person did not ask said hypothetical question in real personal format. And can be completely ignored as said question was not asked to current responder. (being silly)

wow... how old were you? did you call the police. did anyone believe you? did anyone else get taken that they know of?

They don't know. Like friends do to avoid the pain themselves, they likely sent to as test pilot. Did they meet each other that way?

A stranger-we are not repelled by strangers. strangers are cool and facinating. Hoochy lookers (I'm overemphasising the likely well meant intention) are ANY THING BUT STRANGERS. If you are on bootycall, believe me, you ain't no stranger. That's recognition and fear-not repulsion. I say get the topic out of the way as soon as possible to not bog down others with emotions by all rights they shouldn't have to deal with at school-and then get learning. Hey! Would you like to club? or something like that. Numbers are not an indicator of attraction as we really do believe the lie that it is about studies.

Biostructure,

I think you need to view it this way. If you go to a science club meeting (or any other meeting) you should only attend from the standpoint of going in order to chat and connect with other people who are interested in the same topic. Just getting out and socializing, having some good times with like minded people. You might make a number of male and female friends, maybe by a twist of fate one of those ladies will want to get to know you better. Just don't look at meetings or any and every social event as means to get laid. I think too many guys look at things from a start to finish viewpoint. They are looking out for the end result FIRST instead of just letting life take its course. Women do pick up quickly what men are after and when men are trying to rush things along.

What the guy in the story did wrong was viewing things from that perspective and then not taking no means no hints.

I keep noticing constantly on WP that it seems like a trend that a number (notice I did not say all) AS guys only want to bother with leaving their room in order to acquire a girlfriend or just simply get laid. It would do everyone good to make new friends, both male and female, when you are so terribly lonely. Form Aspergers support groups in your town. Don't just be in the predator mode always after THE WOMAN. Notice guys I'm trying to help you, not criticize.

Huh? Did who meet? Who is trying to avoid pain? I don't get what you're trying to get here.



You need to be clearer here. I think part of the problem is that some of your slang is unfamiliar, maybe because you're from somewhere else. What's a "hoochy looker"--I can't even find that phrase on Urban Dictionary, the place I can always manage to find slang from elsewhere.

You say that the girls' reaction to that guy is fear, not repulsion because he's a stranger and not part of their group--then what did the guy in the sci-fi club do (beside acting like a typical horny young man) for everyone to be afraid of him?

And to "not bog down others with emotions by all rights they shouldn't have to deal with at school"--do you mean to imply that just because girls are attending a social event on a college campus (or even a class for that matter), they have a right not to have to deal with the fact that guys will be sexually attracted to them? If so, that is the stupidest piece of politically correct feminist BS I have heard on this message board (where it seems that in general the comments made on here are quite reasonable and understandable).

Keep in mind, when you reply to my messages, that I have no experience with the dating scene (I've never been on a date) and can intuitively understand neither how I come across to the opposite sex nor whether a member of the opposite sex is interested in me.

Last edited by biostructure on 26 Jan 2007, 2:46 am, edited 1 time in total.

I pseudo-stalked someone once. I had a romantic interest in 12th grade, which had lasted a year before. I was given the responsibility of alphabetically sorting the schedule cards for all the Grade 12 students. I saw my romantic interest's information and wrote it down so I knew what classes he was in, and so I could see him around more. I didn't harm him though, and we ended up dating for two months. Is that stalking?

Well, maybe it is, but it isn't a bad thing. I would like a girl to do that with me! I think the attitude of being upset at people pursuing you too much is almost exclusively a guy thing.

What if we want girls who also have a "start to finish" viewpoint and will also be looking for guys? Would our only hope of finding those be in a bar?

While I do spend a lot of time in my room, I do try to make friends with guys I meet in classes, dorms, etc. all the time, and have made quite some friends. Maybe I don't have as many as the average college student, and unfortunately since they're busy I don't see them as much as I'd like, but it's not like I am totally averse to meeting people.

The difficulty here is that, as I explained in my first post on this thread, I don't meet many of the type of girls I'm interested in through the groups of people I normally socialize with. This has to do with the fact that most of my friends are in the sciences, and their friends are also biased toward those in the sciences, so there is this sort of "bubble" around me filled with that kind of people. While this is good for running into new people who share my interests in these subjects (of which, as I say, I have a lot), it is unfortunately not good for finding girls who have very different interests.

In order to meet these girls, I would have to go to a club about something that I am personally less interested in, but which the type of girls I am interested in meeting would like to attend in greater numbers. These girls would not be present in the types of groups I hang out in to talk about what I'm interested in, and so in my normal social life we would never cross paths (particularly since I no longer live in dorms). Since I would be going out of my usual social circle to look for girls, I would want to do it in as efficient a manner as possible, hence the "start to finish" viewpoint.

If you have any suggestions of how to better accomplish the same thing, I'd be VERY glad to hear them! The best would be if I could somehow "leverage" the notoriety I already have among certain groups. Once, as I was standing in a hallway of a chemistry building on campus, of five people in a row I had never met before, four knew me by name! I'm obviously a semi-celebrity in the department, and if I could somehow use that fame to get introduced to some girls in other departments, that might really help me.

Hi Biostructure, I've glanced the other replys to your post, and they contain some very good advice, so i'm sorry if what I say here sounds a bit repetative. I think the fact you're willing to put in the effort to investigate this, and not fall into the "why me, it's not fair" attitude, or blame women in general, is great, and I really hope your efforts are rewarded. I think the best bit of advice you can get here is this: Don't go out to meet women. Go out to meet people. An interesting, intelligent guy who comes along and is friendly to both men and women won't be perceived as "looking for a shag" and therefore, ironically, is more likely to get one. The creepiest thing for a woman is to have the sole, unshakable attention of a man who she knows views her as nothing more than a piece of meat. I don't know what the equivalent for a man would be- dropping the soap in a prison shower? It's a pretty primal reaction. Women who are confident and good at dealing with people will soon shrug off the creep. Women who aren't will be terrified. If you approach women as part of a mixed group, joining in the general conversation and not immediately singling them out for your undivided attention (or staring constantly at their bodies), you're highly unlikely to trigger this response.

Another thing I'd like to add is that I think that men with AS get very put off and frustrated with their lack of girlfriends, but what they don't realise is that most of what they're missing out on are the sort term "flings" that most people enjoy really just for a bit of sex and excitement. Long term relationships are very different. I'm not saying that you shouldn't have any wish for short term flings- I'm sorry I can't really give you much advice on how to get them, but I'm sure the social rules and "scripts" can be mastered- I do know an AS man-whore! I think his trick is that he's a confident goth who appears slightly dangerous but actually treats his friends (many of whom are female) and the women he goes out with well. This isn't a formula, I think different people use dufferent strategies. For women the opposite is true- they get pestered, and it's easy for women with AS to get into short term relationships, where they're often taken advantage of. As for long-term relationships, men with AS who are reasonably sociable often come across as kind, gentle and intelligent- all excellent characteristics for a potential partner!

If the girls in science don't interest you, why not try going to a new club or starting a new hobby? Is there something in your life apart from science you find pleasurable or interesting? Food? film? science fiction? a foreign language or culture? a relaxation technique (yoga, pilates etc)?, a sport? You could try joining a related club or society. These places will contain people from a very different set to yourself, and as long as you appear genuinely interested and don't appear to be outright hostile (for example, if the resident new-ager in the yoga class offers you a session of reiki or crystal healing, view it as an opportunity to let her get to know you rather than as a load of new age claptrap- she (or her friend) may actually be really nice) you'll appear as "exotic" to them as they do to you and this may work strongly in your favour. Another added bonus is that your AS symptoms are more likely to be overlooked, as to these people you'll just appear to be at worse a stereotypical intellectual, and to some your mannerisms may make you stand out in a good way. Also, don't get put off if you don't enjoy the first thing you try- just give something else a few sessions.

I'd be interested if anyone's got any comment on the strategies mentioned above- I'm only commenting on things I've tried and have had reasonable sucess with when trying to make friends. It would be good to get some more perspectives. Biostructure, I hope you find what you're looking for, Good luck!

In western culture, the bar is the primary place where this behaviour is acceptable, but I've seen it happen when people are on holiday as well. Anyone observed it elsewhere?



It's not a very efficient process . But on the upside there are other benefits like an increased circle of friends and the possibility of discovering a new interest. I find that if I try to find a small aspect of something that's interesting, or relate the thing to something that interests me, I can get more "into" it, even if it's outwith my usual range of interests. Could this work for you?



I don't know how you could use your noteriety, but the fact you've got it shows that you're considered quite interesting. If you've got a reasonably close NT friend, maybe you could ask him to be your "spotter"- get him to discreetly observe the females interacting with you and tell you if any of them are interested. There could be one or two suitable for a short term fling, or maybe one that gets a bit more interesting once you get to know her. What you're looking for could already be lurking in your own backyard.

I hope that was helpful.

[quote="biostructure"][quote="SeaBright"]
And to "not bog down others with emotions by all rights they shouldn't have to deal with at school"--do you mean to imply that just because girls are attending a social event on a college campus (or even a class for that matter), they have a right not to have to deal with the fact that guys will be sexually attracted to them? If so, that is the stupidest piece of politically correct feminist BS I have heard on this message board (where it seems that in general the comments made on here are quite reasonable and understandable).[quote]

I think what SeaBright was trying to say is that girls want guys to treat them like people, first and foremost. There's nothing wrong with people being sexually attracted to each other, and a girl would have to be very thin-skinned if she couldn't deal with the fact a guy liked her. The guy, however, has to make sure that how he expresses his attraction is appropriate. Smiling and chatting to someone on campus, or buying them a drink in the pub: great. Leering at them and asking them out again and again and again as if they'll cave in if you pester them enough (what the guy at the scifi soc was doing): awful. Same applies if a girl likes a guy.

no, that's just a gross misdemeanor or violation of privacy rights, confidentiality, edicit, administrative duties, or something.

Turned out all right though!

I had a former sex harrasser move into my apartments and try to pick up where he left off.

Biostructure,

I am not a feminist. I feel I have a right to not be pursued.

A. I meant NO offense. I'm sorry to have caused you some.
B. I did NOT realize you have never been on a date.
C. Having a person who is attending an event sexually attracted to YOU/ME and having a person specifically attend that event in the hopes of finding a sexual attraction are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

Is there someone in particular you are attracted to?

Me too.
In the 7th grade I used to walk behind a certain someone who was on my same walking path home. I never followed him home at his turnoff, but I was absolutely fascinated by his face, name, and general demeanor. We never spoke.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/modules.php? ... ic&t=20753

DataSage is writing a how to date for Aspie males.
If the link doesn't work it is in the Love and Dating thread.

I'll be reading it. I'm sure it can help me too for in another 10 years I will feel like mating.

If a male did this he would be in big trouble with the Head... seriously, it would be classed as stalking or been obsessed over someone, you value that but I bet you would attack a male doing that... Know you will just attack this saying it’s bs and all that but read your past posts… And nice advice you gave to bio, that just shows you only want when you want does not work like that, its like people in the media trying to say I don't want media but I want you when its benificial to me... Not attacking you by the way just picking up on it...