What do you do when people put their hand on your shoulder?

Page 4 of 5 [ 77 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

MarthaCannary
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 329
Location: Unicomplex

18 Feb 2014, 12:38 am

I agree with the priest on this one. (Never thought I would agree with a priest, but there it is)

Touches to me do not feel like touches do for you.

Do not touch me without asking if I do not know you.

I do not care one ounce if you think you "know" me, you do not. Trust me on this.

I do not care if you think you are some kind of "authority" on/of anything, DO NOT TOUCH ME. Unless I have done something against the law, which does not happen so yeah, DO NOT TOUCH ME.

My 80 year old grandma is not even allowed to go touching/hugging me all willy-nilly. She still to this day will give me a heads up first.

My hubby, who has more patience than anyone I know, still after 14 years together gets chewed out when he sneak attacks me... he always says "excuse me" when he needs to get by instead of touching me (some people do not understand that) he always says "hug" before he gives me one or "kiss" before a kiss. Unless he is being playful and trying to rile me up.... :roll:

These people that get all handsy, invading others personal space, they have no control of themselves and were obviously raised poorly.

They think they are playing some body language game, I call it assault.

I have seen people, picking their noses, eating it, then go and greet someone by shaking hands.... people are soooo gross. They pick and pop and squeeze and ooze and poke and prod and scratch... THEN they want to be all "social" with you...

BLARGH!!

Stay out of my personal space and keep your sticky/greasy/dirty/nasty hands to yourself.


_________________
"Curse your sudden yet inevitable betrayal"


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 121,283
Location: In my own little country

18 Feb 2014, 11:13 am

I enjoy the moment because I need that human touch.


_________________
The Family Schlager


mr_bigmouth_502
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 7,028
Location: Alberta, Canada

05 Mar 2014, 1:38 am

I am *extremely* sensitive to being touched unexpectedly, especially if it's my shoulder or back or neck, and whenever it happens I usually jump and shout something along the lines of "HEY, WHAT THE f**k?!? DON'T TOUCH ME!! !" To me, being tapped on the shoulder when I don't expect it is almost as bad as being punched in the face.



matt
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 921

05 Mar 2014, 4:00 pm

If done without notice, I will almost definitely involuntarily jump away from them and/or knock their hand away.

If I have time to prepare, my body tenses up, but I want to scream at them to not touch me.



LifUlfur
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 547
Location: London

05 Mar 2014, 5:07 pm

Either scream or attack them.


_________________
Welcome to the inside of your head. It's kind of empty in here.
Ma-Ma is not the law. I am the law.


SherlockTheUnicorn
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 14 Aug 2013
Age: 1932
Gender: Female
Posts: 28

05 Mar 2014, 5:14 pm

I hate it, I hate it when people hug me, I hate it when people nudge me on the arm, but I just grit my teeth and wait for it to stop. I know they're not doing it to annoy me and so I don't want to annoy them back by telling them not to touch me. The people that know me don't really do it anyway.



AlanMooresBeard
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 456
Location: London, UK

05 Mar 2014, 6:53 pm

I don't mind too much if people touch my shoulder or arm when talking to me. If they do it when I have my back to them or standing sideways from them, I might involuntarily jump due to the unexpectedness of it but that's fairly rare.



inachildsmind
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 13 Feb 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 212

05 Mar 2014, 11:17 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
I actually don't like it but I'd be inclined to say nothing especially if I think the person doing it means well. I wouldn't want to start a fuss over something minor like that. By the same token, I've never had anyone put their hand on my shoulder while talking down to me. That would be too insulting and I'd have to stand up for myself.


This is generally how I am too.

Example 1: Dentist apologized for the bright lights in my eyes, when she left the room to get me glasses she touched my shoulder and said she would be right back with glasses, After she left I kinda brushed the spot off with my hand (as if she left something their lol) and then I was ok. I did not like it but she was being kind.

Example 2: My mom and I were talking about something my sister did that was very disrespectful in my house. Now in my moms eyes my younger sister (who I suspect is a highly intellegant aspie) can do NO wrong. She went to say something for me to look at her, she put her hands on my shoulders and I instantly went into flight or fight mode and then flipped out on my mom.

It all depends on the situation and how threatened I feel, but mostly I just mumble inside my head, shrug it off, and hope they do not do it again.



Al725
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2012
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 271

09 Mar 2014, 5:06 am

I don't mind if it's a woman but a guy doing it agitates me as it is usually some unscrupulous type that's demanding my attention due to his self percieved toughness and self entitlement to some type of service or knowledge that requires my imeadiate attention!



TheMighty_Moo
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 18 Feb 2014
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 318
Location: Chillin' in Turkey

09 Mar 2014, 7:08 am

Well, people don't actually do it ['Cause they know it kind of bothers me] so I can't say I'm having problems with people touching my shoulder a lot. But if they DO, then, well, my reaction depends on how much I like them. If I really like that certain person then I don't need to do anything because I find it soothing for those type of people to initiate physical contact. Do I like it when others do that? Well, not so much.
Letting them know I don't like physical contact so much or making this face :? works the best for me.


_________________
"Shirahoshi: "But if you're a pirate, Luffy... Then aren't you a bad person?"
Luffy: "... Hm? ... Mmmm... I dunno, that's up to you to decide."
----
Moo approves!


Sashiku
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 8 Mar 2014
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 72
Location: Kansas United States

09 Mar 2014, 11:58 am

I pretty much try to ignore it, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel. I try hard to fit in beause I;ve been taught to. Oddly enough, Hugs don't bother me the way random touching does. Probably because I grew up getting 3 hugs a day.



palladium
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 5 Mar 2014
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 29

09 Mar 2014, 1:12 pm

If it is any help, not all NTs are comfortable with it (I'm NT and I'm not!) I'm personally able to just ignore it and not react, but if someone is doing it repeatedly and it really bothers you then I'd probably just say something like "I'm sorry but I have a medical condition which makes it extremely uncomfortable for me to be touched by other people. Please could you try to avoid doing that?" They might think it is a bit strange, but NTs are unlikely to question "medical conditions" as it sounds like a personal thing and if they press for details you can always say "I'd prefer not to say".



LifUlfur
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 547
Location: London

09 Mar 2014, 1:16 pm

TheMighty_Moo wrote:
Well, people don't actually do it ['Cause they know it kind of bothers me] so I can't say I'm having problems with people touching my shoulder a lot. But if they DO, then, well, my reaction depends on how much I like them. If I really like that certain person then I don't need to do anything because I find it soothing for those type of people to initiate physical contact. Do I like it when others do that? Well, not so much.
Letting them know I don't like physical contact so much or making this face :? works the best for me.


You must have a VERY flexible face :P
how do you do it?
or is it just a general irritated expression.


_________________
Welcome to the inside of your head. It's kind of empty in here.
Ma-Ma is not the law. I am the law.


KinkyKlown
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 11 Jul 2017
Gender: Male
Posts: 1
Location: Florida

11 Jul 2017, 3:54 pm

NEVER ever do that to native people ... anywhere!! !! !! !! !! !
In general people who do it are being condescending ASS HOLES ! !!



C2V
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Apr 2015
Posts: 2,666

13 Jul 2017, 5:46 am

I would probably flinch, immediately move away, tell them not to do that again and then be mistrustful and edgy in their company forever.
Do. Not. Touch. Me. :evil:
I agree with the necro posts that claim touch for some autistic people is not like touch is to neurotypical people. To me being touched often feels like being crushed. It's incredibly invasive and uncomfortable.
I even saw a badge that had a stop sign on it, with I am autistic, please don't touch me on it, that's how common it is for this to be uncool.


_________________
Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.


248RPA
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,021
Location: beyond the Wall

13 Jul 2017, 7:21 am

I get their hand off as quickly as possible. It happens before I can think about if it's nice or not. For me, it feels intensely ticklish, instead of like being crushed like in a hug.

Even though I don't like other people touching me, I sometimes have a problem of compulsively poking other people (though I do it less now). I guess that balances out.


_________________
Life ... that's what leaves the mess. Mad people everywhere.