How I was able to cope with my Aspergers and find a wife.

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I have enjoyed our conversation, but I feel like there is no use for me to keep at it much more.

Everything I've learned is strictly logic based. I learned to notice every small thing that people do and do it out of habit now. I feel like I can understand people, what they want, and their motives, better then any NT thinker could (possibly arrogance, but I'm very confident in my abilities). There are clues that can be found in so many parts of communication and I made it my obsession to know all of them (of course there is always more to learn). I'm realizing now that just because other people have Aspergers that doesn't mean that they have learned the same skills, or see the same way as I did. I could potentially be at fault for not knowing how to phrase what I know, but either way, this conversation should end, and this thread should be deleted. Only because I am sharing how to use learned skills that apparently are unique to me.

I want a gal whose sacred is fun and whose fun is sacred.

Fortunately the woman who became Mrs Adamantium looked at things the same way.
We have only been living together for abou three decades and married for most of that, so my experience in these things is very limited.

Still, I don't think this female ops manual would have been much help to me.

I do recall listening to "Gang of Four" singing "I found that essence rare- -it's what I look for" and somehow knowing that those words were a good description of how I felt about her and letting myself trust that she felt the same way about me.

I knew she was ready to spend time with me and have fun with me despite me being me and that in itself was pretty awesome.

This thread is just awful. It's terrible that nobody has pointed out the blatant misogyny or patriarchy on display here. Women can be categorized? Good women are the ones who blame themselves, treat sex as sacred, and are religious without questioning their religion? So it sounds like you want a girl that doesn't ask questions or speak up for themselves.

Now, I don't doubt you will respond with me missing the point, or not understanding bias, or defending the website as a psychological tool...to that I have a simple question: Does the website similarly categorize men and help to understand their innermost thoughts and beliefs based on the presence of observable actions? What should we look out for in men who smoke or blame others? What does the website tell us about a man that claims to be religious but speaks out against his religion?

It is fantastic that you believe some website helped you find a wife. I do not want to denigrate that. I would just point out that if you would like to categorize people based on observable traits, you should not act particularly surprised when people categorize you based on observable traits.

Not sure I agree. I met my husband when I was not looking to date anyone. Just at a party. My husband was not looking to find anyone either. We just started talking when in a group with the host of the party and when the host left we kept talking. After an hour or so I realized that we were connecting in a way rare for me. If he had come on strong from the moment we met I would have ignored him like the other guys I had already ignored.

It's perfectly OK to categorize anything. Saying something should t be categorized is only saying that it has too much emotional/moral meaning and generally isn't something people would do. The fact is though that you can take something from anything, I'd love for people to categorize me, but only if it's done right. As I said before men and women work differently, I understood men, because I am one, I needed a website for females and it's easy to see the black and white differences between the two sexes. What is funny to me is that I was not the one who said what I preferred girls to do, that was you when you referred to a catagory as "good girls" to me there is no bad type of girl, and I understand that each types has their own benefitsaand cons. I said that most girls who are religious blame themselves, I don't see how that is offensive if it is a fact.

I guess what I'm meaning to say is, just because it isn't considered socially acceptable to categorize, and almost morally wrong (to some people) ,but it doesn't take away the fact that the information is still correct and that it's a very possible thing to do. I'm sorry you don't like the answers that you hear, but they are social facts for today's society.

The thing is, though, I'm pretty sure most people here have spoken to a woman before. Some of us even are women.

My old mind is boggled by this nonsense. It's not that we on the spectrum don't understand how to talk to women. The problem is that we aren't interested in other people's lives. No website is going to teach me how to be interested and interesting in other people's lives and their on going sagas. No website is going to make me not a prickly person, who is self absorbed, and driven by my own boring interests.

You lie!

I got a little bit stuck way back during the tattoo discussion. I was 55 when I received my first tattoo. Does that mean that I was a decent woman for most of my life, and then, after I was a long time granny, I threw abandon to the wind and suddenly became sleazy?

One of my cousin's tattoos is a black panther, in her back, it looks very cool.

you can't call something a fact unless you have actual evidence to back it up--and i am speaking of empirical evidence, not anecdotal. where are the peer-reviewed studies with large samples with results that have been repeated in other studies to substantiate your arguments that women and men are so different from each other psychologically and behaviorally? you call yourself logical, yet you assert "facts" without providing any real scientific evidence (again, anecdotal evidence does not prove something to be a fact) to support them and then get upset when people don't see how right you are. this is logic???

another poster said something about the women he had made the most meaningful connections with in his life likely finding this material you are promoting as reductive and insulting. i can say, as a female, i found it to be such.

For most people, sex is both fun and sacred, yes.

Humans are a social species. We pair-bond. Our children are born very immature, and unable to even keep up with us until they are about five years old--but we are able to have another child within a year (three years if Mom breast-feeds as long as she can, as they would've done during most of our evolutionary history). This means that you have one child too young to keep up with you, while you are carrying another child too young to walk. And that means that the female cannot raise the children alone--she needs either family support, or a spouse, or both. Both, preferably--thus, small bands of hunter-gatherers, raising children together.

Why am I talking about this? Well, simply put, the instinct of a person raising a child is to get backup. A single mom or dad may depend on friends or family members, but the ideal person to help you raise a child is the person whose genes the child also shares--your sex partner, the one you made the baby with. That's because that person has that baby's genes, and it is beneficial, evolutionarily speaking, for them to invest their effort in raising a child that shares their genes. To reinforce that, sex has become, to humans, much more than just mating.

Sex triggers an oxytocin rush, facilitating bonding and emotional closeness. And it's fun--pleasurable--because if something is fun, we'll want to do it. Instead of "going into heat" like a cat does and being driven to have sex whether we like it or not, we're prompted by reward: We simply like sex. (Mostly. Some people are asexual. Me, for example.) Pleasure is evolution's way of saying, "Doing this is a good idea." That's why we enjoy eating and sleeping--our brain's telling us, "Hey, that's a beneficial thing to do. Do more of that."

So when we have sex, we get that oxytocin rush, and we want to bond with the person we're having sex with. For that matter, oxytocin facilitates bonding even when we only cuddle or kiss or hug someone, or hold a baby, or pet a cat--oxytocin isn't necessarily a sex thing. Some people aren't even turned on by someone they don't yet have an emotional connection with; for other people, having sex deepens a pre-existing bond. However it happens, this tendency to bond is a good thing, evolutionarily, because it means that we'll have backup when we raise our children--backup that's also invested in those children, because they share genes.

Back to the social factors: Sacred and fun, as far as sex is concerned, are connected. The pleasure makes us want to do it; the bond makes us want to do it with the person we're bonded with. They work together. We're not perfectly monogamous, of course, but that's because we're not being driven completely by predictable instinct and hormonal cycles. Humans are more complex than that--when we love someone, it's more like a choice backed up by emotion, than it is like an irresistible force, especially once the relationship has gotten past the initial passion stage. The hormones and instincts play a big part, but you have to look at them in the social and emotional context we experience them in.

Just wanted to say that no a single tattoo does not just move you and your personality to something entirely different. All it said was that COULD be a sign, ONLY if there are other signs that go along with that as well. I don't know you and what you act like so I wouldn't have any idea what kind of person you are. Also I think a miscommunication that happened was when I separated girls by sex being sacred or fun. Sex being sacred can still be a fun thing! You are a girl and believe that then you are probably more on that sacred side. If it's more of a fun thing with no special meaning but simply there to move a relationship forward, then that's the other side. I'm sure the girls on here can tell how they view sex based on that.

Hopefully that cleared that up.

It's true that nothing will force you to be interested. I've just seen the value of social connection, that with being able to relate and understand people can give you strong advantages in life. I know that doing everything by myself even though it's fun, I know including other people and their unique talents can help me accomplish a whole lot more

True, but what is different is I'm sure that when talking with other women others do not ever look into psychological reasoning. That is something new to many people. I feel like I have theaability to talk with someone guy or girl (I expanded to more general psychology, nothing I talked about here though) and I can tell them their exact personality, strengths, weaknesses, and a whole lot of other stuff, and Igget all that information after only a few minutes of talking to them. They always tell me I was right on everything or almost everything. Maybe it's hard to get my ideas on paper on a forum, but I can say that I've seen it work. I'm surethere aare many gestures and facial expressionsthat you do and ddon't even realize. I see all of those things and know how to decipher all of that information almost instantly after alot of practice.

As a person with an ASD, how do you know?
How do you know that your assessment is correct?
How do you know you are not deluding yourself?

I found some comments on Vin Dicarlo's product over at Reddit:
http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comme ... _or_is_it/

"It's a scam. You can just go and torrent it but its not even worth the time."

I have to say it sounds plausible.