Why is eye contact hard for us?

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I have slightly different problems with eye contact. Knowing that I can only consciously direct my eyes towards one particular focal point, I find eye contact extremely hard because there are (almost) always two eyes to look at. I then start thinking about which eye I should focus on, and I will alternate between the two a couple of times. Then I will try to make a compromise, and I start staring between the eyes, but I'm convinced people perceive that as unnatural.

(In addition, I can only keep my listening from turning into a mere hearing with extreme effort when forcing eye contact; something very similar has been mentioned above.)

Does anyone know if when looking at things casually (or when NTs make eye contact) the focal point is perhaps more dispersed, allowing NTs to look people "into the (i.e. both) eyes" without really focusing on either eye?

Is anyone experiencing similar problems?

Looking at people in the eyes makes me feel anxious

Worst thing is it takes my attention away from listening to what another person is saying and thus I miss some things and look stupid. Even if I am not making eye contact I am aware that I am not and that takes my attention away from what the other person is saying. I think if there is one bad thing about my diagnosis this is it. Prior to my I was blissfully unaware I was not making eye contact or that it is considered so crucial.

I can't think while making eye contact, it makes it hard to listen and even harder to respond. I can fool people into thinking I'm making eye contact though, I just look at the bridge of their nose between their eyes (I still have to look away to respond though). I've noticed that my natural tendency is to look at their mouth, probably because it helps me understand what they are saying.

I don't seem to be able to process what someone is saying if I'm looking at their eyes. Aside from that, I just find it very intimidating for some reason.

Thanks all for writing here.
I've forced my son to make eye contact with me a few times, while reprimanding him. He'd been throwing stones around, people could have got hurt, so it was pretty important to get the message across to him that that's not ok. Not knowing any better, I thought looking elsewhere meant he's not listening, so I grabbed his head and turned it in the "right" direction.
Not gonna do that again!

I find it to be uncomfortable, not sure why really...I am better at it with people I get to know well however.

Eye contact always has been hard for me for some reason I feel really uncomfortable looking people in the eye and sometimes even struggle with it with people im related to as well.

I was in my mid 20's before I routinely made eye contact - I was probably in my mid 30's before I got the custom down pat. I was always uncertain between proper eye contact and staring. I recall being accused of staring sometimes when I was young and that hurt me very much. I really can't explain why I had a problem with it and how I managed to somehow find the right balance. But, I suppose by mid to late 30's I did. I wish I could explain how an why. But, I can't.