What is that "link" between people

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It didn't go well?

But, what is the magic happening during that time that creates a successful relationship?
And what is a successful relationship?
Also, is it possible to create a successful relationship if you don’t “need” the other person?

(if too many questions, just choose one or zero, sorry, just trying to understand it all… )

Sorry, sir....didn't meant to make light of a tradition. That wasn't my intention.

I'm sorry your relationship didn't go well.

viewtopic.php?t=154023&start=30#p6896956

To me, in a successful love relationship, one should have:

1. Common interests
2. A physical attraction to each other
3. A similar life-philosophy
4. A desire to be with the other person even if you're mad at each other
5. A desire to share the other person's interests
6. Enough love so that you would take care of that person should that person be sick.

That's pretty basic. It's more than that---but it's mostly that, in my opinion.

That's how I expect I will feel when someone I truly love is gone from my life.

#6 is a big one, Mr. K. I have seen some pretty depressing things in marriages when one of the two gets sick to the point of death. A prolonged death or sickness isn't pretty and that is when you really find out who a person is and if they are in it for the long haul.

I had a question to Aspies about #5. I was having a conversation on another site with some Aspies and they said that if they were not interested in the other person's interests then they weren't going to go out of their way "acting" like they were. Is this true?

Of course, I was trying to explain how important it is for a couple to do things together and if my "Hunny" had an interest (I don't mean things like swinging,etc) that I had never tried before, I would try to find something about the interest to be "interested" about because it is something that my "Hunny" loved doing - an example would be like coin collecting. One of my Aspie friends liked coin collecting so I tried to also engage him in his interest even if it wasn't something that I was just jumping up and down about. You know what I mean? My other Aspie friend liked boxing (definitely not a girly sport) and I wanted to make it exciting between us by watching a match and betting against each other on who would win. You have to be interested in the other person's interests.

LaetiBlabla - I'm in the same boat as you, pretty much. I've been asking these questions of lots of people, trying to figure out what a "relationship" is. Someone else who was aromantic thought it was just being friends with sex attached. Apparently it's not. There's some other "connection" of the sort you're describing, which is a mystical thing to me. I just can't get it (or at least, haven't so far). I can talk to people about personal content and they me, but there is just - nothing. We're just exchanging information, which is the way I usually operate. Information gathering to out into action. I'd like to have these connections with people but I don't know what it is or how it's done.
I'm capable of having interest (not just sexually, but generally) in another person and interested in talking to them and learning about their ideas and how they live their lives, but I don't think that qualities for this connection either.
If the connection is indeed some kind of love I for one am in trouble - what even is that? Can someone learn to do this?

I personally sometimes do things with others and i am curious about their personal interests, i ask questions.
But i don't feel it exciting, i don't feel any link. A bit like you say, i'm acting social, kind of like most aspies willing to be minimum socially integrated, i think.

On the other hand, when some NT pretends he/she is interested in my interests without any knowledge or - real - interest in the matter, just trying to create a link, I quickly see it and i don't understand the purpose, then, i feel awkward.

Agreed on the awkward!!

It sounds kind of bad, but yeah...acting like you are is an act and is tiring and draining. Kind of like eye contact..it takes active, conscious effort.. Some questions or curiosity, but beyond that...i seek out different people who share my different interests for that reason.

Though, if one is going on about a shared interest but a realm that i don't find enthralling, i will listen/try to engage for a little bit. I figure they do the same for my rambles, and since i value that, i should try to do the same. But in honesty, i wouldn't encourage them to do so to the point of asking about that realm (that sounds so horrible!! !).

Patience, tolerance, understanding, acceptance and later (perhaps), love.

Tolerance and acceptance mainly.

And I'm no NT. I've just learned that!

I understand that those qualities are indeed important in interactions with others.
But even if i am patient, tolerant, understanding, i don't feel any link.

For example, if you would replace all the people around me with others, tomorrow, as soon as they fill in the same function, i wouldn't mind at all (if only i notice it... ). Although i am very well able and i do create very pleasant relationships for people around me.

I wonder if feeling no link is typical to Aspies ? or if it is not related, can also be.