What do People not Understand About You?

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Yigeren
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26 Jan 2016, 2:24 am

C2V wrote:
As one of those people, ironically I am working on being more like you. Maybe we could trade some of our extremes? :) The councillor exhaustively tells me things like "how will you ever have any relationships or connections with others when you refuse to let them know who you are?" And tells me I have to be "vulnerable and open" with people in order for them to like me, or feel as if we have an emotionally based relationship (which, of course, we don't considering I'm largely alexithymic). To the contrary of how you perceive the opinions of others as negative for your openness, I am often told that that openness about your bad sides as well as your good sides is what allows connections to form and is essential for intimacy between people. It shows people you're "human."
What stops me from blurting things out? Well, a lot of the time I'm embarrassed / ashamed of myself for being different or less, and that stops me from mentioning it. I am also mistrustful, and assume others will respond badly (I'm often proven correct here). I am innately private and experience an uncomfortable sensation when exposed, like someone is too close and I am not adequately protected against them. I am increasingly aware of overstepping and giving the impression to others that we are closer than I want us to be or intended to indicate, or can even process being. I am accustomed to being used and manipulated, and generally, the more someone knows about you the more material they have to use and manipulate you. I have also been involved with people who are open about my personal information with others, and I realise they have told people I didn't want to know so much about me everything I have told them.
Paranoia, basically.


I guess that what you are experiencing is really not any better than my experience, just opposite. I should learn to be more mistrustful, while you should learn to be more trusting.

That's unfortunate that others have shared your personal information. I am one of those people that tends to do things like that without thinking :oops: . I have had that problem since I was a kid, and then I would realize when people weren't happy with me that I made a mistake, and then I felt bad. At that point, it's too late. I would never tell someone everything personal about another person, but I have let things slip in the past. Nowadays I'm much more careful, but it's really hard work. As soon as I say something about someone that I know I shouldn't have, I wish I could take it back.

I do wish that you didn't feel that you had to be that way with others. I'm sure being used and manipulated in the past played a large part in it.



Sabreclaw
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26 Jan 2016, 4:53 am

Yigeren wrote:
C2V wrote:
As one of those people, ironically I am working on being more like you. Maybe we could trade some of our extremes? :) The councillor exhaustively tells me things like "how will you ever have any relationships or connections with others when you refuse to let them know who you are?" And tells me I have to be "vulnerable and open" with people in order for them to like me, or feel as if we have an emotionally based relationship (which, of course, we don't considering I'm largely alexithymic). To the contrary of how you perceive the opinions of others as negative for your openness, I am often told that that openness about your bad sides as well as your good sides is what allows connections to form and is essential for intimacy between people. It shows people you're "human."
What stops me from blurting things out? Well, a lot of the time I'm embarrassed / ashamed of myself for being different or less, and that stops me from mentioning it. I am also mistrustful, and assume others will respond badly (I'm often proven correct here). I am innately private and experience an uncomfortable sensation when exposed, like someone is too close and I am not adequately protected against them. I am increasingly aware of overstepping and giving the impression to others that we are closer than I want us to be or intended to indicate, or can even process being. I am accustomed to being used and manipulated, and generally, the more someone knows about you the more material they have to use and manipulate you. I have also been involved with people who are open about my personal information with others, and I realise they have told people I didn't want to know so much about me everything I have told them.
Paranoia, basically.


I guess that what you are experiencing is really not any better than my experience, just opposite. I should learn to be more mistrustful, while you should learn to be more trusting.

That's unfortunate that others have shared your personal information. I am one of those people that tends to do things like that without thinking :oops: . I have had that problem since I was a kid, and then I would realize when people weren't happy with me that I made a mistake, and then I felt bad. At that point, it's too late. I would never tell someone everything personal about another person, but I have let things slip in the past. Nowadays I'm much more careful, but it's really hard work. As soon as I say something about someone that I know I shouldn't have, I wish I could take it back.

I do wish that you didn't feel that you had to be that way with others. I'm sure being used and manipulated in the past played a large part in it.


I feel the same way but have never been manipulated or had any negative experience to trigger these feelings. I'm not quite sure how to explain it but the closer I become to somebody the more powerful my paranoia and urges to disconnect myself become. Or to put it another way, the more I open up the more desperate I become to close down. Can't help it.



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27 Jan 2016, 6:43 am

1. My sensitivity issues.

2. Dislike of physical contact. With people anyway... animals are totally fine. I could sit there and hold a dog or cat for hours.

3. My absolute non-stop anger. I think this throws people off more than anything else. My typical mood can be effectively summed up with this pic:

Image

Combined with my generally dark personality, this is one of the reasons why the name "Misery" got attached to me. I didnt do it on purpose or in any way specifically try to link myself to that name.

The other bit of this though is that people also then dont expect me to be as kind as I am, or with the tendancy to try to help as I do (though this doesnt always go so well and wacky misadventures may ensue). I also tend to be very polite and I dont get into arguements. But still, the anger tends to be obvious. Fortunately friends and family are all extremely accepting people and tend to understand me well enough to not be bothered by it (usually). Though my father can be a bit dense at times and sometimes just doesnt understand when I dont want to interact. I know he means well, but... still. Exasperated sighs are common from me.

4. My ability to know things without being told. NOBODY expects this and some people get a bit suspicious about it. Alot of people get info from body language. But I dont. Instead, my hearing is *extremely* sensitive, and I hear all the things that most people miss. The absolute tiniest vibration or change in someone's voice doesnt escape my notice. As a result, if you're dealing with me, I probably know what you're thinking, and I probably know what you're NOT telling me. I used to use this talent to get jobs; I tended to be a HORRIBLE employee because of my limitations and problems, but if I had a job interview... I would get the job. It was that simple. I knew exactly what the interviewer wanted to hear, and even if the thing they wanted to hear seemed bloody stupid, I'd say it anyway. Despite the fact that I've proven I can do this a thousand times over, if I TELL people I can do this, they look at me like I've got 5 heads and am covered in cats. Most of the time I simply dont tell anyone. It's more useful that way.

5. My special interests. I doubt I have to explain the "why" of this to anyone on here.

6. My tendancy to not give a crap about the norms of society. I'll do as I like, thanks.

7. My general strangeness.

8. My aversion to trying new foods.

9. The fact that I can space out so hard that I can forget what I'm doing while I'm doing it. This leads to things like me not being able to find my 2-foot keychain due to the bit where I am, in fact, holding it. This is as dumb as it sounds.

10. My, uh... hmm. I'll call it gender-related weirdness. I tend to look androgynous and prefer it that way. Why? I havent the foggiest clue. But people can get really strange about it sometimes. There's other things but that's the main part of it.


That's not all the things, but that's a good enough list.



Cazzap
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27 Jan 2016, 1:40 pm

I am at university and when I told one of my flatmates that I was autistic, she very rudely, almost shouted "No, you're not!." I guess one of the most annoying things is that most people don't understand just how hard I am always trying to appear "normal". It's exhausting. Just because I'm not a walking stereotype doesn't mean I'm not struggling internally every day.



zkydz
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27 Jan 2016, 1:49 pm

Cazzap wrote:
I am at university and when I told one of my flatmates that I was autistic, she very rudely, almost shouted "No, you're not!." I guess one of the most annoying things is that most people don't understand just how hard I am always trying to appear "normal". It's exhausting. Just because I'm not a walking stereotype doesn't mean I'm not struggling internally every day.
I read this and was reminded how I was offended the first person said " Shut UP!" with that weird way of saying it that was supposed to not mean something derogatory. Think of the "Princess Diaries." That did happen to me. I was quite offended.

I wonder if that was the same thing. People puzzle me.

I dated a woman once that when she was happy and all, she would slap my arm. She was strong too LOL. It was weird....
Me:
Hi Hun....I bought you something today because it's some strange reason (Give gift time appropriate)..

Significant other:
Oh!! Honey!! It's so big!! (Arm Slap!!)
What? It's so expensive!! (Arm Slap, Slap)
You're so nice!! ! (Arm slap, slap, punch, eye gouge, kick in balls...what the hell are you doing woman?!?!?!?!?!

I just don't get people.......


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Shirokitty
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27 Jan 2016, 2:09 pm

I told a friend once that body language never came naturally and I learned how to interact with people online. Next thing I know he thinks I'm an evil, manipulative guy. He then shoved his moralistic ideals down my throat, saying I should just "act natural" and that it's wrong to consciously do things to make people like me. -_-



zkydz
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27 Jan 2016, 2:23 pm

Shirokitty wrote:
I told a friend once that body language never came naturally and I learned how to interact with people online. Next thing I know he thinks I'm an evil, manipulative guy. He then shoved his moralistic ideals down my throat, saying I should just "act natural" and that it's wrong to consciously do things to make people like me. -_-
That's odd. The NT world seems to revolve around 'making people like' someone. It certainly doesn't make you evil or manipulative. I would think that person has issues.


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TheBadguy
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27 Jan 2016, 2:27 pm

That I do have a limitation [I like that word over disability] I appear young, intelligent. Often I am just left to my own devices because no one, not even our own damned government believes I could be limited by my condition. I may seem smart and intelligent, but it's like people forget there are many forms of intelligence. One is emotional, another is social, another is textbook, creative. I am creatively intelligent and I am self taught educated. BUT! Emotionally and Socially I am not intelligent.

It causes trouble in the work force. It gets me pointed out all the time. I get harassed for no apparent reason. I cannot work or drive because of the stress and anxiety put on me.



100000fireflies
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27 Jan 2016, 3:09 pm

Yigeren wrote:
Part of the problem, I think, is that my mind doesn't work quickly enough to manage to "filter" my speech in conversation. Because this ability is not intuitive, I have to analyze the situation intellectually, and think things through. If I do that in normal conversation, I would have long periods where I say nothing at all. It just won't work.

So later on I will say to myself "Well that was a dumb thing to say, why'd you say that?", and feel stupid. Because the part of me that knows better just didn't step in in time to keep my mouth shut.


Ding ding ding!
If i could be samantha on bewitched and freeze near every conversation - especially one where i'm at all upset of feel that explaining something matters...then my brain would have time to filter through all points and information and allow me to twitch my nose, restart the conversation, and explain properly/speak concisely/get the words out that matter without the rest.

It's enormously frustrating having a brain that can work so well for some things and yet this that seems so trivial, the "filter" might as well be an open tunnel.


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27 Jan 2016, 4:01 pm

One thing people don't understand, and I know this is really puzzling, I don't really understand it myself, how I can have such delayed reactions to things. Like when something bad happens, I can seem like I just take it in stride, but later it hits me and I break down over it. Or how a person can say or do something hurtful towards me and I think I feel okay about it but some time, maybe days or weeks or even months later, it really hits me hard. Or just having something really unexpected happen, can seem okay at first but hours later I have a meltdown over it.



Yigeren
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27 Jan 2016, 4:12 pm

I can also have delayed reactions to things. If something bad happens, or I hear of something bad happening to someone else, it takes time to process the information. It just doesn't mean anything to me until I get a chance to really think about or understand it.

Sometimes I may not really understand something until years later. It's then that I become upset by it.

I've been trying to take the time to deliberately force my brain to do this by thinking about or imagining the situation as much as I can when I'm alone. That way it becomes real to me and I will react in a more typically normal fashion.



100000fireflies
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27 Jan 2016, 4:37 pm

I too register very little in real time.
I wonder if the filter is bidirectional and thus broken both ways. What comes out is everything and what goes in is everything. So processing through it all to even catch the upsetting thing takes time.


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zkydz
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27 Jan 2016, 4:46 pm

I look at as the old GIGO statement from the early days of computing. Garbage In = Garbage Out. I just have to add the time delay.

My processing times are slow too. While in China visiting family, my mother in law fell into the pool. Before I could register that she was in the water, my son was in and already holding her up. Talk about being very, very embarrassed that I was completely useless.


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dianthus
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27 Jan 2016, 4:56 pm

100000fireflies wrote:
I too register very little in real time.
I wonder if the filter is bidirectional and thus broken both ways. What comes out is everything and what goes in is everything. So processing through it all to even catch the upsetting thing takes time.


Yeah I just don't seem to have much of a filter either way. I can't really shield myself very well against anything hurtful, it's like it just goes straight to my core. I guess maybe what causes the delayed reaction, is the time it takes to really sink in to full depth vs. being skimmed off the surface quickly like other people do.

When I share things with people it's kind of all or nothing. It just takes too much energy to think about filtering anything.