why do NT get mad when they know you are right?

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Have you ever apologized and what was it for?

The latest was when I had a severe meltdown in public. Was not an issue of right or wrong that caused that. That was complete overload. Once it was over, I apologized to my wife. Took a while to sort through it. But, does that count?

Of course it counts. An apology came from your mouth.

Yes! Especially if it's to your Hunny.

I apologize all the time:
-When talking over the phone ... I mostly cant find the rythm, when it's my turn.
-The same when taking to people in real life, just much less.
-When I have forgotten something i've promished.
-When I'm late
-When my world crumbles, and I isolate myself for a few days unable to talk to anybody
-When I misunderstand people. which happens very often.
I could very easily blame others for not beeing concreate enough.
I dont... I try to get better to ask the right questions if i'm just a little in doubt.

- Sometimes I just hate myself. Blame myself.

I do not use AS as an excuse even though I probably could.
I want to improve... Not just sit in the corner feeling sorry for myself all the time.

But I don't apologize anymore like a reflex, which I did until resently.

And when I'm 110% certain that I'm right, I do not stand down.
I've spend half a life, being manipulated, cheated etc.. No apologies in my direction.

I do not blame NT's for not beeing able to understand how much some on the spectrum
struggle to cope. How should they? They can't experience it themselves.
But sometimes it would be nice if they would give os the benefit of the doubt.
And maybe use their intellect instead of their "gut feeling"

LOL!! I meant if it counted towards the query.

I had to ask because at more than one job I was asked why I didn't apologize for this or that and I always replied that there was nothing to apologize for. I'd acknowledged either a mistake or explaining that I was not aware of something, but would take care of it immediately. Nothing intentional, been acknowledged....why are we still discussing this....I could been back to work doing what they wanted me to do.

Don't understand that at all.

And, I know it's me. Just don't know how to make that bridge to everyday life.

Really. This is interesting. What happened at work that they thought you should have apologized for?

By all means, if you're at work, don't answer now.

No, not at work.

The last thing I remember was that I had gotten some information mixed up and did one thing based of another's criteria. Somebody in another department got pissed off and went to my boss. They both came in and asked about it, I showed where I got the information from and asked what the trouble was.

They pointed out the discrepancy. I acknowledged that it was a mistake and said I would get right on it. Got awkward while they stood there for a couple of minutes and I went to fixing the mistake. I literally had to ask if there was anything else because I wanted to get right on fixing the project.

Boss came back later and asked why I didn't apologize. Told him pretty much what I've said here. Then handed him the finished project. He said the other guy was pretty upset. I asked why, it was a mistake and not on purpose, why apologize?

Here's the thing: I get, to a degree that it's somehow expected in certain circumstances. I just can't figure when it's appropriate. And, when I have tried, it comes off 'forced and insincere' by others. So, I have just decided to stay true to myself and the 'rules' I have codified.

Maybe he just want you to acknowledge him as the boss and keep a certain distance to the employees?
Like in the wild, savage nature ...

Can you describe the organizational structure at your workplace? Flat or hierarchical
Do you call your boss by his first name?
I ask, because I don't know what is prevalent in the US.

In Denmark most companies have a very flat organization
and very informal. Most places I've worked, everybody including the boss called each other by their first name

I would perfer a more hierarchical and less - in my world - chaotic structure.
Just to know to whom I'm accountable, and avoid having to deal with to many different people.
It takes time before I'm non-anxiety comfortable with new people.
I prefer to reach that state before they get tired of me

Management is usually really into team players. Was the other person that went to your boss a man or woman?

Another thing, I was just putting myself in your place right now. If I make a mistake on anything, I immediately apologize especially if another person ended up having a problem happen because of my mistake.

I worked in a very different industry than most. So, any comparison there would be moot. To be clear, my boss did not worry about the apology. He came back to me because the other person apparently said something about it to him. I think my boss was kinda, maybe, letting me know I'd really messed up.

And, we all called each other by first names. Sometimes by nicknames. But, as I said, a very different atmosphere at that time. The company got bought and went corporate and it went downhill quickly for me after that.

For the most part of my career, I've just been a freelance artist that worked independently. They don't like that too much now. Mostly they want you to work in a "Fast paced environment that is team driven and constantly changing to meet the ever changing needs of today's fast paced society."

You must network.

You must navigate an increasingly labyrinthine maze of social mores that are getting more and more restrictive every day.

You must be able to do the very things I absolutely suck at.

Kinda combining two replies here...

They were both men in this case. My industry is very heavily female dominated though. And, quite frankly, they were quite predatory when I was young....kinda tainted my point of view of women only being victims of that type of thing....

Quoted the above though because as I said before, I could adopt that point of view. You know, social protocol # bazillion. But the problem is that when I have tried it, it does not come off properly. Been told that. So, I have to wonder if I'm completely stuck with this point of view: Apology for intentional transgression. Otherwise, mistakes happen. Can't be perfect. Will fix it as soon as it can be. Why do I need to assuage someone else's feelings for something that was not intentional?

What is there to this that needs more?

Also, I have seen that get turned around on people at odd times. First they want an apology, but then use it against you at an opportune time for them? I have an example of that happening to me if you want that.

So, social protocols do confuse me. I do try. But if it comes off forced and creepy, which is worse?

Check, check, and check.
I suck at that too..
And especially the constant change.
Some times it looks like change just for sake of change.....

By the way ... did your boss explicit ask why you didn't apologize
Actually the most correct action would be if you said that you were sorry.

English is my second language, but isn't it correct that "sorry" is more like saying
that "I didn't do it on purpose, it was a mistake, and I am not indifferent about it, but people make mistakes form time to time."

And apology is more like: "I did it on purpose, but in retrospect, I really regret it, and I will never do it again" ?

One more question ....
Do you make many mistakes, in comparison with the other employees ?

... yes I know... NT's probably consider me being rude by asking that question.

That question is rude according to Social Protocol # bazillion-forty nine.

That's bazillion comment was hysterical!

You may just be better off saying "I made a mistake and I'll try not to do that again."

Or maybe "My apologies." That one works better for me.