How do people perceive you offline?

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I am often told I am very soft-spoken. Engaging, but not assertive enough. I have a sense of humor, but I don't know when to quit. Quirky. Bad at interviewing...

They all perceive me differently

Context

Some of them don't tell me what they think

If they tell me something they, think is positive, they act like they want a "thank you"

If they tell me something they think is negative, they act like they want an explanation, to their satisfaction. Apology. Change



Entitled lil dips**ts

Yup, same here I think.

Though it depends who I'm with. In middle school I probably came across as weird, uninterested and just plain boring when I met new people, because I never knew what to say so I barely talked at all. I met with new people a lot because of my former "friends" I had back then. It didn't matter if the people we met were already friends with my "friends" or of they were total strangers to all of us, the new people always seemed to ignore me. At the time I just thought that they always found me ugly, but thinking back it might have been my body language that wasn't very inviting or something. I really tried to fake an interest, but it was always the same. When these people actually spoke to me it was usually "why aren't you talking?" or "why are you so quiet?".

When I started high school I heard from a few classmates (after we had gotten to know each other) that their first impression of me was that I looked scary and one of them thought I was a party animal lmao (I'm the exact opposite).

I heard from a friend that some people in my high school class thought I was cool and funny and I used to get complimented on my outfits and makeup, which was very nice since I put a lot of effort into it. I tried having this "cool" persona in high school (by wearing certain clothes and bold, colorful makeup) to appear more confident and express myself without having to use words, so it must have worked! It also worked when I rode the bus, because people would usually avoid sitting next to me. I probably looked less approachable with my style, which was what I wanted.

When trying to make small talk with strangers or people I don't know well I have no idea what they think of me. All I know is that I try my best to not look like I'm panicking because I don't know what to say to keep the conversation going and like I actually care about where they went to school. I really try to appear calm and casual, but that's not how I feel inside.

I'm definitely a pushover unfortunately. Especially when I was younger. I always want to please people and I have done it even if that meant that my mental health went down the drain. An example of this is when I was 12-13 and a "friend" wanted me to join gymnastics. I couldn't say no so I spent two years in gymnastics (mind you, I was the worst one in the group) and it gave me so much anxiety.

"frustrated", "annoyed", "mad,", "upset", "angry"

"Happy",

Counselor Jeanne Courtney told me that "you are ok the way you are. People should not hurt your feelings"

The goal is not to correctly label my reaction

Judgmental


They goal is to, tell me what they did wrong

I'm actually not really sure how to answer this one. Aside from my human interaction rate being very low, I also can't say I go around asking folks how I come off to them

I am sometimes perceived as gay and even had an older gay man attempt to seduce me. A co-worker also told me she was surprised I hadn't shot up a school yet.

I've had that quite a bit too, and often from complete strangers, so it's not just because of folks thinking it's why they don't see me with a girlfriend or don't like "macho" sports. I don't think I have a particularly effeminate voice, so I guess it's something to do with my body language, but I have no idea what. Sexuality seems to be a lot of people's "go to" explanation for anyone who doesn't fit social stereotypes, it seems to me. I've heard similar speculation about a couple of other male Aspie's that I know.

[NB: Edited to correct quote attributed to the wrong member.]

Last edited by Trogluddite on 23 May 2019, 2:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Why did you quote sly's sn instead of mine?

 
 

Contents deleted by member.

Last edited by Fnord on 23 May 2019, 2:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Why are people quoting sly's sn when I am the one who wrote the sentence that's being quoted?

Oops, sorry Marknis (and sly); my bad. I'd been responding to sly in another thread, and got crossed wires in my brain or my cut/paste clipboard somewhere. Not sure if I can edit it, but I'll have a go.

Some penis on the bus had the nerve to tell me that it was "ignorant" and "insecure" to sag your pants like me.

You can't measure security.

Everyone is "ignorant"

Penis talks too much and too loudly

Just like "most people"





He doesn't know anything about me


He has a legal right to be an ass hole

Back in high school both were asserted towards me too. I assume the latter was because I was quiet and everyone follows the mantra, "you gotta watch out for the quiet ones." In reality I just didn't want to be noticed and was extremely nervous about speaking in front of people. I usually had no idea what to say so I could not generate conversation.

The former I assume was based on common prejudice at the time that gay men have a soft voice (as I did). It was also propagated by someone in my "friend" group in an attempt to ostracize me (and perhaps projecting to avoid dealing with his own uncomfortable experiences). It does make you appreciate the crap gay men have to put up with. No men ever tried to seduce me and women only ever pretended to for laughs. So I don't think the rumors had their intended effect.

Part of the problem might be that you live on Sagittarius A.
A bit hard to commute and have a cup of coffee with you.

I'm one of the lucky auties who are more than happy with their own company.
Apparently, there are quite a few like me.
I never embraced the social meme of finding a partner, building a nest, and raising a family.
And I realised that some people weren't designed to follow this man-made paradigm.

Having "total" freedom and not having to compromise because of a significant other is worth more to me than any of the benefits of being in a relationship.
For a large part of my life, I could barely look after myself, let alone cope with the intricacies of relating to someone else.
Now at my age, I clearly don't want a significant other and life is good.

Regarding getting brain damage due to isolation.
I never heard of such a thing.
I am sure you have had enough cognitive stimulation via other interactions for that not to happen.
You may be referring to some psychological difficulties.

Personally, I find it odd how most people need a significant other to complete themselves.
Personally, I see it as mere biological/genetic manipulation for the purpose of possible procreation.
And personally, I enjoy the fact that I have transcended the influences.

I have read here and there that some/many social philosophies talk about attaining a higher level of enlightenment which no longer has this evolutionarily inspired "pull" towards the reproduction cycle.
But there is a Buddhist addendum, for example, which is synthesised into: If you must, you must. <shrug>

However, ultimately: "The heart wants what the heart wants". <shrug>
Good luck on your quest towards fulfilment.

I thought this was an interesting bit related to that. It sure doesn't sound promising. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/05/180517113856.htm
https://www.businessinsider.com/why-loneliness-bad-brain-body-what-to-do-2018-5

Someone who smiles a lot and very polite. (I've been told)