I need to discuss my feelings in a safe space.

Post Reply New Topic

From what I can tell...AceOfPens is basically operating from two thoughts about OP...which I have responses to.

1) You seem a bit unstable yourself, therefore -> working with kids isn't the best idea (for yours and their sake)
2) She was subject to emotional predation in the past, therefore -> she's sensitive to any potential of this in others (wants to protect other victims)

1 is a fair point. I think it's pretty telling that you did respond this way. I highly suspect that if the other parties involved knew how you responded, they would also be worried in some shape or form (though that doesn't have to be an issue because they don't need to know, this is your private business). Most people would not freak out like this, that's the simple truth. So this was concerning for all of us. However, I figured it would be best to sympathize rather than to judge, because at this point you only caused pain for yourself. Clearly you were/are experiencing genuine sadness and I think it's the right thing to do to empathize rather than to judge. That being said, secondarily maybe we can make a judgment that although you haven't harmed anyone else at this point, you've somewhat harmed yourself and others may come next. Not that they will necessarily, but this is intended to cover all the bases and do harm reduction for everyone involved.

2 is also fair, but there's the potential to misjudge you. She has already compared you to fictional characters in movies etc., I think on some level there might be too much imagining going on from her (as to what you're like). She is forming some imagine in her head of you that can't be right, because we don't have the missing information needed there. So I can't encourage doing that sort of thing. At the same time, her words are apparently cautionary, so if they don't apply to you, then you have nothing to worry about. If they do apply, then I guess just try to take them for what they are. Sometimes we do need to hear certain things, whether we are ready to or not.

Intentions are important, as has been noted -- and not everyone's intentions are good. Overall, good intentions do lead to good outcomes and bad intentions to bad outcomes (but there are exceptions of course). Many predators are very aware of what they're doing. I would say the majority are that way. That being said, some do seem to have twisted motives where they feel they're "only helping" or "their intentions are pure". I think it's this variety AceOfPens is worried about. But if it's not you, then you don't have to worry. I think if we all knew you in person we'd have a different perspective.

Indeed....actually knowing somebody in person is of the utmost importance.

Thanks guys for all of your support. All of the teachers who were laid off were brought back last night. I'm pretty sure that included the mentor coordinator as well since she was part of the union of people who were laid off. Now, just 2 obstacles to go. 1) The current crappy, never there mentor needs to be willing to resign AND 2) we need to get back to full in person school as quickly as possible so that all mentors can visit their assigned children. I'm just going to continue saying my prayers that it will all work itself out. My belief is that if God is okay with me being his mentor, then he will make it happen. God put him into my life for a reason. I don't know what it is but I know there must be a plan for us somehow, some way.

Playgroundover, you are putting your own emotional needs over those of the student. As a professional, that's irresponsible and yes, unethical.

As an individual, that will lead you to personal pain. As you obviously and clearly realize, you cannot be with the student all the time, and you will not be with him forever. If you keep this job, you will be called on to work with other children. Some of them will not bond with you as well, and you may not bond as well with them--in fact, they and you may not like each other at all. What are you going to do then? If you're a professional, mature adult, you will put your own feelings aside and either find a way to appreciate the child exactly as he or she is (and not try to make them over), or fake it so well that they'll never know it.

If you cannot do those things, you need to find another job. In fact, you may need to find another profession any way. I'm sorry if this is too blunt, but I do care about you.