Forgiving People Who Picked On You As A Child

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Insulting people as a way of "fighting back" usually invites more bullying. Nobody deserves to be bullied. But many people do not-so-smart things to bring it upon themselves and/or encourage more of it.

And yes I would forgive my former bullies. I know they only saw what they were doing in a completely different light than I. They weren't sadistic. They were just ignorant, immature.

I was about to say "no way in hell!" until I realized I was never really bullied... just ignored. Never did stuff with other kids, just kinda stayed by myself, in the playground or otherwise. In the later grades, they [bullies] had bigger fish to fry.

Something tells me a few can relate to that.

I'm making plans to arrive in a class meeting after years (if a thing like that will be ever organized by the people from my primary school, of course) and to speak out my mind what I REALLY thought about my "friends" from said class I bet some of them will be "a bit" shocked to find out I used to find them terribly immature, shallow-minded and, let's be sincere, simply stupid even though some of them (especially two girls) had a habit of turning up their noses as if they were not less but the queens of the universe. They could have written on their foreheads: "I'm better than you all together" as well. I hope both those b*****s (and two other boys) will feel at least a bit foolish.

You do not have to forgive, forgiveness can not be forced! As the name implies, it is a gift, a gift from you to the person(s) that harmed you. You may give, or not give this forgiveness, when they ask for it.

No... we're not on the same page here. I have to do it for my own sake! The hatred of these evil people is eating me up and making ME a worse person for it! Forgiveness can't be limited only to those few people who have the sense to feel bad for their actions - most won't. Most don't even see what they did was wrong in any way, and some still just take great delight in being a "b!tch".

If I forgave only those people who asked for it, 99% of my problem would still exist. It's a biblical principal to forgive REGARDLESS of whether they come to you for it or not. I can see why.

I still have the problem of HOW - since part of me almost takes pleasure out of hating them and picturing them being eaten by ill-tempered mutated sea bass in lieu of sharks with frickin' laser-beams!

I seldom think about the kids who bullied me.

There was one guy who i went to school who teased me and called me stupid and he later became a relatively friendly acquaintance...who occasionally DJed at my venue...(and then later passed away )

My first drummer also died a few years ago...I hate to say it, but he was a horrible person...he was a compulsive liar and serious cleptomaniac, aside from being a church-going Christian.
He would throw drum sticks at the back of my head and say horrible things about me all the time.
We could not play at a venue without him stealing equipment from other bands...it was horrible

Um...I sometimes think about my first grade teacher. I don't think I have forgiven her, because she scarred me pretty deeply...and the things she did to me seemed to set the course for my next several years at school. I needed guidance and understanding..not to be called an idiot and get isolated or humiliated in front of the class. I wonder what happened to her..I think she was crazy.

All the kids who bullied me...I am sure they are all just normal people with families and kids and whatnot...I am sure I would not recognise them in person today.

Um...some of the girls who bullied me in Jr. High were from poor socioeconomic backgrounds...and I am sure they are still poor....I don't really have much against them anymore...in fact, i wish the best for them....I know that one of the girls got pregnant young and dropped out of school and at 20 looked haggard and old, working in a grocery store bakery. I felt really sad when I saw her.

The skeletal headbanger girl with the razor sharp jagged teeth who would torment me in 7th grade...I wonder what she looks like now.

Can you forgive yourself for feeling so angry?

Yes, this anger and hatred can be so exhausting. But I believe this anger is a part of us and what was done to us. Denying the anger means denying our selves and our pasts and that will not help to find peace. Perhaps we should rather enjoy those fantasies, endulge in them and accept the fact that we are angry, so angry and forgive ourself for being so angry, forgive ourselves for having been victimized. Because only then we can find the pain and fear we have underneath the anger and grieve about what was lost for us and find the compassion we long for.

I believe that forgiving them is not the goal, but a mere byproduct, something that - almost casually - occurs somewhere along the road. But it's a not a purpose in itself and you can not 'jump-start' to it and be whole again.

Interesting topic.

I nearly got into a fight with a kid at school once but then we both turned out to be aspergers which was weird.

Other than that, I forgive most people after their 5 years of hate, after which they are either replaced or memories disposed of

Yes, kids and adults can be cruel to us with AS. I remember teachers practically hating me probably because of my AS ways. There were kids who picked on me too, but for the most part I have found people to be kind. People were tolerant of me growing up, really tolerant. I would be a prick or an ass a lot of time, and usually people around me would ignore it, laugh at me, or just smile.
My question is, can people forgive me? Don't forget the pain that we cause others and the hurt that we cause others with our ways.

I forgive them. I was an easy target, low risk. I would never fight back. But you know what, its ture, the best revenge is living well! They are the people who now change the tires on my Mercedes, replace the roof on my huge home, wait on me at k-mart.

[quote="CRACK"]

Insulting people as a way of "fighting back" usually invites more bullying. Nobody deserves to be bullied. But many people do not-so-smart things to bring it upon themselves and/or encourage more of it.

Not fighting back sets you up to be bullied. NTs love a confrentation. Win or lose, if you don't confront, you are screwed.

Forgive, NEVER fortget. Get revenge when possible. It heals the soul...

Well, you've certainly done better than MOST of us Aspies who have trouble holding a steady job.

[/green-eyed-monster]

I forgave one former bully, after he came up to me in college and said that he felt remorseful for the way he treated me. That doesn't mean that I've forgotten what I went through in elementary school until my family moved across town.

I"ve done well but there are a lot of US in the circles that I move in. I"m sure that many of my counterparts are aspie as well. WE tend to gravitate towards high tech and do well. There are probably manhy more like me who do such a good NT impersonation that no one suspects

I do not seem to hold grudges. That is, when I think of the people who preyed on me, I do not think 'They wronged me!' but rather 'They were foolish.' There is nothing to forgive, in my mind.

I do think poorly of them, but in pity and fascination, not in anger, let alone vengeance.

I don't know if it's forgiveness that I feel... just indifference. You know, I don't wish harm upon them, and I certainly wouldn't want them to be treated the way they treated me, but if/when something bad happens to them, I don't really care all that much either. This kid that used to pick on me was killed in an ATV accident about 10 years ago. I felt bad for his family but I can't say I miss him.