Complex PTSD as Result of Severe Bullying

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hmm. so it seems to boil down to community, more or less. (i was a little afraid of that. :-) even so, it's good to hear that there are things that work. go well!

sorry, when did the man abuse the woman? I see the emotional abuse of the woman, inciting a melt-down (my ex loved to do this to me, it made him feel so superior) but I guess I don't see where the man becomes an abuser. I guess because that's what the real abuser (the wife) would claim (just like my ex did, although I never got physical, I just screamed at him)? and because the man would seem out of control, of course the authorities would believe the abuser, who is usually adept at lying (as happened in my case).

After the "nothing to lose" feeling hit, the man got physical in response, after all, he felt he now had nothing to lose whatever he did.

It is interesting that in the reading I have done on spousal abuse it is common, not always the case, but common for the women to throw words of ridicule and such and for the men to throw punches.
And that difference appears to simply be as a result of basic natural differences in the makeup and being of men and women.


The melt down was already happening to start with and the words then made it very much worse.

I thought I knew the couple this happened to pretty well.
Apparently there was quite a bit going on beneath the surface.

Both have since had counseling and their marriage is very much better now.
Definitely a good thing

Last edited by southwestforests on 24 Jul 2009, 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have to say that I have been told different by several psychiatrists and psychologists because I have been diagnosed with PTSD. Although in the majority of cases it is brought on by an extreme experience, in people with ASDs it can be brought on by something that most people would just try to ignore or forget about like being picked on at school. I can't remember which book I read that backed up that belief but there is one somewhere...

I have extreme flashbacks of the bullies all surrounding me and pinning me against the wall. I want to fight back but they kick me, push me and spit on me. I also have flashbacks about the time I was nearly set on fire by a bully, the time I was physically abused in a park, the time I was pushed off a bus by a yob and a car-crash caused by an idiot on his mobile. I suffer from panic attacks, palpitations, hallucinations, nightmares, physical sickness (rare) and have an overactive responce to potential dangers, even if the 'danger' doesn't really exist. It is absolutely horrific to suffer like this.

I think perhaps bhetti was trying to make the point that flipping out, possibly even to the point of attacking someone, in response to that person's continuous verbal abuse, shouldn't quite be considered abusing the person? I have to agree. People say all the time that there's no excuse for physical violence, and I'm not saying that it's a good thing, but there are also times when it's deliberately provoked, and that provoking shouldn't be excused either. Yes, there are abusers who will hurt people no matter what, and there are pacifists who will never hurt anybody, but the vast majority of people fall somewhere on a spectrum in-between.. And deliberate verbal abuse isn't appropriate either. There are very few people who can control their temper all the time no matter what anybody does to them.

Yes, hitting someone is wrong.. but continuously taunting someone until and telling them you can do anything to them and there's nothing they can do about it is abuse. It's hard to protect EVERYBODY, this is something we've come across before.. sociopaths are more convincing when they lie then autistics are telling the truth. So how is it possible to set it up so that autistics don't end up getting abused?

From what I've seen, pretty much anyone can do that - after they're in a box 6 feet under.

talking about psyichal abuse in such a lasse fair way is quite disrespectful or to turn round saying ya know what causes it so in a way of defense towards the evil b**tard that did it in the first place
y mother was psyichally abused by my biological father and s was my sister by her lover but my mother n case was simply falling out of love and considering and forwarding divorce my father did not like that at all ad constantly beat her and played mind games with her, one scene I remember well as a very young child was when he beat her with a chair and smashed her n with a chir leg, just for merely passing through a room

Abusive relationships are incredibly traumatic for everyone they should only be talked about in conidence of the other party not be challenged as it is something not many people would lie about

I personally feel for all those abused and comme them for their confidence and their bonce bacability fromsuch a horrible point
this is not to all mmbers but just a point

I'm cold blooded, I know, but I would side with the man there.

that is very complex. i don't know if hitting her is justified, but it's understandable (if that makes sense.) i think this couple would have to separate for both members to live fairly sanely. the woman's verbal abuse seems very ugly to me. it just seems chaotic all around.

i hope the man separates from the situation.

Heh.. that's true I guess.
There's a point where emotional/verbal abuse becomes as bad as physical abuse.. well depending on the severity of each. Especially if the perpetrator of the non-physical abuse prevents the person they're abusing from leaving the situation. (Or would that actually be physical abuse. If someone is verbally abusing someone, and then physically gets in the way of the person's attempt to go somewhere else, that it turning it physical, even if they don't touch the person. Blocking exits could also bring up trauma issues for a lot of people. Actually, would that be considered illegal imprisonment?)

Yea, I guess the main thing I'm referring to is if someone is physically prevented from removing themselves from an extremely verbally abusive situation. I'm not defending abusers at all.. just trying to define what constitutes abuse.. It's difficult to define and prove who the abuser actually was in some situations, I guess.
A lot of abused men have trouble ever getting it recognized or being believed even if they do try to tell somebody. It may be less common, sometimes women do abuse men.
It's not right for ANYBODY to be abused.

yes Maggiedoll, that's exactly what I was saying. when one person is verbally abused to the point that they lose it, the one using words is the abuser. the abuser is the stronger person taking advantage of the weaker, and an autistic in melt-down is susceptible. even when we aren't in melt-down we're sensitive to abuse, and anyone who takes advantage of that knowingly is an ABUSIVE PERSON.

yes, hitting is wrong, and I disagree that women fight with words and men fight with fists. that's an ignorant stereotypical generalization and not based on any data that I've seen. I do know that men are less likely to report physical abuse, and women don't report verbal abuse. women tend not to leave verbally abusive relationships when they're financially dependent, and men tend not to leave abusive relationships when they have children they want to stay with. the problem is that the courts are not equipped to figure out when a relationship is abusive, nor do they really care. they operate the principle of occam's razor by deliberately wearing blinders, which is why courts are so slow to change, why domestic abuse is rampant and why some states don't even bother to investigate cases of abuse, since their laws are so archaic they wouldn't prosecute anyway.

another little note... I was verbally abused by both my mother and my ex-husband so that my melt-downs gave them an excuse to hit me, even though I didn't hit them. I screamed and threw things (on the floor or at the wall, but not at them), but I didn't hit them (except my mom one time, but she was beating me in the head with her fists and I'm pretty sure I fought back).

The thing about dealing with severe verbal abuse is that there isn't much in the way of evidence, and you really can't prove how bad it was, or prove how much the abuser knew about what they were doing. Abusers tend to be excellent liars.

i think this can all be so confusing--i mean for the person who is abused in general. the abusers just seem to do their best to blame the abusee anyway and make it seem like their fault.

i had a lot of difficulty getting some forms of violence validated---was raped by someone i knew, and the therapist said accusatorily, "why didn't you cry out?" that was painful. but once i did validate it for myself--by reading books on rape mainly---the confusion went away.

what's really scary to me is when i make a social faux pas, say, or say something inappropriate, and the reaction to this is SO HUGE. i experience it as bullying, because often someone is raging/name-calling/etc. for reasons that might mystify me in the moment. then when i realize my error, i feel doubly guilty and to blame.

That therapist should be shot.
Sorry.. but seriously, that therapist should not be in practice.

seconded. unprofessional and a seriously stupid question.